Using a Guitar as a Skank Accessory

A "Gio" Ibanez is really cheap. That makes two of them.

I definitely had a lot more fun writing this particular post than any of the other ones I have prepared thus far. Mainly due in part that the majority of the photographs I came across pertaining to today's subject matter were delightfully NSFW. I love the internet sometimes. But not all the time. Usually because the internet is chock full of pseudo-artistic females with a tendency to abuse Photoshop's filter gallery, and also the half-naked bi-products of inferior parenting who shamelessly pine for inappropriate male attention. If one however, were to combine the worst of both these groups, the result would be a scantily-clad girl suggestively holding a musical instrument. This is a clever way for many of these young women to translate to the world that they are "hip, edgy, artistic" and also "kind of a slut."

Babes holding guitars is by no means a fresh concept. Just ask Guitar World magazine. Much like babes with hot rods, babes with motorcycles, or even babes with guns, there has always been something tantalizing about a gorgeous woman getting her hands and body all over a piece of equipment that you would regularly use. Not to mention the not-so-subtle imagery of her dainty fingers firmly stroking the guitar's neck and her pink tongue curling around the tip of the guitar's head. Yowza. The big difference between Guitar World magazine and Facebook however, is that Guitar World hires paid models to seductively cling their expensive instruments in photograph. You are not a model. You are an average or under-average chick with a Squier that you keep in your room as a decoration.

She got a bass because she was told it would be easy. That makes two of them.

Don't get me wrong. The last place I want to be is on a side that opposes the act of women removing their clothing. The musician in me however, can't help himself. God forbid I strongly feel that a guitar is meant to be played. It is not a fashion statement. It is not an accessory. No matter how cheap or basic, an electric guitar is a tool to rock with. I hard press anyone to find an amplifier in the bedroom of any of these floozies. (If you actually do find yourself in one of their bedrooms, then high-five.) Unless of course the amp came in the box she bought the guitar in. In fact, if you asked her if she knew any "chords", she would probably start digging through that box to see if she could find the one that plugs into her amp.  

It is safe to say that I am fiercely skeptical of any of these fine ladies' guitar playing capabilities. I'm not claiming that women can't play guitar well, (as tempted as I am to say that outright to offend). I'm just saying that the ones who are serious about it don't spend their time posing with an instrument to turn on anonymous creeps on Myspace. Probably the biggest piece of evidence supporting my theory of their inabilities, is that almost every guitar you see in these kinds of photographs are the cheap, shitty ones. Squier seems to be pretty popular, as well as budget Chinese-made Jacksons, BC. Riches, Epiphones, etc. We're talking a $100-150 guitar here, at the most. Somebody who is serious about playing has developed an ear for guitar quality, and typically has saved up their pennies for something at least a bit more substantial. The second biggest piece of evidence would be that in the pictures where they are kind of pretending to play, they're always doing something wrong, whether it be the lay out of their fingers or the angle from which they strum the guitar. There is nothing less sexy to me than a woman with something in her hands that she doesn't know what to do with. It says a lot.

"DINK DINK DINK".  FAIL.

I honestly feel that a woman who can play a guitar and play it well is in a dozen ways far more sexy and attractive than some naked skank rubbing suggestively against her ex boyfriend's cheap axe. And I love naked skanks. 

If you're a woman who can actually play guitar, or if you want to make mention of any famous female shredders, let me know in the comments below! Any mention of "Kittie" and you've lost the game.