Thursday, January 27, 2011

Mandatory Babes on Keyboard


I found inspiration for today's TNM Violation in some semi-recent news blowing up the metal blogosphere: Lightning has seemingly struck twice, as yet another piece of Winds of Plague eye candy, Alana Potocnik to be precise, is currently at the ass end of a leaked nude pic scandal of her very own. Before, in 2008, her WOP predecessor, Kristen Randall had her small, perky breasts immortalized in the hard drives of young men across the globe, with mirror shots taken of them for all to see. If your raging hormones beckon you to lay your horny eyes upon Ms. Potocnik or Randall in the buff, follow the links within the link.

Many seem bewildered that such a thing could happen to the same band twice. Just as George Santayana said, "Those who cannot learn from history, are doomed to repeat it." Smart bastard. Although some are going as far as to say that this is no more than a Winds of Plague publicity stunt, but let's be real here...

The Winds of Plague gimmick has made itself painfully obvious some time ago: Of the six keyboardists they have had total, the last three were beautiful, young women. After Randall left the band, they immediately approached Lisa Marx. After Marx, they moved onto former Breathing Process and Abigail Williams keyboardist, Alana Potocnik. Clearly WOP has the business sense to realize that sultry magazine spreads are their one-way ticket on a gravy train to exposure. Being so musically underwhelming, they need all the help they can get... So they recruit the assistance of these pretty girls with their edgy, alternative style: hair dyed black, skin covered in bad ink, ears and faces glowing from the sharp steel that pierce them every which way. Randall and Potocnik are what we commonly refer to as "scene chicks". Both of these girls taking nude shots of themselves was not some stunt that the members of WOP cooked up for exposure. Scene chicks have low self esteem and are natural sluts for attention, shamelessly pining for recognition at the cost of their own dignity. Nude pics in the mirror is just something that they do. 

The hot chick playing keyboard has been a distinctive trait of bad metal acts since Bleeding Through hit the scene in 2003ish. Marta Peterson looked damn good on the cover of Revolver magazine, and blooming projects immediately saw this as the perfect way to sell their band. Soon, a variety of metalcorists began scrambling to find the one cute goth chick that took piano lessons. Potocnik's two bands prior to WOP are perfect examples of this phenomena. I may not have much against Arizona black metal outfit, Abigail Williams from a musical standpoint, but playing keys for AW is a peculiarly female-only gig. Of their three former keyboardists (one of which, oddly enough being Kristen Randall) all of them were young ladies that were nice to look at. You can't tell me this kind of shit isn't on purpose.

Funny... your sister made a face just like this last time I saw her. 

When held up to the wailing of electric guitar, the quaking rumble of bass, and the earth-shattering blasts of the drum kit's beat, the keyboard seems like a much daintier instrument in comparison. One could say its perfect for the soft hands of the fairer sex; no blistered hands or calloused fingers required. Also, as anyone who often dicks around a music store can tell you, making cool ambient noises on a synthesizer without very much practice is fairly simple. If you put a Roland in front of me, I'm practically my own black metal band. I'm not saying that playing keyboard well isn't difficult, that there aren't incredible keyboard players out there male and female, or that it's a girly instrument overall. I'm just making the point that it's easy to find a hot chick with mild musical capabilities to stand on stage and look pretty for your show in this regard. Honestly, I think a stripper pole would be a lot less expensive (and more entertaining) than a full-sized Yamaha workstation and an amplifier, but that's just me. 

What the metal world needs more of are women who can blast beat, speed-pick and shred with the rest and the best of our metal masters. I honestly feel that there aren't enough women in heavy metal with a role outside of just being easy on the eyes and helpful to the band's pockets. Does a young girl truly have no worth in the metal genre outside of her sex appeal? 

Until Revolver stops being published, probably not. 


  1. well just to make it less bad abigail williams the front man guy sounds like a girl screaming while bleeding from the throat. and i thought sammius the drummer was a chick the first time i saw him. but any ways the vocals suck samius is amazing at drums check out his cover of symbolism by decrepit birth.


    I just wish more women were like her.

  3. Gorod's drummer is female. She kicks ass

  4. fferyllt has (had) a pretty good combo of a female singer and male singer

  5. Ana Haemorrhage. Attractive and badass. Shes fucking talented.

  6. How about Som of Cerebral Bore? She's brutal and a girl.

    1. Som quit. But she was amazing.


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