Thursday, May 2, 2013

Jeff Hanneman of Fucking Slayer is Fucking Dead right now Holy Fuck


He's dead. He has fucking died.

He was breathing just yesterday and today as of this writing he is not. He is gonna have worms eating his eyes, and all of that by next week. Seriously. He is an ex-Slayer member way more than Dave Lombardo could ever hope to be.

A spider bite almost killed him two years ago, but not satisfied with almost being killed, Jeff Hanneman, guitarist of Slayer, is now thoroughly killed. Totally and completely actually killed due to liver failure. His band writes:

"Slayer is devastated to inform that their bandmate and brother, Jeff Hanneman, passed away at about 11AM this morning near his Southern California home. Hanneman was in an area hospital when he suffered liver failure. He is survived by his wife Kathy, his sister Kathy and his brothers Michael and Larry, and will be sorely missed. Our Brother Jeff Hanneman, May He Rest In Peace (1964 – 2013)"

While I won't speculate that his liver failure was directly caused by decades of binge drinking... it was probably caused by decades of binge drinking. I know that might be hurtful to imply if that isn't the case, but the guy has a fucking Heineken logo on his signature guitar. Figure it out.

If it turns out to be true, Jeff Hanneman drinking himself to death is not metal. But Jeff Hanneman drinking himself to death is also, pretty metal. RIP brother.


17 comments:

  1. Your attempt at humor here is FUCKING stupid, ASSWIPE

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    1. Your attempt at being a sissy is FUCKING great.

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    2. Hi, I'm anonymous and I'm a faggot, disregard me.

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  2. "If it turns out to be true, Jeff Hanneman drinking himself to death is not metal. But Jeff Hanneman drinking himself to death is also, pretty metal."
    Wait, what?

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    1. yeah that shit confused me too

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  3. You spend two years fighting a horrendous flesh eating disease and see what toll it takes on your body. Shame on you for being a dick. This man has a family and talent that no one can ever fill.

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  4. His sister and his wife have the same name? Eww.

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    1. It means..."He is survived by his wife Kathy, [more specifically] his sister Kathy [his sister and wife are the same person]".

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  5. I work in an hospital and let me tell you something: Dying from liver failure doesn't look metal. At all.

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  6. Hopefully now, they'll break up and stop putting out shitty albums.

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    1. For reals man. Slayer has been shit for a while now, It's time for them to call it quits. With that said it really fucking sucks that Jeff died and it still made me feel shitty to see an awesome guy like that go. R.I.P

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    2. Wait, World Painted Blood wasn't so bad. Shit, are you even so elitists to say WPB was shit? Divine Intervention wasn't so good. Not everything new is "shit", come on!

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  7. Bahaha great article

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  8. Blackmoon from Dark Funeral died May 19, 2013 - Sunday. Metal sees two amazing artists dead.

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  9. Why must Death claim all of the true Metal Gods?? ={:

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  10. I think alcohol could have definitely been a contributor, but I think this "spider bite" BS was really from shooting up. Having been around heroin addiction for many years, that's the #1 excuse for an infection from shooting up is "oh it's a spider bite." Shooting up makes the entire story add up and make more sense to me rather than dying two years after a spider bite...

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All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.