Sunday, December 5, 2010

Bringing your Beer into the Crowd

They built the bar all the way over there for a reason, dipshit.
Beer is a significant staple in a good headbanger's diet. If there was a heavy metal food pyramid, beer would most certainly be the foundation. The contents of the rest of pyramid are up for debate, as Finland definitely eats a lot more elk than we do here in the States. (So far, anyway.) Beer however, is the sacred, delicious elixir of happiness enjoyed around the globe, by all metal fans at all hours of the day.

Beer belongs in three places: in your hand, on your taste buds, and in your stomach. Where it doesn't belong, is all over the concert floor where the rest of us can slip on it and break our ass bone, or down the back of my shirt. I want to be able to back up half a centimeter while standing in the front, and not have your cup of overflowing PBR hovering right there waiting for me. You ordered it at the bar, now drink it at the bar.

What  the hell do you think is going to happen when you bring a teetering plastic cup of liquid into a wriggling crowd of aggressive people? Do you have autism? You spent at the very least 4 dollars for that cup of greatness, and you're going to put it, and everybody else at risk. What you do with your money is none of my business, but whether or not I'm going to do a Charlie Brown "aagh" flip and break my ass, or smell like your cheap beverage the rest of the night, most definitely is my business. 

Drink beer. Drink a lot of it. But drink it over there in the back while the band is playing, until you can finish it like a big boy. Then you can go out and play with the rest of the kids. 


  1. At the Webster Underground they have High Life Tallboys so you can drink beers spill-free.

  2. The webster also has cracks and craters in their floor worse than the surface of the moon. They had to offer beer in cans out of necessity.

  3. Fuck Hatebreed4/15/2011 10:17 AM

    *sigh* The Webster.

    They won't allow you to take your beer outside of the bar area and I thank the gods for this one rule. Getting beer spilled down your back by some douche while he's flipping his half-mane with breakneck motion is about the worst thing that can happen at a concert besides getting an Adida to the face from some retarded karate kid wannabe or seeing Avenged Sevenfold perform live.

    Now if only they could get a good beer selection...

  4. Sten Sarapson2/06/2012 5:19 AM

    I slipped and popped my arm out of the joint at Eyehategod gig, because some douche spilled his beer into the moshpit area...
    As I stood there in utter pain, a fellow mosher bumped into me and knocked it right back where it belonged...
    Luckily I was able to continue, thou I had to fly "the horns" with my left arm...

  5. Oh man! This one venue in L.A. is so damn stupid!! They have bars all over the place and yet they allow all of the concert goers to bring their beers into the pit area. Well guess what happened?? People spilled their beers all over the place and at least 10 people slipped and got hurt badly during the concert. STUPID ASS VENUE!!

  6. Got my first experience with this violation at the Comcast Center with Maiden. I still think I should've turned around and cracked that cocksucker in the jaw.


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