Tuesday, June 21, 2011
YOU DUDES READY TO THRASH AT EPICENTER?!
A while ago I got a strange phone call where a person was making a list of all the bands I personally think suck the pope's anal beads. I thought nothing of it, until days later I came across this poster. Apparently they were putting together a festival of the worst music ever written, and wanted my expert opinion.
It's like they took rock radio's entire playlist and included Asking Alexandria just to add insult to injury. Limp Bizkit? Staind? Buckcherry? Puddle of Mudd? Papa Roach? Do people actually still listen to these bands today and don't feel humiliated about liking them 10+ years ago when they were actually musically relevant? I like how Five Finger Death Punch gets top billing as well, considering they are inarguably a modern day carbon copy of all the butt rock bullshit bands featured at this fucking show. I'm sure the parking lot will be full of pickup trucks, and the crowd will be a bunch of awkward 30-somethings wearing sunglasses, Orange County Chopper Shirts you can't even find anymore, and American Flag/Confederate Flag/Skull bandannas. They'll probably be smoking Mavericks. Your cigarettes taste like fucking raisins, and your taste in music is even worse. That's just one type of creature that finds this music palpable, mind you. Let's not forget autistic fat kids that wear circle-framed glasses and relate to the lyrics of Breaking Benjamin, and blonde, lip-glossed, drunken cougars showing off their leathery-skinned cleavage in shirts nowhere near appropriate for their age.
I would love to go this show just to see how many stupid people you can actually fit in one place. More bands to be announced? Oh that's good. I wonder where Korn and Crazy Train were in all of this.