The Thrash Corner: Winter's Doom Giveaway and the Premiere of Vermin Lord

Do you want a free copy of Winter's Doom? Of course you do. Look at yourself, panting like an animal in heat. You yearn for it don't you? Well here's your chance. We have two copies of Winter's Doom for you to compete for, an I'll even walk you through the steps since your thoughts must be clouded with desire.

Step One: Dress yourself like a mighty warrior from the grim darkness of the frozen north.

Step Two: Take a picture of yourself. If you have friends, have one them take the picture for you while you pose like a golden god.

Step Three: If that friend wasn't metal, kill them.

Step Four: Send that picture along with your mailing address to, sagecutioner@thatsnotmetal.com.

Step Five: Wait until the 22nd when the winners are announced and if you sent in one of the two most metal pictures you'll get a copy of Winter's Doom sent to you in the mail.

 

Next up we have another lesson from Alan entitled: Frozen Zombies, Dealing with the Plague of the Yukon.

Alan: The zombies up here are seasonal and only emerge in the winter. They hibernate in the summer as they dislike the sun and its warmth. In reality, they're slow and extremely dumb, and aren't much of a threat unless you are somehow dumber than they are. In the short summer month (July) a few zombie raiding parties are sent out to exterminate any known dens in the area. They are limbed via chainsaw, doused in jet fuel and then the fireworks ensue. Some of their more valuable bones are collected and carved into drumsticks which are available on the Yukon's black market.

And to close out the work week, Metal Snob hosts it's first exclusive song release, Vermin Lord. So please, sit back and enjoy some new SANKTUARY.

Sagecutioner

The Thrash Corner: Winter Witches, How to Find Them and How to Kill Them

Welcome back to The Thrash Corner. With three weeks left on our countdown Alan brings you guidance on defeating a truly vile enemy, the winter witch.


Alan: These are the most evil beings in all of the north. They are relatively easy to find, but killing them is a whole other matter. They are found throughout the scummy bars of the Yukon; Lizards, The 98, The Casa Loma (also known as the wrinkle ranch) and so on. I have witnessed many good men and women sabotaged by their evil ways. They spike the drinks of their victims with moose tongue ointments and then proceed to swoop in on their unsuspecting prey. They then lead their brainwashed subjects to the shitters where their ice cold vaginas envelope their casualties. After a few minutes the ransack is complete and the victim is released from their evil grasp. However, they are not the same people ever again. They are soulless, heartless, cruel and cold.

To kill a winter witch, a witch hunter must be employed. Only a few remain and they do not work cheaply. This is a dangerous trade with a very high mortality rate. These spooks act as victims in the dank bars of the north. Once lead to the poop stall, the witches are tasered and chained to the toilet. From there they are decapitated using enchanted graphite hockey sticks.


Come back next week for zombies, a new song, and possibly a contest. Until next time, this was The Thrash Corner.

Happy New Year,
Sagecutioner

The Thrash Corner: Combat in the Frozen North, Destroying Your Enemies While Surviving the Weather

This week on The Thrash Corner we begin our countdown to the release of Winter's Doom with a series of short features written by vocalist and guitarist Alan Binger (center right above). With four weeks left until the release date we start with some advice on surviving battle in the Yukon.

Alan: Combat in the north is all about stealth. It's about speed, logistics and knowing the land. The animals are your friends. The spirits are your allies. The Vuntut Gwitchin longbow is the weapon of choice when warding off invading southerners. Frozen beer grenades are another hot item of violence but are frowned upon by some as they're viewed as a waste of liquor. Nail guns with magazines of raven beaks are used to incapacitate foes. If hit and run tactics are failing to meet their objectives, then brute force is used. Mammoth chariots with rocket launchers are effective in getting the job done. Staying warm is easy. Just do as the Russians do... vodka!

There is also a free download of the song Corpse Brigade being hosted on Pure Grain Audio. Click here to grab it. Check back next week for: Winter Witches, How to Find Them and How to Kill Them.

Merry Christmas,
Sagecutioner

The Thrash Corner: Now Streaming SANKTUARY's Newest Single "Space Race"

Welcome back to The Thrash Corner, today we have a dose of metal straight from the Yukon. SANKTUARY hails from the city of Whitehorse and have been playing their brand of power infused thrash metal since 2007. Their newest single Space Race is the opening track on the upcoming album Winter's Doom, and what an opener it is. Like a cross between 3 Inches of Blood and Judas Priest, this song kicks you right in the ass and leaves you wanting more. The album drops on January 22nd, but you can listen to the single right here. We should have more features from the band being posted in the coming weeks as we count down to the 22nd of January so if you like what you hear be sure to stay tuned.

Sagecutioner
 

The Thrash Corner: Woundvac - Disgraced Convert

Welcome to The Thrash Corner, a new semi-regular column where I ask you to put on a fine dinner suit, grab a glass of wine, and listen to metal the way god intended. The thrash way. Because as we all know, thrash is the zestiest of all metal genres and it deserves a proper undistracted listen. There has never been a genre as robust and flavorful as thrash and there never will be. Thus, it deserves it's own corner. Don't think I'm right? Would I use this many sauce related adjectives if I wasn't? That's what I fucking thought.

Today we talk about Woundvac's newest release, Disgraced Convert. Woundvac is a grindcore band hailing from Phoenix Arizona. Now, you may ask why is a grindcore band being discussed here? Why is Metal Snob selling out right off the bat? If metal opinions are a human centipede, then Metal Snob is the head. But we are a caring head, and we make sure that we only crap the finest of music into your mouth. And Woundvac certainly deserves to pass through our digestive system and be enjoyed by all those who follow us.

This band finds a way to take grindcore, which typically has no semblance of proper musical structure, and infuse it with thrash metal. At times invoking Anthrax or Slayer in their riffage, but turning up the ferocity. Woundvac is everything the grindcore genre always could have been but never was. Is it metal? No, but it is an interesting take on what grindcore could be with a tighter focus on song structure and a slightly more controlled chaos. And if there is something grindcore desperately needs, it is the knowledge of when to control it's chaos instead of obscenely ejaculating it all over the listener. I want fucking structure in my music. I don't need some douche screaming at me while his backing band plays structureless noise. Thankfully this band manages to hold their load until the final seconds of the album.

Also, look at that fucking album cover. I don't know if that dog is supposed to be covered in blood, skinned alive, or just a big fan of red lighting, but that fucker looks like he's going to turn your genitals into his next meal. And a dog eating a man's genitals is pretty fucking metal. The only way I can imagine that being more metal is if that man was Ian Gillian and he was doing the scream from the beginning of Highway Star.

So please, take a seat, download Disgraced Convert, and enjoy the best that grindcore has to offer. Until next time, this was The Thrash Corner.

Sagecutioner