Friday, June 3, 2011

This is The Best E-Mail I have ever Received

"(Accept German) I know you know this but I'm trying to be clever and just had to be sure."
Ted Nugent/Viking/Dave, you and I are square as Tienaman.

"Theodore Nugent" to Brenocide:

Hey Bro- I found your site by accident and it was love at first bite.
I am 47 and Sabbath was my first taste. All through the many long years music was a love interest and only hard hitting shit tripped my trigger.

The usual bands such as Sabbath, Deep Purple, Free and Status Quo gave me my first "hard" boner.
But many of the pioneers of true metal were yet to be discovered such as Atomic Rooster, Stone Garden, Budgie, Sir Lord Baltimore and so on...

Thin Lizzy was incredible then Judas Priest preached me a metal sermon I won't soon forget.
After hearing their words of truth only then did I "Accept" metal as my saviour from the daily grind.
(Accept German) I know you know this but I'm trying to be clever and just had to be sure.

I missed a lot of the 90's metal as I was working and relied on my old stuff like More/Warhead, Motorhead, Saxon, Maiden etc to get me through.

But I came here to bitch. I only skimmed your site but laughed at all the stuff posted there.
Not many times in this modern world do I agree so completely with someone.

I have tried to judge people by the music they make not their looks but when I see a douche-bag with dredlocks trying to play metal then my blood boils and the true killer comes out and I want to beat the asshole to death with his tribal art-cloaked guitar.

When KISS came out in the 70's I was blasting Master Of Reality.
When I see these demonic jesters from Norway with nine inch nails on their boots and corpse paint I again want to impale them on their own spikes.

Yeah yeah yeah, we get it, you are a big fan of Lucifer, your nick is Beelzebub and you sport an upside down cross tattoo on your dork.

So many bands try way too hard to create an image that the metal has bled out of their punk-ass emo carcass... and many go home and spank it to Def Leppard.

As an old man I have seen so many come and go but true metal will always live on.
Sorry I apologize for what I am about to say. I was at a pub one night and a kind of cool song came on and i asked my buddy who it was. It was Papa Roach. 
Went home,checked'em out on YouTube and when I saw that used tampon singer with his black nails I had to take a shower with bleach to get the stench of myself.

Slipknot, do I really need to elaborate? Oh but the drummer is so awesome! Fuck that mattress stain and all his queer band mates. How many douche bags in Halloween masks does it take to form a band? (notice I did not use "metal" in that statement)

Some say they mellow with age, not this old man, give me Insomnium, Opeth or Kalmah any day.
I never really did the whole black band t-shirt thing, hell I even wear a watch but I don't need it to tell what time it is in the metal world.

Always get a kick out of guys my age or younger try to be hip and ask "Who would win the fight between Lemmy and God?"
Go home and drink some Drano jack hole.

One last rant/bitch. The next time I hear some grievous canker try to explain that some band is Grindcore as opposed to Blackened what-not I am going on a three-state killing spree.
The whole genre thing definitely gets my Bondage "Goat" Zombie. (are you fucking kidding me?)
Belphegor, what a group of imbeciles.

Well I have said too much already. Thanks for being out there and making people aware of what complete and utter assholes they are when they try to be metal.

And just for the record, my e-mail name is Ted Nugent but as a joke and the "Viking" thing is because of a nick my buddies gave me many years ago.




  1. A man after my own heart. I myself am 41 and while I disagree on some points this is pretty much spot on. Nice to see people even older then me are digging stuff like Insomnium and Opeth. Sometimes I feel like I'm the oldest guy on the planet still trying to keep up with the times. On a sidenote I'd like to apologize for Papa roach. I didn't cause their formation but they are the only thing to come out of my local area that made a name for themselves. Pretty rough.

  2. Ted Nugent/Viking/Dave, You are a legend.

  3. Basically, he kinda blows my mind, but I'm also very confused after reading this. Oh well, those are literally three of my top ten favorite bands. Rock on, Viking Dave.

  4. This guy should write in this blog.

  5. Jimmy_Sabbath6/03/2011 9:38 PM

    That's not even a fair fight...

    I mean, we all know Lemmy IS a God, so I think comparing him to another of his kind is just kind of retarded.

    Awesome message, though.

  6. Atomic Rooster is the shit! Seriously metal before its time.

  7. Por Que no Taco6/04/2011 2:20 PM

    lol what

  8. Terrance Hobbs and his dreadlocks are acceptable in metal.

  9. It's great to see the message isn't lost on all of our readers. This just proves to me, though, that everyone born in the 90's onward just have no ability to comprehend and articulate a rational thought.

  10. I'm a youngun metalhead (b. 1991). Truly wise elder metalheads such as this man are my inspiration.

    Hopefully by following closely the path of true metal I shall reach the level of enlightenment this man and other metal gods have attained. But of course, in the spirit of metal, I AM ALREADY A GOD.

  11. "Some say they mellow with age, not this old man, give me Insomnium, Opeth or Kalmah any day"

    So...are those bands supposed to not be mellow?

    Seriously, what's more mellow than melodeath?(getmypunhurdurhurdurhur)

  12. About inverted crosses, has the word spread on that already? I remember seeing somewhere that some Pope wanted to be buried upside down because he was "unworthy" or the lord or something like that, so inverted crosses are actually holier than regular ones...........Also i think i just came after the old dude said he listens to Insomnium.


All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.