Friday, December 31, 2010

"Writing a Blog About What's Not Metal"

"How is having your mom drive you to shows 'not metal'. How else ar4e (sic) you supposed to get there if no one else drives?"
The fact of the matter is, I never really was one for confrontation. When I started this website, I had little to no clue that people were actually going to read it, much less get so upset. I wasn't really big on the idea of upsetting strangers. After all, strangers are usually unintelligent or crazy. Calling people homophobic names on the internet isn't what it used to be. We have Facebook now, and Google Earth. With enough research and patience, you can put yourself on the doorstep of any unsuspecting internet dweller who rubbed you the wrong way. Especially if they aren't very good about keeping their personal info under wraps. Which is most of us. 

What really surprises me is the backlash of hate I got and continue to get from some readers. Mostly because they think I'm forcing my opinion on them by writing about these violations. This completely baffles me. I always saw myself not as an opinion writer, but a technical writer. Like any good journalist, or textbook author, I am simply a distributor of facts, and nothing else. I started this blog to let people know just what is and what isn't metal. Plain and simple. I'm not forcing an ideology here, as people have accused me. I am just reporting a science. I've spent many years studying in the field, and I am merely here to bring back evidence of my findings to share with the masses. 

Life and science are full of gray areas, and the guidelines within the heavy metal genre are certainly no exception. However, to deny that these guidelines exist at all, or that I am pretentious for stating their existence, is nothing short of ludicrous. I am continuously propelling myself forward on my vessel of knowledge, while many of you continue to enjoy yourselves drowning in your river of naivety. 

"Pretentious metalheads are the worst metalheads.  Please refrain from linking to garbage like this. This guy can drop dead."

Since most of you naysayers are typically still in high school, let's talk algebra. 10-x=5. Therefore, x=5. If you put down, 3, or 4, or any other number between 0 and infinity besides 5 on your quiz, your teacher will appropriately mark your answer as WRONG. It's a thin line of red ink, marking your incompetence regarding the fact of the matter. On TNM, I state and explain that x=not metal. If you come onto my page and tell me that x="just my opinion", your answer will be marked as incorrect, and you will receive the failing grade that you deserve on the matter.

"This is idiotic and sexist. I will attend any metal show I damn well please with or without a male or female that I may or may not be dating/friends with. Write a new article when you get the pleasure of dating a woman into metal. If one will even bother with you."

I don't think of you as stupid. Just grossly misinformed. You simply don't know, hence why you try and defy the physical laws of true metal. If you want to come onto my page and disagree with the things I say, or tell me why I am wrong, that's okay, and also somewhat appreciated. After all, I sometimes like hearing what people who aren't metal have to say. Maybe you can talk about how much you like Breaking Benjamin or whatever unmetal people like you do in your spare time. I'm always here to listen.

If you are metal? Well, I'll be the judge of that.

I'm glad we cleared this up. If there are no more questions or concerns, I'll continue posting for your reading enjoyment. Also, a very special thank you to the readers who provided me with image captions. I hope I accurately portrayed your likeness to the best of my imagination. 

12 comments:

  1. God, I love you.

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  2. people need to calm down.i read these because they are hilarious not to analyze the "hidden attack message"

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  3. dude, you are fucking amazing, hahaha.
    i love the posts, and even though some of them hit facts on me its not that offending, because its either funny as shit, or it really doesnt phase me

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  5. I just started reading this blog, but I must say that I am impressed, even if I do not agree with all of your posts.

    I'm normally not one to talk down to my fellow metalheads, because I'm the guy you can find at a metal show sometimes wearing a t-shirt that is obviously NOT metal (i.e. Dropkick Murphys, Bad Religion, Black Flag, or other punk bands primarily), but I would like to think I know my fair share about the music that I love.

    Fuck the naysayers, there is no harm in sharing this with others. I, for one, will keep reading. I find it hilarious, and it rings true in so many ways. I hate to admit it, but I've found myself doing other not-quite-so-metal things that you have mentioned here. Doesn't mean I am justified in taking offense to it. In fact, I fully support what you say.

    Keep writing, for the love of all that is unholy, keep writing.

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  6. How else do you get there? Public transport or a ride from a friend? Always did that so you could get loaded in the process or maybe even hit a gig before the gig.

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  7. god you should just write The Metal Bible

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  8. I guess you're pretty good at influencing people to believe in your nonsense, but first off, who are you to decide and judge others if they're metal or not? I can agree with some of your statements but the rest of what you wrote is just an over-exaggeration and it teaches me the kind of person you are, stubborn and arrogant thinking he knows everything.

    "What really surprises me is the backlash of hate I got and continue to get from some readers. Mostly because they think I'm forcing my opinion on them by writing about these violations. This completely baffles me. I always saw myself not as an opinion writer, but a technical writer. Like any good journalist, or textbook author, I am simply a distributor of facts, and nothing else."

    You've got to love the contradiction in this. You state that people get mad over what you say and think that you're forcing your opinions on others. You just called your statements, your opinions, but you say that it's not and call it a fact and you call yourself a "technical writer."

    I know you're already thinking "Nah, you're a poseur so I don't give a fuck." I don't really care if you do, because I like myself for listening to what I call metal and I call myself a metalhead for that. You just don't want to admit that you're wrong and I can assure you that you should never be self-centered and think that the world revolves around you.

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    Replies
    1. This is exactly what he was talking about. Can you not take a hint? This shit is funny. Most, if not all of it is fairly accurate as well. If it offends you in any way, for any reason, you are butthurt and insecure.

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    2. Offensive? Nope. Funny? Seeing someone try SOOO hard to shock and offend people is very funny indeed, and most of the time the statements and explanation are so unintelligent (purposely i hope) it becomes almost cartoonish and even works in triggering reactions: the real purpose behind all this.
      Over here we call it "screaming for attention" or "being emo" and everyone knows that's not metal at all!

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All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.