Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Wintersun "Time" Delays make Contemplating Suicide a Chore



Every time I come close to finally ending it all, I have to remind myself that I haven't had a chance to listen to Wintersun's long-anticipated sophomore release, "Time" yet, and it completely spoils my plans to put a much needed conclusion to my pitiful, meaningless existence once and for all. 

Come on Jari Maenpaa, are you telling me that you don't know a single guy in all of Finland who has a sweet enough Dell to mix the tracks you've been sitting on for years and finally get this thing released? When am I finally going to be able to kill myself without regret? I realize what it's like to have no one who really cares, but just how incredible is this masterpiece you've concocted? Does it really require a fully equipped, 64-bit, eight core processor, power horse PC, that has more Gigabytes of RAM than there is hard drive space, just to put your tracks together? Have you cooked up fast-paced riffs and guitar solos so savage, that circuit boards melt and set ablaze from merely attempting to comprehend your musical glory in digital format? Is my iPod even going to be able to play these songs?

How do you expect me to be able to break the binds of this insufferable mortal coil, without hearing a musical masterpiece so technical, so intricate, so profound that it has caused you half a decade of setbacks, misery, technical difficulties and loss of funds? You won't even give us so much as a solid release date, which would at least allow me to make arrangements to have the album played in its entirety when they bury me at my funeral. I thought maybe after listening to the lyrics of your first album, that you might have been able to understand my pain Jari, and the pain of your many fans just like me. I guess I couldn't have been more wrong, further proving how I am just stupid and worthless.

I saw your announcement last November, and was once again, let down by your vague comments and teasing words. I've been let down a lot in life. I suppose death's sweet release will dance mockingly around my grasp yet again, as I have to wait until you play some shows this summer in a country I can't afford to visit, in order for your label to provide you with the nuclear power required to run a PC capable of mixing your tracks together. This will only extend my agony, as you will have to delay finishing your album once again to focus on these upcoming gigs. The vicious cycle continues, and my empty, black heart must continue to beat begrudgingly.  

Axl Rose got over himself long enough to finish Chinese Democracy. I'm even going to get to play Duke Nukem Forever in May. I'll be smiling when I play it too, even though it'll all be sham. I don't think I'll ever truly be happy until I hear your stupid album.

Or I'll just never be happy...

1 comment:

All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.