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| This is the sort of inexcusable crap that happens when everyone stops drinking. |
Petey Poseur: Lovely indeed! And how about yourself, good sir?
Freddy False: I am quite content at this present time. Tell me Petey, might I inquire about this peculiar music of which we are listening?
Petey Poseur: Allow me to enlighten you, Freddy; this is a rock group that refers to themselves by the name As Blood Runs Black. They are indubitably my all time favorite musical outfit!
Freddy False: I see. Well Petey, I regret to inform you based upon what I am currently hearing, that I do not share the same sentiment as you in regards to their musical performance.
Petey Poseur: You don't say?
Freddy False: Unfortunately, they do indeed fall well outside my spectrum of taste. They simply sound awful to me.
Petey Poseur: I strongly disagree with you about this, but I can fully understand your point of view in not appreciating my personal taste in music. For instance, I find the art produced by your favorite band I Killed the Prom Queen to be nothing short of dreadful to behold.
Freddy False: Really? I'm trying desperately to hide my disappointment in hearing you say so, but it's simply in vain. I have always considered them to be the greatest act to have ever lived, and it never ceases to shock me when I hear that someone else doesn't care for them.
Petey Poseur: Shocking, but still the fact of the matter. With that said, you should fully understand that I respect you for enjoying them, and more than that, I respect them as a musical group. Each one of them has worked incredibly hard to be where they are today, have thousands of fans worldwide, and music that people truly care about.
Freddy False: Of course. Whilst your preference of music is indeed, vastly divergent from mine, I have no qualms with telling you that I appreciate the bands you enjoy for all the people they have touched, their skills in musicianship, and all of the great things they have accomplished in their lives. It is simply amazing no matter how I might feel about them.
Petey Poseur: That's fabulous to hear, Freddy. I know that you and I have a strong, everlasting bond of friendship that will hold resilient despite our greatest personal differences. I feel that differences are what make people special and unique. I adore your company so deeply, simply because I can appreciate your different perspective on so many things.
Freddy False: The same to you as well. Each of us is entitled to our own opinion of everything and anything. Art is, and always will be, subjective after all. We will always be friends and no disagreement regarding music will ever change that. Say, do you see something coming towards us just over the horizon?
Petey Poseur: Why yes, I believe so. Isn't it that Brenocide fellow? Doesn't he write that blo...
NO ONE SURVIVES.
Just this week I achieved 2,000 Facebook Likes for the That's Not Metal page. How could this have ever happened? Despite my constant efforts to enlist only the elitist of the elite to form the most glorious true metal army in existence, I keep acquiring a greater and greater number of what I can only assume are a bunch of dweeby jerk-offs who wouldn't know what true metal was if it guitar soloed all their loved ones into instant cardiac arrest and shat on all their pale-faced corpses. What do you think happened to me when I was young that made me so fucked up? Just kidding. My mom is still totally alive, and keeps calling me about the funerals of relatives I "should be" attending. Message deleted. Grandpa was an asshole who couldn't understand good music anyway. Save yourself 10 grand and bury his unmetal ass in the fucking river.
Being the truest of the true is not easy. This isn't a culture, scene, or counter-culture so much as it is in fact an all out war zone. Metalheads are in constant competition with one another to prove who's better, who's smarter, who's more metal, and who has better taste in music. I'm not smarter or really better than anybody else. In fact, I have proven to all of you on multiple occasions that I am sort of retarded. The only thing that I have going for me is that I am the most metal guy on the planet. Knowing that is really the only thing that makes me metal. Not the length of my hair, the t-shirts I wear, the music I listen to or the people I hang out with. Just convincing myself at all times that I am way, way more metal than the next chode burger. The paradox in such a mindset, is that the only way to be true metal is to think that of yourself. So what we end up with is a million stubborn assholes who "know" for a fact that "they are the best". Needless to say, conflict is unavoidable.
The glory of all this, is that aforementioned conflict is in fact, super fucking metal. It should be very much embraced. It's so damn metal, that it was once dangerously close to becoming the actual definition of "Heavy Metal". However, upon looking up the term "Heavy Metal" in the dictionary, the spot was already occupied by a single photograph:
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| FUCK. |
Nevertheless, true metal fandom is in fact, a battle to the bitter end. If you have good friends who are also metal fans, then you're doing it wrong. A true metal fan dedicates every moment of his existence to putting down other metal fans and musicians to build himself up and convince himself of his assumed ultimate superiority. For instance, if you even had a fleeting moment of concern over whether or not I was referring to you specifically when I mentioned a bunch of dweeby jerk-offs liking my facebook page, then get the fuck out of here. You've already lost, and are very much in fact, a dweeby jerk-off. Enjoy your big move to Falseville and taking a mortgage out on a nice, cozy little ranch house off Poseur Lake Drive. Jerk-off.
So in respects to all of this, today's Violation is in the vein of Open-Mindedness, which I will always consider to be the ultimate Heavy Metal sin. Where as "open-mindedness" was a much broader example of how a metal fan should never act, this violation is much more specific. One of the worst atrocities a metal fan can take part in is laying down one's arms, ceasing the debate, and agreeing to disagree with your fellow metal or non-metal foes in regards to one's taste in music. The very thought of such civility towards your fellow man makes me downright ill with rage.
"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion..." "Good music is music that's good to you..." "Art is subjective..."; these are all very dangerous phrases, and the moment they are uttered is the moment a poseur has just proudly announced his or her presence. What a crock of horse shit. Art is not fucking "subjective". There is good art and there is bad art. Just because there are people stupid enough to appreciate bad art doesn't mean it could ever possibly be in fact "good art". Here's a really great example:
Leonardo da Vinci knew how to paint a woman:
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| Noice... |
Pablo Picasso, on the other hand, never had a fucking clue:
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| DERP. |
Better luck next time, Picasso. Oh that's right, you're dead. I guess you'll just have to be remembered for sucking your whole life. To a guy like me who knows exactly what he's talking about, a band such as The Bunny and the Bear is essentially just like an eager attempt to paint a woman; except her fingers are all over the fucking place, her nose is coming out of the side of her face, and her eyes are both different colors that no human has. Enjoying said band is like saying to Picasso "Great job! That looks just like a real woman!" Or in this particular case, "Great job! This sounds like music..."
Nobody is "entitled" to such an opinion. Nobody...
Which reminds me; I enjoyed one big juicy bottle of Hatorade in the form of a comment several months ago that still sticks with me to this day. It went as follows:
"It's pathectic how you keep bashing bands that you feel isn't "metal" but don't provide any worthwhile arguments.. you bitch and ramble on about a band with petty insults. i wouldn't be surprised if you're some adolescent twat who grew up listening to thrash and think kerry king is god, or just some outcast loser that hates the world. Do you even have any music background? You're no elitist, just some closed minded hatemonger. Dissing Trivium, BFMV, BvB, etc... dude these guys are headlining festivals.. hell i bet their fingers alone have gotten more pussy than you. jealous? what are you doing with your life faggot?"
I have long since given this pubescent queeftard his just thrashings, which obviously wasn't that difficult, but this one particular post of his still manages to remain in the back of my mind. As you should know, a man in my position receives constant venom, insults, defiance and even death threats on an almost daily basis. Almost to the point that such actions I now consider yawn-worthy, and I rarely react much anymore. Giving me a piece of your mind is inadvisable, especially when you don't have much of a mind to be handing out in the first place. Anyway, this comment against my blog I couldn't seem to shake from my psyche, simply due to how absurd it was. Why in the world would I ever have to explain myself in my hatred of the band Trivium? The fact that Trivium is a terrible band is just common knowledge among the music world; or so I assumed anyway. Breaking down and explaining exactly why I hate Trivium would be like trying to "provide worthwhile arguments" against why it seems unpleasant and unbecoming for someone to ingest feces. Most of us just know better. You have every right as an individual to start eating your own or even someone else's poop. In your personal opinion, it must be delicious! How dare I fail to respect that...
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| I call it "In Waves". Bon appetit. |
Much like the opinion that most of us who follow typical social norms would have regarding someone who dines on dookie, I have absolutely no tolerance for people who love shitty music. I just don't. It's beyond my comprehension how someone could love music that is uninspired, cliche, lame and boring as opposed to music that is epic, majestic, brutal and metal as fuck. Metal scientists such as myself have spent years studying the thought process of human beings who prefer other music outside of the most metal bands possible. We have come to the tragic conclusion that it is a mental defect more hopeless than Alzheimer's. This disease is commonly referred to as Shitty Musical Taste, or SMT. Although we've made some progress in researching girlfriends who start pretending to like their boyfriend's metal music for his approval, SMT has no known cure, and effects the majority of the population. These people are more or less to be looked upon as lepers in a true metalhead's eyes. They are just beyond our help. Although it might hurt you greatly to do so, shunning your unmetal peers and loved ones is the only way to remain on the path towards true metal redemption. Nobody less metal than you should be worth any of your time; which you're going to safely assume is everybody.
Although I often like to send a lot of the hate I receive from my haters on this site back to them, and will ruthlessly tear into most anyone who dares cross me; I often do so only because it's the rules of the game. You see, I truthfully swell with pride when someone insults my musical taste, calls me a poseur, or brings my metalocity into question. These acts are of course, nothing short of laughable, but I'll admit whenever I hear it, the only thought that goes through my mind is "that's the goddamn spirit!"
To call the truest mother fucker the world has ever known anything but totally true, you must have as many balls as Jupiter has moons. That's fucking metal. I can't help but admire your courage, and although it doesn't take much for me to place you well beneath me once again, where you rightly belong; I am eternally proud you made the attempt to better me, futile thought it may have been. This isn't to say that I'm in appreciation of all of those who defy me. Only those who valiantly crusade to outmetal me, which is actually quite rare among this webpage's negative comments. The majority of my opposition are those who believe I should stop talking foul of other people's taste in music, and should respect other people's "opinions". What these dingbats refuse to realize is that I am in fact, a metalhead. Or did I not make that clear to you hole huffers?
As the truest of the true metal elite, you only have two major duties that you must constantly do throughout the majority of your conscious existence:
1. Listen to metal.
2. Argue about metal.
Never stop arguing. Your job is to convince everyone who disagrees with your musical taste that you are right based off one very simple concept: you are right. Stop "thinking" a band sucks like a frail, sensitive pussy who doesn't know how to do anything but sugarcoat everything he says, and start knowing a band sucks. Accept it as a fact. Someone telling you that Asking Alexandria is an awesome band is the exact same situation as someone telling you that "2+2= nipples". It is not "voicing an opinion", it's just someone making a statement that is factually inaccurate. Music is either terrible or it isn't. Don't buy into this crap about "relativity" and "subjectivity". Such concepts are lies spun by record companies to trick people into enjoying shitty music and paying for shitty albums.
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| Probably some sort of profit equation. Probably. |
The only healthy mindset you can maintain in the true metal realm is that if somebody on the internet or in a social setting says something positive about a band that you don't like, then that person is a complete fucking moron, and deserves to be punished with the truth. The punishment process is typically a long and arduous one, and you will find in your many battles ahead that people can be extremely passionate about their love of terrible music. I have nearly come to blows in the past, specifically when notifying rap music fans that all of their favorite artists were in fact, a bunch of "sucka MCs". People rely heavily on their boring and shitty music to help them through their equally boring and shitty lives. This is why pop songs about breaking up sell so well. People think they can actually relate with Taylor Swift's or even Killswitch Engage's songs about overexaggerated heartache. It's no wonder they get so upset when you undermine it all with your negative comments.
Poseurs and falsies have no qualms with defying you heavily once you reveal to them how dreadful their music sounds to everyone with a functional brain. They won't hesitate to insult you for listening to true metal, which shouldn't hurt your feelings whatsoever, as their comments will be for the most part, completely ignorant. People who insult the metal genre, don't actually know anything about metal. If they did, they'd be listening to it instead. Take comfort in this fact, and use it to your advantage. Here's a couple great examples of some objections against metal that I have overcome on more than one occasion:
Cunty Clueless: All they ever do is scream in metal!
Brenocide: No they don't.
Brenocide: 1 Cunty Clueless: 0
XxHarryXHardcorexX: My music is real! It's about real life! All they sing about in metal is dragons and wizards and shit!
Brenocide: No they don't.
Brenocide: 2 HarryXHardcore: 0
Brenocide: Also a bunch of scrawny vegans beating up people isn't "real life".
Brenocide: 3 HarryXHardcore: -1
There is no legitimate argument someone can make against metal, because there is nothing wrong with metal. Period. (Unless it's metal that sucks, but that's a different story.) You can continue to berate another person's taste in music to your heart's content, comfortable with the fact that heavy metal's defense more or less remains bullet proof without much of your assistance. Realizing that there is no way your opponent can properly justify the music he or she listens to, and there's definitely no way he or she can chink the impenetrable armor that is a perfect heavy metal playlist, a weaker person will rely on the "opinion defense" to weasel their way out of what is clearly a losing battle. This moment someone brings up the concept of an "opinion" or makes the fruit cup claim of "to each their own", this should be interpreted as nothing less than a clear sign of defeat on their part. It's no better than flipping over a chessboard the moment one realizes his king's demise is inevitable. Feel free to gloat about your victory when a person tries to claim that different music does different things for different people. It's truly nothing more than waving a big white flag in the face of your musical superiority. Well done, soldier.
Another pretty common objection when dealing with someone who only loves music that sucks, is that you are "jealous" of the musical acts you are speaking lowly of. You'll deal with this more frequently with a younger crowd, as their brains are not fully developed, so they never know what the fuck they are talking about. Not to say that you necessarily have to hear it from adolescents, stupid definitely effects all age groups; but leave it to some teenager to assume that everybody with a record deal is a rock star swimming in millions, or must be hardened artistic geniuses for being able to speed pick and play power chords. "You're just jealous of Alex Koehler because he's out there living his dream performing with Chelsea Grin, while you're writing this shitty blog and jacking off in your mom's basement!" I sure hope it's always been Alex's dream to sit in a busted ass van among the lingering stench of sweaty boy farts, traveling hundreds of miles to the next shithole-in-the-wall dive bar, where his band will be paid for their technical difficulty-laden deathcore performance just enough to break even on gasoline. Maybe. Life on the road as a struggling artist would be a memorable experience for most of us, but it's hardly glamorous or anything I would be envious of. There's a reason that major selling acts like Journey, Bob Seger, The Eagles and Metallica covering Bob Seger performed songs about how riding around on a bus all the time made them so butthurt, and they're all fucking rich. The minor deathcore acts all you impressionable children love so much hardly have the same rock star luxuries as the major music groups before them, regardless of what may seem like a sufficient following. Making a name for themselves is no picnic, even if they are generic.
Case in point, Between the Buried and Me are just barely staving off the necessity for odd jobs in their downtime. Between the Buried and Me. Those guys are almost as big as my hatred for their entire fanbase, yet they struggle for their Kraft Mac n' Cheese like the rest of us lowlifes. So as far as how "jealous" I am of your favorite deathcore acts; if I wanted to be barely making it in life and spend all my time driving around in a van with a bunch of retards, I would just apply to the local school system.
People may call you close-minded, egotistical, opinionated or arrogant for spreading the word of true metal, but you and I know damn well that you are a champion of truth. Telling people that the music they listen to is garbage is not harassment, but a civic duty to your fellow man. It's education. Much like the theory of evolution, all the evidence is there to support the fact that true metal is the best genre of music ever, but people will continue to disbelieve it due to some grand delusion. You can't let this discourage you. Go forth my minions; dislike the YouTube videos, troll the web forums, blow up the blog comments, let your voice be heard. Let it shine valiantly like a beacon of clarity among the fog of bad musical taste. Argue your superior opinion until it is spoken with your final breath.
Unless you love Wolves in the Throneroom. Then you can just shut the fuck up.
- Brenocide \,,/
Poseurs and falsies have no qualms with defying you heavily once you reveal to them how dreadful their music sounds to everyone with a functional brain. They won't hesitate to insult you for listening to true metal, which shouldn't hurt your feelings whatsoever, as their comments will be for the most part, completely ignorant. People who insult the metal genre, don't actually know anything about metal. If they did, they'd be listening to it instead. Take comfort in this fact, and use it to your advantage. Here's a couple great examples of some objections against metal that I have overcome on more than one occasion:
Cunty Clueless: All they ever do is scream in metal!
Brenocide: No they don't.
Brenocide: 1 Cunty Clueless: 0
XxHarryXHardcorexX: My music is real! It's about real life! All they sing about in metal is dragons and wizards and shit!
Brenocide: No they don't.
Brenocide: 2 HarryXHardcore: 0
Brenocide: Also a bunch of scrawny vegans beating up people isn't "real life".
Brenocide: 3 HarryXHardcore: -1
There is no legitimate argument someone can make against metal, because there is nothing wrong with metal. Period. (Unless it's metal that sucks, but that's a different story.) You can continue to berate another person's taste in music to your heart's content, comfortable with the fact that heavy metal's defense more or less remains bullet proof without much of your assistance. Realizing that there is no way your opponent can properly justify the music he or she listens to, and there's definitely no way he or she can chink the impenetrable armor that is a perfect heavy metal playlist, a weaker person will rely on the "opinion defense" to weasel their way out of what is clearly a losing battle. This moment someone brings up the concept of an "opinion" or makes the fruit cup claim of "to each their own", this should be interpreted as nothing less than a clear sign of defeat on their part. It's no better than flipping over a chessboard the moment one realizes his king's demise is inevitable. Feel free to gloat about your victory when a person tries to claim that different music does different things for different people. It's truly nothing more than waving a big white flag in the face of your musical superiority. Well done, soldier.
Another pretty common objection when dealing with someone who only loves music that sucks, is that you are "jealous" of the musical acts you are speaking lowly of. You'll deal with this more frequently with a younger crowd, as their brains are not fully developed, so they never know what the fuck they are talking about. Not to say that you necessarily have to hear it from adolescents, stupid definitely effects all age groups; but leave it to some teenager to assume that everybody with a record deal is a rock star swimming in millions, or must be hardened artistic geniuses for being able to speed pick and play power chords. "You're just jealous of Alex Koehler because he's out there living his dream performing with Chelsea Grin, while you're writing this shitty blog and jacking off in your mom's basement!" I sure hope it's always been Alex's dream to sit in a busted ass van among the lingering stench of sweaty boy farts, traveling hundreds of miles to the next shithole-in-the-wall dive bar, where his band will be paid for their technical difficulty-laden deathcore performance just enough to break even on gasoline. Maybe. Life on the road as a struggling artist would be a memorable experience for most of us, but it's hardly glamorous or anything I would be envious of. There's a reason that major selling acts like Journey, Bob Seger, The Eagles and Metallica covering Bob Seger performed songs about how riding around on a bus all the time made them so butthurt, and they're all fucking rich. The minor deathcore acts all you impressionable children love so much hardly have the same rock star luxuries as the major music groups before them, regardless of what may seem like a sufficient following. Making a name for themselves is no picnic, even if they are generic.
Case in point, Between the Buried and Me are just barely staving off the necessity for odd jobs in their downtime. Between the Buried and Me. Those guys are almost as big as my hatred for their entire fanbase, yet they struggle for their Kraft Mac n' Cheese like the rest of us lowlifes. So as far as how "jealous" I am of your favorite deathcore acts; if I wanted to be barely making it in life and spend all my time driving around in a van with a bunch of retards, I would just apply to the local school system.
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| Tommy Rogers photographed here with food. A rare event for the members of BTBAM. |
Unless you love Wolves in the Throneroom. Then you can just shut the fuck up.
- Brenocide \,,/
