Awful Metal Video: Trivium - In Waves

It's a mountain that floats, dude. Why not?

Do you know what I thought to myself? I had quite the whiskey-powered epiphany. I figured that "hey, it's getting pretty late, maybe some of my readers might have to be up bright and early tomorrow for their Saturday shifts, doing nothing important at a dead end job that doesn't matter. Maybe they're having trouble sleeping right now?"

Fear not, fellow insomniacs. Although you typically remain wide-eyed throughout the blackened void of all your nights, fueled with Monster energy and the daydreams of what your signature guitar would look like if ESP designed it, (EX model with skull inlays? You classy mother fucker!) you'll be happy to know that deep sleep is only several minutes away. Awful Metal Video presents to you: Trivium's latest single, In Waves. Unleashed upon the internets just today, it is hands down the most boring fucking video anyone could ever watch. 

Should I keep writing? Are you still awake?

Water. Trivium members underwater.  Stern faces. Chick in the woods. Walking in the woods with stern faces. Matt Heafy's fucking scarf, Jesus. Trivium members emerging from underwater. To be continued. Wait, "to be continued"? Is there more of this shit to be had? Does Trivium have some sweet party waiting for them up on top of that floating mountain that rages harder than that of which we have seen in the music video for Anthem? I bet they filmed the "water emerging" scenes in that same fucking swimming pool they partied in for Anthem. You never know. Is that floating rock where all the other creepy forest chicks hang out to get drunk and hook up? That must be the mission here. Try as I might, I don't think I get this video. It's probably about being a young man overcoming hardships, or whatever the hell music for 16-year-olds is all about. Maybe I don't get it because I'm not cultural enough to appreciate gay art videos like this stupid bullshit and I don't eat sushi with chopsticks while looking around desperately to see if anyone notices how sophisticated I am.

Not to mention this song blows butt chowder. This sounds like one of those filler songs on an album that you skip over hastily to get to the tracks that matter. Except this is the single. This is what Trivium wants you to expect from their new album. Super. This sounds like Heafy wrote this riff while taking a shit. I imagine he had a pen and paper while taking a dump break during the creative process, and hastily scribbled some guitar tabs he just thought of because they needed one more song to consider their album complete, and he had a "I gotta finish this album and finish my bowel movement, fuck it" attitude about the whole situation. That's what this sounds like. Yes, it does. 


"Usually I like Trivium, but this song is...!" Shut your retarded suck fucking face, don't you dare god damn say it like you think it's okay. What are you, a sophomore in high school? Do you sit at a little half desk that lifts open when you get up? Does your mom buy your jeans? What's the matter with you? If you still change for gym class every other day, don't come on here and tell me anything about your opinion of music. You don't even have one yet. If you already graduated and still think Trivium is good, then you're one of those people that never really graduated. Fucking sad, man. Just tragic. Grow up and listen to Krokus. Even if you are 15, still do that right now. I watched the video again, and now I'm definitely down for the count. Good night everyone.