Tony Österlund is a well known roadie in Finland touring with many of Finnland's finest bands including Hevisaurus... However, even more well known is his son Rony, who he parades around like a dog that can sing and dance to some Mexican mariachi tune. Yes we are talking about young Rony Österlund; the apparent "metal messiah" that was foretold around the world to be the future metal god and savior of n00bs.
(Left: Shagrath showing more love for the kid than his own possible soon to be "son" Weston Cage.)
All over the web you find kids gawking "He shreds with Lexi for CoB... I want my kid to do dat!" or "That's how I am gonna raise my kid, let him listen to metal from day one!" Now, I am not going to sit here and blab like I am from Child Protective Services or some shit, however, what I am going to do is point out some "awkward moments" this kid is forced into and will most likely regret when he is older. You know, like skeletons in the closet- except everyone knows about them because your genius father made you a facebook page for everyone to see and included photo albums.
In fact, lets look at the blurb on his FB page:
"7 year old metal head from Finland. I like to hang around with metal/rock bands. I know at it's hard to believe at like it... but if you have meet me you know at i'n my veins flows metalblood."
Yeah ok DAD... That doesn't seem forced at all... In fact I wonder if the dad actually wrote that himself while drunk to emulate a child's form of writing.
Moving along, here we have a mind numbing video of Rony pretending to play guitar to shit-metal band Children of Bodom. Make sure to put it on MUTE or turn your speakers off before viewing. It's also worth pointing out that Rony seems to be watching his fathers instructions on how to jump around like a nu-metal clown by throwing his arms aimlessly in the air. His father's hand is even visible at the 00:25 mark giving instructions... Smooth.
Because Finland is a country that is governed by metal, shit like this, I am told, is perfectly acceptable. So since this kid's life is presented to the world, I have gathered some noteworthy pictures and decided to give my supreme elitist views on them.
Time to take a trip down Metal Memory (fuck-up) lane....
(Left: Tony-confused by Lexi's eyeliner, accidentally fucks up the metal horns...)
(Left: The second Dee Snyder laid his filthy glam-hands on this kid, he was doomed)
(Left: One of those awkward "don't show my friends that picture dad!!!" type of moments with Wintersun- a band that time has forgotten, and a band I could give a mangy rats ass about)
(Left: Possible first run-in with the law... The officers are most likely questioning why a kid is wandering around a metal venue full of half-naked/drug addicted drunkards, by himself)
(Left: Running the "Black Metal 10K". An event only held in Finland of course)
(Left: On stage with some band that isn't Horna, Ettenmoor, Behexen, or Sargeist, so it does not really matter who the fuck they really are)
(Left: Congratulations kid... You got to meet the worlds biggest asshole.)
In closing I end up feeling sorry for young Rony... Usually I spit on the image of youth in the metal scene, but I feel Rony is just the product of some demented metal nightmare. However his raging fan base tends to think otherwise. So have fun with your future metal messiah... I will be busy alphabetizing my vinyl...
Stay tuned to the ABME page as a Women in Black Metal III will be ready to be revealed soon. Also what to do when you hire a "second wave vocalist" who currently acts like a retard to be in your third wave underground band. Not to mention news on ABME expanding, hate mail, and much much more... all of course when I get around to posting it.
(meanwhile... somewhere in Mexico....)
...or is it???!