Turisas - Lay Down and Snooze

ZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZZ...

A couple of years back, my face was thoroughly ruined by a group of fur-wearing, red face-painted, Finnish folk-metal warriors known as Turisas. Just like the nomadic viking soldiers they honor in their lyrics and stage garb, Turisas took the entire world by storm upon the release of their debut album, "Battle Metal", and soon again after with their equally epic 2007 follow-up, "The Varangian Way". Turisas were best known for their high-powered vocals, extreme fiddle shredding, and accordion powered anthems of flawless awesomeness. Also for having a 5-alarm babe as an accordion player....

We all Netta find a woman like that. Zing.

So when I saw that Century Media Records had the title track of their upcoming 2011 album "Stand Up and Fight" available for download, needless to say I was enthused. Granted, you need to jump through a few hoops by sharing the song on Facebook or Twitter, which I found odd, because due to my hysterical lack of followers on that website, I imagine metalheads don't find much to tweet about. To save yourself the trouble of advertising for Century Media for free, you can listen to the track here. That is, if you can stand it.

It's been a long time since I've been so completely underwhelmed. The song "Stand Up and Fight" is a complete snorefest. I'm not entirely convinced that Mathias even stood up to sing any of it. The intro is pretty legit, but at the 30 second mark, it's like somebody turned off Turisas and turned on the radio, for some "calm before the storm" crooning. Oh boy. The rock all but disappears until 1:34, when the lazy chorus erupts through the speakers about as fiercely as a popped ass boil. The song doesn't really pick up significantly until the lead break after the second chorus, which will grab your long lost attention somewhere after a staggering 3 minutes of unenergetic yawn rock.

What the hell is this? I sincerely hope that Turisas has a lot more to offer us in the rest of the album when Stand Up and Fight is released here in the States, March 8th, 2011. The last thing we need is another metal band going radio friendly on us. Pulling that gabage doesn't get you any airplay anyways. Just ask Mastodon.

I'm beginning to see why Century Media had no qualms with giving this song away for free.