Mayhem Festival: Megadeth Opening for the Two Worst Bands on Rock Radio

And the window licking legacy of Mayhem Festival's band roster continues...

As if I didn't receive enough bad news about this upcoming year in concert, the latest steaming shit pile has been thoroughly diarrhead all over my lap. Two years ago we scratched our heads in stupefied awe, contemplating how low an IQ level could possibly get, as Slayer was set to open up for who other, than Marylin Manson in a painfully awkward 2009 Mayhem Festival lineup. I could only blame such a mix up on Kerry King wearing his sunglasses indoors again, and not being able to see what he was doing when he agreed to it. I don't know, maybe the band roster was handed to him in writing? Kerry King, take them the fuck off once in a while. No wonder contracts keep getting signed for things like Vans shoes. He probably think he's just penning autographs all the time...

Coming soon to a Pepsi commercial near you.

This year, the makers of carbonated urine are back to their old tricks. On second stage, we have some meh deathcore bands for the rock radio listeners to stand around and watch, arms crossed and bewildered at the spectacle that there are bands out there heavier than Drowning Pool. (All Shall Perish is the best band out of the bunch. Yeah, I know.) On main stage, we have admitted Alice In Chains knockoff, Godsmack and pudgy goth kid favorite, Disturbed. I would go into how repulsive a crowd of Disturbed listeners looks like, but there's no punch I could throw that the album cover for Ten Thousand Fists didn't already brutally land...

100,000 Sausage Fingers

So in the time honored tradition of angering and confusing everyone, Pee Drink Inc, has Megadeth opening for Disturbed and Godsmack for their summer festival. If this is supposed to be some kind of test to see if Dave Mustaine can keep his ego mountain from blowing its top, it's a pretty cruel one. I realize Mr. Mustaine has nothing better to do with his time now that the rumored Big 4 "tour" ended up being a dud, but I don't know how he couldn't find this at least marginally insulting to him and his legacy. If there was ever a time to start backstage drama and start spewing bullshit from his mumbly face, now would be it. We've all gotten pretty sick of his attitude over the decades, but even a broken clock is right twice a day. If that smug gorillatard Sully Erna doesn't boil up some bad blood with Mustaine, I don't know who else could. Definitely not that tusk-chinned baby-face, David Draiman. Have you heard an interview with the guy? He's a total fucking sweetheart. I can't possibly imagine why he has such a problem keeping a steady girlfriend... Oh...

So I hope you're all going to be joining me for next year's 2012 Rockstar Mayhem Festival, which will appropriately feature special guest Iron Maiden opening up with a 15-minute set for Breaking Benjamin and Nickelback. The kids are gonna love it!

This TNM subject comes from Steven Pferschy of Yakima, Washington. Thanks Steven! If you want to let me know what you think isn't metal, head on over to the Discussions section of the Facebook page and let me know. If it doesn't suck, I'll happily write about it here on the page! If it does suck, I might just do it begrudgingly anyway.