Supergroups

Dear Scott Ian,
Please stop it.
Sincerely, Everyone

While browsing Blabbermouth.net this afternoon, I was introduced to a modern day supergroup known as "The Damned Things". The Damned Things consist of Anthrax guitarists Scott Ian and Rob Caggiano (very metal), Every Time I Die vocalist Keith Buckley (sort of metal, but not really) and the guitarist and drummer from Fall Out B... wait, wait what?

 It was a pretty peculiar combination to say the least, but due to being a long-time Anthrax fan (and avid Fall Out Boy hater), I couldn't help but be intrigued. I eagerly clicked the play button on the audio track "Little Darling" that Blabbermouth provided within the article. I sat and waited patiently for the Foo Fighters song to be over, until I realized that the Foo Fighters song I was listening to, was actually the song by The Damned Things that I was intending to hear in the first place. Imagine my surprise... another supergroup that blows.
"Little Darling" by The Damned THings

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term 'supergroup', it is essentially a "rock-music group whose performers are already famous from having performed individually or in other groups". That's really it in a nutshell. More specifically, a supergroup occurs when a talented musician from a well established band gets tired of making great, well-produced music with the musicians he is well practiced with, so he calls up a bunch of famous names to start a garage band. These are a bunch of guys he doesn't know, doesn't have chemistry with, and all have different opinions in music. It's kind of like being in a band in high school, except you're 40 and a millionaire. I guess that's the idea.

The end result is typically this chaotic jam band clash of different playing styles from different genres of music altogether. It's like jazz with distortion. You can almost hear the artists struggle just to keep time with each other. So the fans are treated to this poorly-cut mishmash of garbage tracks that even the most Revolver of critics would struggle to call art. Regardless, it is produced on a high budget and distributed by a big name record label, just because people know the names, and are going to buy it. Thankfully, due to opposing schedules from their own respective bands, supergroups are often short-lived and hardly ever go on tour.

In theory, it sounds like a great idea. A group of awesome musicians from their own legendary bands all come together to form one single entity of musical glory. In practice however, it is a nightmare. It's like if pizza, birthday cake, whiskey and salmon were thrown into a blender. All of these things are tasty on their own, but a whiskey salmon pizza cake shake shouldn't sound appetizing to anyone. I don't care how drunk you are.

However, it is certainly possible to enjoy fish, cake, pizza and whiskey in one evening, (you are a metalhead after all) and all of these delicious items are going to merge together in your insides and form a single, powerful entity; that of which, the likes have never been seen...

A superpoop.