Cheap Pops

"SUP EVERYONE, WE'RE EMMURE!!"

"Y'ALL READY FOR SOME MOTORHEAD?!"

I don't think you'll find a dumber person than a dumb metalhead. I didn't use to feel this way, but then I started dealing with large groups of you on a daily basis. A lot of you are pretty fucking stupid. This doesn't necessarily apply to all of you, but feel free to search around my site and look at some of the comments if you don't believe how bad it is for most some of you. When retarded hits a metalhead, apparently it hits hard. It almost shocks and definitely embarrasses me that I actually listen to the same type of music as some of you evolutionary failures. I would say something like "you know who you are" but the sad part is you actually don't. That's part of your problem. You don't get it and you never will. The even sadder part is that you will comment on this page enthusiastically agreeing with me in your typical dumb ass way, thinking it doesn't apply to you. Moron...

Morbid Angel's New Album Really, Really Sucks

Are you all ready to killakilla copcop?

Now, that is a title I never expected to see, let alone be the one to write it. It’s devastating, but the truth must be known. This album blows. I mean, we all know Morbid Angel is legendary. That’s all I really need to say, because if you are unaware of Morbid Angel’s contributions to metal music, you need to get off this site pronto. Everything said here is going to fly right over your dreadlocked, facepaint-covered head. I would suggest you either look into Altars of Madness right now, or commit suicide. We don’t take kindly to falsies ‘round here.
Which is precisely why we here at That’s Not Metal have awarded Morbid Angel’s Illud Divinum Insanus the title of “Most disappointing crock of shit this decade.”
I’ll just cut right to it. The album starts off with Morbid Angel’s best impression of Dimmu
Borgir in the form of “Omni Potens.” Two and a half minutes of boring, pretentious synth in a cheesy structure more fitting of Nox Arcana than anything. They half-assedly try and remind us that we’re listening to what Trey Azagthoth and David Vincent created by throwing in a stupid sounding “ooooWAH!” over and over atop an overly echo-y snare hit. But hey, it’s just an intro right? Maybe the rest of the album won’t be as lame.

Wrong.

TOWER OF GOPAL

Is this supposed to be some kind of parody? I can't tell, because it's so much like the real thing.

This is The Best E-Mail I have ever Received

"(Accept German) I know you know this but I'm trying to be clever and just had to be sure."
Ted Nugent/Viking/Dave, you and I are square as Tienaman.

"Theodore Nugent" to Brenocide:

Hey Bro- I found your site by accident and it was love at first bite.
I am 47 and Sabbath was my first taste. All through the many long years music was a love interest and only hard hitting shit tripped my trigger.

The usual bands such as Sabbath, Deep Purple, Free and Status Quo gave me my first "hard" boner.
But many of the pioneers of true metal were yet to be discovered such as Atomic Rooster, Stone Garden, Budgie, Sir Lord Baltimore and so on...

Thin Lizzy was incredible then Judas Priest preached me a metal sermon I won't soon forget.
After hearing their words of truth only then did I "Accept" metal as my saviour from the daily grind.
(Accept German) I know you know this but I'm trying to be clever and just had to be sure.