Long Hair Parted from the Side

What band is she in again? 

Does anyone remember Rachel from Friends? God I hope not. I don't even know the actress's name, Calista Flockhart or some shit. She's not relevant anymore anyway. All you need to know is that her hairstyle was very popular with young women in the late 90's and at the beginning of the new millennium. It is now however, a hairstyle that is becoming increasingly popular among young men who enjoy playing and listening to false metal. One of the biggest modern threats to the metal genre's curb appeal, is that we have an increasing number of dudes who are walking around looking like Rachel from Friends.

Long hair on men has been a trademark of heavy metal style since the genre's birth in the late 60's and early 70's; but leave it to the 'scene' to take something that we hold sacred, bastardize it, and make it wussy. The end result is what your little sister looks like when she wastes another day at the salon; hair that is perfectly combed, teased, and parted ever so elegantly from the side of their pretty little heads.

To keep your long hair truly metal, it needs to be parted dead center. This allows for ease of maintenance, which is a must for all the hair swinging involved in being a champion of your musical genre.

I'm not trying to tell you how to look, I'm just trying to help you avoid looking like a wussy douche.