Thursday, May 5, 2011

Awful Metal Video Goes to the Movies!

I think that we in metal community love to throw around the term "sellout" as freely and loosely as we possibly can. It is, after all, our civic duty to ensure that all of our favorite metal bands only play music, because they love us and want us to be happy. Not so that they can make a decent living or feed their families. Being referred to as a "sellout" can apply to anything, as long as we feel safe in assuming that the band being paid more, or even at all, is the end result of their actions. Change your musical direction? Sellout. Cut your hair? Sellout. Sign on to a major record label? Sellout. Endorsements? Sellout. Speak out against piracy? Sellout. Charge me over invoice for a t-shirt? You get the picture. I will always boldly criticize bands for compromising their sound, image, or integrity in order to maximize profit. (While simultaneously informing you to turn a blind eye to the advertising on my page.) 

As seen in the above Def Leppard video, one such disgrace against the metal gods in the selfish pursuit of livable earnings, is a band having their music featured on major motion picture soundtracks, or writing songs that were "inspired" by the motion picture. Because it's easy to see that on-hiatus screamo kings, Atreyu totally wrote Her Portrait in Black because the movie Underworld: Evolution invoked such strong feelings within them, that they were compelled to write music about it...

The title of the song I would write if I was "inspired" by a movie like Underworld would be something along the lines of "I Just Watched the Gayest Movie Ever". This movie is essentially Matrix Reloaded with faggoth vampires in leather trench coats. So it's Blade? Yes. The kind of people who enjoy movies like this, are the type to use "Dracula" spelled backwards as an online alias, and have deep, emotional attachments to mediocre video games like Symphony of the Night or underwhelming, one-dimensional animes like Hellsing. As far as the video goes, this is pretty typical fare for a movie soundtrack music video. You have some performance shots of a band looking dark and brooding per usual in a spooky place. Then, you just edit in random footage from the movie. Easy money.

The End of Heartache by Killswitch Engage was the flagship tune off the soundtrack for the Resident Evil: Apocalypse movie. Why Hollywood sees it fit to ruin the lives of the entire gaming community with horrendous interpretations of some of our favorite video games, is not really something I want to get into. Resident Evil was probably one of the worst action movies ever produced, and it saw fit to beating its own record of movie-based atrocities with each sequel that followed. The music video for The End of Heartache is pretty much the same fare as Atreyu's, with movie footage mixed in with performance footage, but features such ground-breaking technology as a swooping camera, slow motion capture, CGI, and a black man fronting a metalcore group. 

If you didn't think the DVD release for the original Saw movie was worth your hard-earned money, then you must have been oblivious to the free Fear Factory music video that came bundled along with it! Now, a lot of you seem to be under the impression that Fear Factory is a decent band. I beg to differ. The music featured in the above video only enhances my contempt for this sub-par group. Then again, some of you guys approach me about how metal Rammstein is, so I guess if you're considering the music of Fear Factory, you could be doing a lot worse. Anyway, what we're seeing here is a different kind of movie tie-in music video, where some of the band members are half-heartedly acting out stuff that may or may not hold some similarities between what happens to the characters in the movie. Not to give anything away, but I will tell you that Jigsaw was definitely not a stock model. 

Probably the most interesting fact about the song "I Disappear" is not just that it's on par with the same monotonous southern-style butt rock Metallica has been releasing since The Black Album, but also, that it wasn't featured on any of Metallica's studio releases. No, this was a song specifically recorded by Metallica for the movie Mission Impossible 2. Now entering Sellout City. Another very interesting fact that you probably didn't know, is that I'm the person flying the plane that's trying to hit Kirk Hammett. I'm sorry about missing, he's a lot smaller than you'd think. 

Based on a "making of" documentary aired on MTV last decade, the original idea was just to have them doing the typical movie tie-in video where they would play along with movie footage or in front of a big screen playing scenes from the movie. They opted instead, to act out these random action scenes themselves, and use only minimum footage from the movie. Despite how terrible the song is, I really have to give the band credit for that. Watching Lars Ulrich falling out of a building has always been my dream come true. 


  1. Don't try and run him down with the plane, just drop Napalm on him.

  2. I always liked Fear Factory, and i still like em.
    Saw them life, they ARE awesome!
    but.. i guess the band has reasons to dont play this song :D
    The rest of the bands.. nevermind

  3. Symphony of the night was a good game and you know it, Brenocide.

  4. Why did they have to ruin good movies like Blade and Underworld with this faggotry?
    Also FF are a great band, dealwithit.png

  5. Bite the hand that bleeds is one of the worst FF songs ever.... They only problem with me is the awful live performance .

  6. I liked underworld. Then again, kate beckinsale in tight latex is hard to not like.

  7. I remember when I was going through this huge Metallica phase. I had my grandpa buy me a poster from Wal-Mart. So metal. I've since drawn hair on James and Lars, and taped a mardi gras mask on Kirk.

  8. I Loved the underworld movies and who gives a shit if bands make music videos for movies they need to get money to tour somehow we all know they don't make shit from the actual tour

  9. Hey Blake, I like apples too.

    See how it feels to have someone reply to you without reading anything first?

  10. Major sellout point: Editing your videos and compromising your sound for the 'mainstream' and to get on a movie soundtrack as horribly highlighted in the Killswitch video, Yeah we're so fucking comitted we're going to butcher our own song so 13 year old goth girls will like us. Sellouts.
    Also I hate the way I have to sign in to wordpress everytime i comment

  11. Jake66:

    I fixed that weeks ago. Just comment with a Name/URL.

  12. I remember listening to the first FF album and thinking it was ok, but then i just gave up on them. They play a shitload around here and that offshoot with "Dino cisneros" or whatever the fuck his name is somehow gets pushed here in LA as well. You know they're fail when you watch "That Metal Show" and FF is the band they use when they need "street cred" of liking a "real" metal band..........i never even watched Underworld even if it had that chick Beckinsale because i was like "isn't this just like a gay vampirefreaks version of Blade" and i'm sure it had to do with the eventual twilight saga...

  13. God thanks for another person that thinks Rammstein sucks. I've had enough with my friends overrating them.
    Anyway, if I'm not wrong Slayer made one of this videos for one of the Blade movies, but I'm not sure. Also, why do they alway grab depressing screamo/emo bands? At least grab a fun hard rock band, though seeing the state of modern rock, that would be hard...

  14. Since when was there an anime that WASN'T one dimensional and underwhelming? I staunchly maintain that the only two good things to come out of Japan to date have been Galneryus and Sigh.

    Also, shitty movies get shitty soundtracks/tributes from shitty bands. How is this news? It's how Atreyu got their name in the first place.


All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.