Sunday, October 9, 2011

Poseur Mail Saturday: It's actually Sunday. Who cares? Fuck you.

Verbal abuse will always hurt. Especially in your butt.
Is it that time again? I think it's that time again. That brief moment where time stands still and I decide to turn my attention to see what the poseurs have to say about this blog. Then you get see what I have to say back to them. Simple, right? Try to pay attention here, this isn't fucking rocket science. It's Rock It science, ya bitch:

Joseph said...
I would like to propose a question to the author, and anyone else that would like to answer my question. 
Why would you attend a concert if your intentions were to stand there emotionless, inactive, looking bored for 3 hours until the headliner plays?
This is where there is a major flaw in this article. I understand the main point "Play good music, or stop playing music all together", "Everyone is a poser but me"
The flaw in your 'logic' if we can call it that is this: you take absolutely no consideration for the fact of local bands, and the local scene. People that go to every show they can and have fun. A band doesn't necessarily have to be good to be loved.
It my opinion it is people like you that make the scene a bad place. The jackasses that stand there with their arms crossed the whole time and that "who just farted" face plastered on for hours at a time. Get over yourself.
People go out to alleviate stress and simply have fun. Who are you to judge someone for getting excited over the fact that a band is excited to play?
Why do you care if someone is screaming and jumping around.
Do what makes you happy.
Yours truly,
Someone that isn't a cunt.

That's actually a really excellent question, Joseph! "Why would I attend a concert if my intentions were to stand there emotionless, inactive looking bored for 3 hours until the headliner plays?" I completely agree. Why would anybody do that? I definitely don't have those intentions when I attend a live performance whatsoever. Believe me, I would prefer to have a good time, really. It just happens to turn out that I usually end up standing there for 3 hours until the headliner plays, completely unentertained, as no fault of my own whatsoever. You know who's fault it is? The band that sounds like musical tampons stinking up the stage, dumbass. Look man, I go to a show to hop around like a fruitcake fucktard and girly scream just like anybody else, and I plan to do exactly that when the band that I know for a fact is awesome takes the stage. Either that, or I will be pleasantly surprised by a band opening for them that I was not aware was awesome, and enjoy myself at that time. Don't bleed your anus all over my new linoleum floor just because I don't indiscriminately grab my pants and start yodeling with orgasmic delight the moment a warm body steps on the stage and starts fingering an instrument. Music that sucks will always be music that sucks. It doesn't matter if it's live or local. In fact, it's usually worse that way, because now I have fewer degrees of separation between myself and a musical act that sucks all sorts of mangy monkey meat.

Joseph, seen here when someone, anyone starts playing guitar near him.

So my "logic" (if I have the absolute audacity to dare call it such) is "flawed", huh? Well let's take your logic for a spin, Schrodinger. "A band doesn't necessarily have to be good to be loved." If I could make up an even dumber statement, I would. Alas, I can't. I don't know if anybody can. That probably takes the cake for the stupidest thing ever seriously said in the history of human speech. So let me get this straight; you love music even though you know for a fact that it blows? That's awesome dude. You keep doing that. I'm going to be over here with the rest of the people who have a fully functional brain. 

You see, it's one thing to think shitty music is good, but to know it's shitty music, and still like it anyway? Well, that's just beyond all comprehension to me and everyone smarter than you. So what if it's fucking local? Do you know what bands came from my area? Shadows Fall, All That Remains, and Killswitch Engage. Should I love those bands just because my algebra teacher failed one of them? You want me to go jam to some fucking ATR just because their members used to write shitty music or masturbate within a 10-mile radius of me? Why should we be forced as music lovers to hold some unwritten allegiance to our "local scene"? It doesn't really matter to me whether it's a bunch of guys in a garage next door to me or in a garage in Australia. If they're playing music that sucks, fuck them. "It my opinion it is" that I shouldn't get over myself, but you should get yourself over a bridge. Better luck next time, Joey. 

Anonymous said...
Fuck your shit, Wolves in the Throne Room kick ass live. Their fans are annoying as hell though, I'll give you that.

Yes, you are. You really, really are. At least you're honest with yourself.

toometalforyoursorryass said...

Hahaha! Stupid little cunt kids thinking you're elite. What a joke. You phonies sit there listening to your shitty black metal, but you have no clue what you're talking about. This is just another one of those phony wannabe elitist blogs filled with retarded articles about scene kids and metalcore. Haha, You idiots are not elitists, you're pussies. To achieve true elite status you must DO something for the metal community, not just sit there and talk bullshit about crap you know absolutely nothing about. Come back when you're a real elitist, kid.

So elitism is reserved only for those who "DO", (not just "do" with lowercase letters, which are only for pussies,) but "DO" something for the "metal community". Awesome advice fella, save for the part where you mention what you've done lately for anybody's community. You must have just forgotten to say, because it clearly sounds like you know what you're talking about. By the way, what's with you vag farts and your obsession with the concept of the "community" and the "scene"? What am I, in some fucking neighborhood I need to contribute to? Are we in a metal condominium? Am I supposed to look at the community board to find out what you need me to do exactly? Will there be a brutal town hall meeting? How many hours of true metal community service do I need to complete to achieve true metal status? Do I need to pick up trv trash on the kvlt highway? Do I need to attend metal assemblies at the high schools to teach metal kids about moshing safety? Should I go to a metal nursing home and read Heavy Metal in Baghdad to the old folks?

toometalforyoursorryass DOing his part, like a true elitist.
Obviously, I have nothing but questions for a hardened elitist such as yourself, good sir. I clearly have a lot to learn, and would appreciate your continued contribution to this page! My first question, after we get what good you are out of the way, would probably be why you would consider bands I have openly made comments about enjoying such as Dio, Manowar, Saxon, Judas Priest, Kreator, Sodom, Nile, Iron Maiden, Death, Amon Amarth, Accept and Blind Guardian to be "shitty black metal"? My next question would then be about where you get off wasting a perfectly good human's life worth of oxygen? There's a pillow up in your bedroom, bucko. Put your face in it and wait. 

breniside said...
hey im brenoside im very gay and i have no life i made this shit blog cuz im jealos on other bands cuz they have succes and money and talent and i will never have that so im just gonna hate ob shit. lol i hate deathcmetal and metalcore but i dunno why lol i think cuz im jealos on the bands and the fans cuz theyhave a life and i dont. i only listen to shitty gay ass black metal cuz i think its 'trooo metaalzz omg vikingf wizard medeieval satan!!!1111!!' but actully it sucks lol its just stupid gay shit an like mediaval crap lol sofuck me and stop reading my shittyass blog ok bye ps im very gay

To be fair, I guess I do say that a lot.

And for this next bit, I get to weed through a flood of comments that Richard Sjunnesson formerly of Sonic Syndicate probably posted on my blog while disguised as his non-existent fans. Long story short, Sjunnesson sent a bunch of his teeny bopper fans my way because he has the professionalism and integrity of a baby carrot, and is continuing his tirade against me and the blog despite months and months after I forgot he was still a thing. I don't really feel like bothering with the guy anymore, because at this point, I have more fans and I am more highly recognized in the music world than he is, but his cunthurt fans are still totally free game.

 Sjunnesson wanted to see what it looked like to be surrounded by friends who understood him.

Anonymous said...

I don't know who this guy to define a band taht exist aout mroe than 10years so
you 15year old-boy do what they did from 2000 then u can critize them.

This is nonsense
You judge them because of this one event
anyway you said:, "I couldn't really give less of a shit."
"I'm not still bragging about it. I'm not dwelling on it. I'm not even really all that proud of what I did to them. I've moved past it to bigger and better things."
then why are you cite Sonic Syndicate with THE SAME THING ALL OVER AND OVER taht "what a 'buttcore' band because they wrote a song about a disaster "
yes they wrote, at least they are creative
If U looked up some of their lyrics u would realize taht they CAN write good music
but anyway u don't care cuz u listen to one genre (what i sumamrized up reading ur post)and anything that IS REALLY metal (okay I know they have many melodic songs and that's more metal than the new album)you say oh taht's sucks because u don't like it

and the second mistake.
"He decided that getting rid of the screamo vocals for a more mainstream sound "didn't fly with this crow" and he moved on to different things. Probably because he can't sing anything but screamo, and didn't have a choice"
If u can ever put a one minute power to read his blog's first entry then u realize that's not what he decide to do in WRTN and tahts why he quit
read out twice what you are writing before posting them

I know this is asking a lot, really I do. But do you maybe, I dunno, want to try saying all of that all over again except with a little less... what's the word I'm looking for here... derp? I want you to focus really hard on your last sentence there, my anonymous friend. Even though it looks like you translated it through Google or something, it's still really great fucking advice. You should put "one minute power to" proof-read your comments. Afterwards, you can go WRTN all you want, or whatever.

I also love how everyone assumes just because I still have strict standards in my musical preference that there's no way I couldn't be a child. I guess 15-year-olds look really young and immature when you deal with them all the time at the age of 17. (Those fucking sophomores...) It's like when you become an adult, you're just supposed to give up on life and automatically pretend to enjoy everything, so you can avoid conflict and make everything easier for yourself. I don't need to pretend to love everything just to feel better about my life. That's what alcohol is for. 

Anonymous said...
this is actually pretty hilarious, part sad, but hilarous none the less. We have a kid, obsessed whit generes, so obsessed that he makes a blog about it to tell people they what is and is not metal. Calling people wannabe metalheads and posers but fails to see the irony in what hes doing.

Meanwhile hes critizing someones knowledge of the english language when he knows that person comes from a part of the world where english aint their primary languge while the only words he seems to have in his own vocabulary is "butthurt" and "retard".

Critizing someones music is fine but when cant do it without start making fun of the creators name cuz your to ignorant to understand, that just shows how you lack valid and intelligent arguments to back your opinion up. Or how you would put it "seems like someone is to butthurt to think straight"

I don't think you're a wannabe or a poseur, Anonymous. I just think you're retarded and butthurt.

With that said, I have absolutely no issue breaking down for you specifically why Sonic Syndicate is a terrible band. Making fun of the way he talks, looks and his queefy name is just a whole lot funnier. Seriously, you have to take my typical readership into consideration here when I'm discussing bands that aren't very good at making music. I don't really need to break down and explain why they sound shitty to the guys that read my blog. Most of them have ears that work. 

Blueflame said...
This is the most idiotic piece of bullshit that I have read in my entire life.
Honestly, this band's music saved my life. And Richard happens to be my hero, even though he left Sonic Syndicate.
You can't just listen to only one song by a band and then judge them. You have to listen to ALL of their music, old and new, to make complete judgements about them. You can't judge them based on that one song for fucks sake.

So you can shut the fuck up about my favourite band in the world and stick your ignorant head up your filthy ass.

Really? I have to listen to every second of Sonic Syndicate's discography before I get to form an opinion about them? Well Blueflame, you got me there. I guess no matter what I say, I have no clue how fucking terrible Sonic Syndicate can truly get. Do you really want to open up your favorite band to that much criticism? If that's the case, I absolutely accept your challenge. Send me your e-mail address, enough cash for a 1-Liter of Jameson Irish Whiskey through PayPal, and I will sit down and listen to every fucking Sonic Syndicate song ever. Then, I will write you a track by track review and send it to you. If I walk out of that situation a fan, I will gladly refund your money. Send enough for two, just in case. Screw it, just send me all your money. You're spending it on nothing but shitty albums anyway. 
Sjunnesson, pictured here with the fan that's threatening to kill me.

Anonymous said...
This gave me quite the laugh. You are such a person one loves to hate, just simply such a genre freak and hater that a person like me.. Yes I am mentally unstable.. would love to vandalize your body with my tools of choice. Why? Not because I am a fanboy or anything, just because you do not appreciate life, nor do you deserve it. One day I will find you and that day will be the day when a different shade of blue brings out the best in you..

Honestly, I have to admit. When I read this, a shiver went down my spine.

Then I farted.

You want to vandalize my body with your tools of choice, eh? Are you going to gag-ball me, strap me to a table and give me a harsh handie I won't soon forget? When you said "shade of blue" did you really mean "white"? Seriously, I'm very flattered, but I'm just going through some shit right now. A relationship, even if it would be strictly sexual, just isn't for me at this time and place in my life. I might consider it if you were really hot, so if you wanted to send me some nude pics to prove that, definitely feel free to. You seem pretty up front about getting naughty with me, but maybe we can just spend some time to getting to know each other first? I mean, I don't even know your name or anything. Let's just take things slow, talk a bit and see where things go from there? I'm saying all this on the preconceived notion that you are indeed a female, as it's totally out of the question for anyone with a pair of testicles to listen to the single most pussy metalcore band ever. I'm just taking that whole "fanboy" thing as a figure of speech...

Call me!

- Brenocide \,,/


  1. tl;dr

    jizzed after seeing the new header though. nice job, bro(nocide \,,/).

  2. Satan is my Creator10/09/2011 2:07 AM

    Your butthurting skills never cease to amaze me Brenocide...even after the butthurt pussies start raging at their computers while blasting Sonic Syndicate into their worthless ears, you still make them even MORE butthurt! I think they might need some surgery after this one!

    Stay Metal brother! \,,/

  3. Brenocide +500

  4. After all this negativity, I want to praise Lord Brenocide. All hail Brenocide for creating epic poetry.

  5. Some more love coming your way bro, because I just noticed the new logo. It's epic.

  6. I really like the idea of Trveville, but I'm sure nobody would give a fuck about the community service.

  7. Laughed hard at the last one.
    Wait, I was laughing since the very first words, actually.

    Apparently there's no limit for stupidity.

  8. Awesome new logo, and awesome new post. As always.


  9. I'd give you a harsh handie you won't soon forget

  10. SurvivedAbortion110/09/2011 9:40 PM

    I'm surprised fuckyouposers didn't make a special appearance here.

  11. The last one is proof that metal blogs can get you laid.

  12. Lol, seeing you write this stupid crud. Responding to butthurt comments shows you are butthurt yourself. By the way, the bands you list are awful. Seriously, Blind Guardain, MANOWAR? Are you a fricking dork? Blind Guardian are for those no social life fatties that only play WoW, and Manowar are so cheesy, so cliche, so stupid to look at, (not to mention they always seem to overcompensate for something by being MANLY) that I can't believe you can even tolerate ONE song by them. You seriously need real metal in your life, go listen some Korn, or better yet, if you want real manly metal that doesn't seem to try to compensate something, listen to Rammstein, the best of german metal, they have good inteligent and deep lyrics unlike the metal you hear which is mostly about dragons and gore and satanic stuff and not real stuff. Seriously, I can't believe you actually listen to black and death metal and call that music. Rammstein alone is better than those thousands of bands you hear.

  13. Ok this Anonymous is fucking kidding, right?

    I can't stand Blind Guardian (makes me sleepy) or Manowar (never got into it) but at least they are metal bands...

    now... Korn? Rammstein?

    I like Rammstein, but they will NEVER be metal. And Korn? SERIOUSLY? Are we still in 2000? Gimme a break.

    Plus, Germany has Kreator, Accept, Sodom, Destruction... how can you say Rammstein is the best of Germany's metal?

  14. Agreeing with Kite on this one.

  15. Knocking Blind Guardian and Manowar, 'go listen some Korn' [sic], naming Rammstein the best German metal band, 'dragons and gore and satanic stuff'....

    Obvious troll is deadly obvious.

  16. kingcarcas134910/10/2011 3:39 AM

    Because unless you have a walkie talkie and someone on the inside telling you when the Headliner is up you will risk getting there late. Plus people might want to go to the bathroom/buy a drink so being there on time is a good idea, not to mention you probably dropped $20-30 so hey even if the bands suck it's worth checking out. Now for me i can entertain myself with my phone or just walk around or go outside if they let you, i won't dog the band since i'm just not like that but i see why people would. Some of them are pure fail knock-off deathcore band #15098 and you say to yourself "Srsly?" "Ok everybody jump da fuck uuuupppp!!" lol *breakdown chugachuga* and if this is a low end place you're probably one of the only 10 people there yet. At a backyard gig you're fine cause you can leave and go indulge in whatever vice you're into.If they want to jump around and sing hallelujah well they belong at a Blink 182 concert, someone from the pitt out to teach you a lesson, go have fun somewhere that isn't near me dude, and take your poser gf with you. Fact is "local scenes" produce plenty of shitty bands because "local scene" means L.A. and if you can't do it here well you just suck. I'm surprised WITR actually performs live, i thought they would be too hip to do that. I prefer the term "eat a lead sandwhich" but yes taping a plastic bag over your head will do. Judging by the spelling that poster is definitely a brokencyde fan. Also looking up lyrics to show how "Metal" a band is isn't Metal. Lyrics only matter when they can actually make good music. Double LOL at the "saved my life" and "listen to the old stuff" cliches. Ok serial killer says people who don't like certain things "don't appreciate life" and then ironically threatens to kill people....oook. I would also have guessed it's probably some crazy BDSM chick from vampirefreaks or something.... ^ Some serious fail going on there, criticizing real metal bands even if they may be cheesey to defend metalcore commercialized falseness gimmick bands with girls in them that don't play a real instrument. Intelligent and deep lyrics?? PLEEASSEEE someone do some investigating into all these "Deep lyrics" and i bet we find them full of cliches, bullshit and not even making any sense, then the artist will say "it's up to the listeners interpretation" :)

  17. FUCKYOUPOSERS10/10/2011 8:08 AM

    FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FuCK YOU@!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!

  18. Anonymous, If youre serious about rammstein being the best german "metal" band and have real deep lyrics I want you to see the lyrics to "bück dich" and "pussy". Manowar have lyrics about glory and true friendship and being a true heavy metal fan. If this is a joke, I luaghed but then i got worried that people may think korn and rammstein is good music, just checking. And i think i will haft to tell you why my grammar and spelling is bad, thats becaus i come from Sweden where polarbears and santa lives. Hail.

  19. Everybody stop making me feel bad about enjoying WITTR, my hipster sensibilities can't handle such strain.

    But I actually do like WITTR. Don't hate me.

  20. toometalforyoursorryass10/11/2011 7:37 AM

    They see me trollin'
    They hatin'

  21. What the fuck is "Chats Not MetaD"?

    Also, Thundercats want their logo back.

    Negative points for effort.

  22. Hesh, shut up. It doesn't look like the Thundercats logo, you just clearly have no eyes

  23. You're right. The Thundercats logo is way more metal.

  24. I know it's offtopic, but can someone please explain to me what's with all the hate for Wolves in the Throne Room? is it because of the ideology, or the hipster fans, because if it is, then that's retarded. (also, here where i live we fortunately dont have many hipsters and definitely not one of them will go to a metal concert. so nothing to spoil them for me here.) i'm glad that for a change americans make decent black metal.

  25. Celestial Lineage was one of their best albums resembling a sound to both Agalloch and Drudkh. So, hardly any hate should still be streaming. Black Cascade was a boring album though. I agree with you Infracolour. Besides, those who hate on WitTR are either elitists or those users on Metal-Archive giving all Pantera albums a 100%. Seriously, if hating on Wolves in the Throne Room thinks it will change any fans mind from listening to them, then they're wrong. Besides, their music taste is as worse everybodyelse's. It's alright to hate on Krallice and Panopticon though.

  26. well thank you. yes, black cascade was pretty boring, but two hunters is my definite favourite (the epicness of the main riff in I will lay down my bones..., especially when they play it in half speed). they're coming to my country soon, and im pretty excited since they said theyre primarily a live band.

  27. "Honestly, I have to admit. When I read this, a shiver went down my spine.

    Then I farted."

    The icing on the cake. Genius

  28. bitchyoldfart2/20/2012 1:42 PM

    Manowar may be assholes who are 20+ years past their prime, but they most certainly were a great metal band in the 80s. Saying they're too cliche is dumb since the cliche came from them doing it in the first place.

    WITTR is all intro and very little payoff.
    Like Manowar's last album.

  29. TheIronMaiden6/10/2012 11:35 PM

    "Honestly, I have to admit. When I read this, a shiver went down my spine.

    Then I farted."

    Bahaha! Love it!
    What I -DON'T- love is the number of ass-hats speaking negatively about Manowar. Furthermore, even if the logo did strike a resemblence to the Thundercats logo, why would anyone complain about it? Thundercats, HOOOO! (motherfuckers)


All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.