Thursday, December 2, 2010


Brent Riggs of Job for a Cowboy is pretty white for an African tribesman.
Straight out of the Amazon, comes the latest fashion statement that scenesters use to scare Grandpa. This time, I'm referring to ear gauging; a popular form of body modification that's like ear piercing, except multiplied by a thousand. Regrettable tattoos and tongue studs are things that can be covered up and hidden in situations where they aren't appropriate, but there's not a lot you can to do to be incognito about tea saucer sized expressways that are dug clear through your fucking earlobes.

Gauges can range from tiny black plugs, all the way up to obnoxious, baseball-sized 'flesh tunnels'. A common practice in gauging is starting off small, and then stretching your earlobes out with increasingly larger plugs on a monthly basis. When a month goes by, and your self-mutilated body barely manages to heal itself, you replace your plug with the next size up, tearing your festering ear hole one quarter of a millimeter larger. Soon, the damage becomes permanent; and just like with exposed tattoos, when you finally grow the fuck up and remember what a job interview is, it will require expensive surgery to fix. Unless your job interview is at a tattoo parlor that appreciates this kind of self-destruction, or at a warehouse or sewage plant where nobody has to look at you, you're out of luck. Long John Silver's has a reputation to uphold, after all. 

Come on, dude...
As a metalhead, ear piercings are a bit more up in the air than some of your other exterior guidelines, but a short while of browsing Myspace Music will immediately tell you that gauges specifically are a scenester trademark, and as such, should be avoided. Your best bet is to follow in the footsteps of the rock legends you look up to, and go without completely. Let me put it this way: Rob Halford doesn't wear earrings, and he's a flaming homosexual. If he won't even do it, it has to mean something.

If you are a metalhead who has gauged his ears past the point of them closing on their own, can't afford cosmetic surgery, and want to redeem yourself, fret not! Steak knives are cheap, sharp, serrated, and can easily be sanitized in bleach. Or ammonia. Or probably a mixture of both.

Now fix it. 


  1. I agree, to an extent. Stretching ones ears has most definitely become quite the trend of my generation. Though, more commonly, most people with stretched lobes only stretch to a small size. I would never consider it "metal" or think of myself more metal for having them. And I most certainly don't do it for the "popularity". The majority thinks it's disgusting and moronic. But modifications aren't done to please people. I could give a rats rotting cunt what people think. It's different and expressive. And much like listening to metal, it separates us from that mainstream crowd.

    1. > I don't care what others think

      > I get gauges so I can look different

      No self-contradiction there.

  2. I completely agree. even though I TECHNICALLY have gauges (I really just have thick earrings because the fucking standard size is wimpy as fuck and i lose them.) the trend is stupid as fuck and people are crowed following "Hxc" dancing straight edge faggots that need to get face fucked by a rhino tusk and get the fuck out of our music.

  3. Too bad Job for a Cowboy nor Trivium are metal. On the other hand, Shannon Lucas of The Black Dahlia Murder has insane gauges...

  4. What i don't get when people try to defend their trendiness is the "it's different and expressive" expressing what exactly? You want to be an African? What's different if EVERYONE IS fucking DOING it?......

  5. Pooter Jenkins7/08/2011 9:41 PM

    i have guages and it is not to be metal. i have them because i am indian (the feather indian not the dot indian), and i appreciate the aztec/myan cultures and decided to guage my ears. lats time i checked ears have nothing to do with metal and it shouldent make you immediately labeled a scenester because you have them. i just have to disagree with the statements made, and i just wanted to share that, and please dont start somegay comment fight. im just stating my own oppinion which really dosent mean shit.
    thank you

  6. I don't understand how you can write an entire article acting like you know exactly what you're talking about when you're not even using the correct terminology. "Gauging" is not the same as earlobe stretching. You don't "millimeter" your ears, do you? Gauge is a size, not something you do. Second, this is all about your opinion. Why not just write an article about how all gay people should be imprisoned, because it's not right to be gay, like it's wrong to have stretched earlobes just because you're in a band. Third, my ears are stretched and I'm not a "metal head", nor have a mutilated my body to the point where they will never heal. It's a permanent body modification that should be thought about before doing, just like getting a tattoo, scarification, or even a piercing, which will scar when taken out. This article is total crap, just targeting and judging people who decide to modify their bodies.

  7. If you're going to be a dick about STRETCHED ears.. you might want to get the terminology correct as well as where this began. It's not "gauging" your ears. It's STRETCHING. Scene kids make this look bad possibly by stretching fast and fucking their ears up... but this was practiced by people all over the world in ancient times. Mummified bodies have been found with stretched ears. It's not something that has just started in the past 10 years. Stretching your ears meant different things in different tribes.. such as the bigger stretched ears you had, the more beautiful, rich, or wise you were. It's a spiritual, cultural way of life. It's bullshit that you would write this article degrading us modified people. This is complete discrimination. I will NOT put up with this.

  8. I completely agree with cassie and honestly whoever wrote this should be hung by their fucking toenails. This is complete discrimination against people who wish to modify their bodies. Just because it's different than what you sheltered and enslaved 1920's housewives have seen before doesn't make it ugly or taboo. All this article proves is how little you know about the patience and care it takes to have successfully stretched lobes and unfortunately a vast sea of retarded and impatient sadists like to stretch too fast and with improper materials SUCH AS PLUGS. No one stretches with plugs and if they do they're a fucking moron that will have a blowout (google that you fucking gits) faster than shit which is practically irreparable. For those who care about their bodies and earlobes, stretched ears can be beautiful when done right. Also, very few people stretch their lobes to look like some squealing metal head though they seem to have taken a liking to it (most of which stretch improperly such as the guy in the first photo). Personally I originally chose to stretch my ears because I have extreme allergies to metals and just wanted to wear earrings like other girls so I stretched to a 00g where I am very happy at and have a wide variety of stone and glass jewelry to wear. It makes me happy and if anyone has a problem with that go shove your computer screen up your ass because reading this article was doing you much less good.

  9. It's okay guys, the asshat who wrote this is just mad 'cause his mommy wouldn't let him stretch his lobes.

  10. i think they're ugly as fuck. :T done correctly or not. why would you go through all this shit for something that looks bad either way?

  11. this guy is a fucking idiot, clearly cant get past the fact that metalica are offically old now and can get over it, so hes forming some kind of midlife crisis in a rant at the young generation, despite ear stretching has been around for alot longer than you even realise, and no not just in africa, all cultures around the world stretched their ears, egyption kings had them stretched, buddah had them, you dont even have the slightest understand of how it all even works thinking it all leaves scars and mutilateing, which is not the case atall. and as for jobs, im on my way to becomeing a manager at a diy store and my ears are at 2inches. so if you work hard you can still acheive anything. that is of course if you dont come into contact with narror minded pricks like you.

  12. This whole blog is pretentious as shit.

  13. "i think they're ugly as fuck. :T done correctly or not. why would you go through all this shit for something that looks bad either way?"

    You're a fucking idiot. I bet you think people who work out are hot, don't you. Guess what -- that's considered body modification. ANYTHING TO CHANGE YOURSELF IS A MODIFICATION. This is one way that people choose to express themselves. When don't you get the fuck off of your high-goddamned-horse and wise up to what's what. Drag culture that's so popular these days? Modification. Breast implants? Modification. Botox injections? Modification. Cutting your hair? Modification.

    So, "why would you go through all this shit for something that looks bad..."? Because they fucking want to. Go choke on a dick.

  14. If you're going to write an article about stretching your ears, you might want to get your facts straight. They're not called "ear gauges". It's called stretching. The jewelry is called a plug or tunnel. The size is the gauge. Before you begin insulting other people for what they want to do to their own bodies, you should actually understand what they are doing. After reading this article with your poor grammar and comprehension of this type of body modification, I can finally see that you're truly ignorant. So, I will let this slide and not be angry at you. I just feel sorry for you because you have displayed your own moronic ideas on the internet for the world to see. Poor you.

  15. If you're going to make a whole entire post about something you don't like, at least put in the effort to research it & learn the correct name of it beforehand. It's calling stretching your lobes, not gauging your ears.

  16. James Thomson11/05/2011 3:57 PM

    It's funny because I've got 16mm tunnels and I'm more metal than every fucking person on this site. Metal's about listening to aggressive music and having fun, not about being a dick to anybody who looks different. That's what's meant to set us apart. We don't judge. Which is why I can go to a Chthonic gig and do the macarena and people will join in, because it's all about having a laugh.

    Grow up and fucking accept people for who they are.

    And learn the fucking terminology. You don't gauge your ears, just like you don't inch them or millimetre them. You stretch them.

  17. taxidermy-dreams11/05/2011 5:01 PM

    What really irks me is this statement: "Let me put it this way: Rob Halford doesn't wear earrings, and he's a flaming homosexual. If he won't even do it, it has to mean something."

    So suddenly sexual orientation has something to do with body mods and personal choices?
    Whatever a person's sexual orientation, personal background, class, religion, ethnicity, race, biological sex/gender identification, WHATEVER... it is their choice on what to do and what not to do with their own bodies.

    These types of modifications to the human body have been going on for centuries. Believe it or not there ARE people out there who modify their bodies correctly, respect the members of other cultures who have modifications within their traditions, who don't stretch their ears too quickly, and who take pride in the way they look with their stretched ears. really can't say whether having stretched ears is "METAL" or not. You're just another one of those people identifying with standards based upon society and its stereotypes.

    And, if you are going to go off and whine about something, please learn correct terminology and do some fucking research before handing out insults and offending a lot of people with stretched ears and/or other body mods, who know what the hell they're talking about.

  18. My ears are stretched to an inch, and I have not one, not two, but three respectable jobs. I manage a Hot Topic, and a Christian bookstore, and I'm a youth minister. Yeah, some places might see your ears, and not hire you, but that's rare, as not hiring someone because of their appearance is discrimination, and is illegal. Do a little research before you bash something, using incorrect terminology and pretending to know things you don't know makes you seem really unintelligent and rude.

  19. I see what he means with the trending. I hate the fact that stretching is a trend, something that is "cool" among the young teenagers to piss off mom and dad and look "Hardcore" or whatever they want to call it. However, I've had my ears stretched at an inch for 7 years now, and I didn't do it to be "cool" or piss anyone off. I'm an adult. I'm not claiming to be anything by the music I listen to, or what I decide to do with my ears. I don't think it makes anyone "not metal" if they have their ears stretched, but I also don't think having their ears stretched makes them "metal" it just means they have their ears stretched for whatever reason they wanted to, legitimate or not.

  20. Brenocide caused some serious butthurt amongst the stretched-lobe community. For all of you stretched-lobe defenders of the faith, Brenocide is not saying that your self-mutilation is horrible and disgusting (though that is a vaild argument), he is saying that it is NOT METAL. Borrowing tribal forms of self-mutilation is a sign of cultural ennui and is an easy way to shock the squares.

  21. my body is a canvas and my earlobes are just more space to express myself <3 :)
    so what's wrong with wanting to match my earrings to my outfits?
    ear-gauging, ear-stretching.. isnt it the same thing?

    here, let me pull the stick out of your ass
    and maybe you won't be such a bitch about the way things are worded.

    I love having more space to display my favorite images or materials
    end of story.

  22. Ok I hope I will end this once and for all:

    Are You white? Yes? No gauges for you.

    Are you black? Maybe? Are you raised to have gauges? No? Then don't get them!!!

    Are you from a culture where gauges originate and have a ceremonious and religious reason for them? No? Then DON'T!!!!

  23. lol at the butthurt this post caused. seriously if you are not a member of a culture that practices ear stretching, then you shouldnt stretch your ears. same applies to those damn tribal tattoos people have. its basically an equivalent of being a wigger.


All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.