Awful Metal Video of the Week: Slayer - "World Painted Blood"

Say what you want about the 2006 album Christ Illusion, or the song itself, but the music video for Slayer's "Eyes of the Insane" was awesome. A definite gem among the mundane "watch us headbang and play cool looking instruments" music videos that plague the metal genre. It gives me chills every time I watch it from start to finish.

So when I learned of there being a music video for "World Painted Blood" off of Slayer's semi-sort of-return-to-form album of the same name, it's fair to say that my expectations were a little high. Much, much, much higher, than this animated travesty... certainly...

I love those episodes of South Park where instead of doing an artistic rendition of a famous person or celebrity, they just take a photograph of that person's face, and crudely make the mouth move to obnoxious dialogue. That's what we're seeing here with bassist and frontman, Tom Araya. Matt Stone and Trey Parker do it in South Park because they know it looks funny. I don't really know what they're trying to do with the same concept in a Slayer video...

"Give me back my MONEY!!"

So unlike the "check out my guitar and my t-shirt" music videos, there's a story behind this one:

The host of Unsolved Mysteries is hanging out inside a run down building in wartorn Baghdad, where he shows some businessmen his idea to cover earth in a big pentagram. They love it. The band members of Slayer are practicing without amplifier assistance while submerged in blood. Kerry King and Jeff Hanneman jerk off the necks of their signature guitars, while Dave Lombardo tries to look as unbrutal as possible in his backwards baseball cap in the background. Apparently his lack of motivation goes so far as to not even bother to get ready for a cartoon. 

Suddenly, the brick-wall garage door in the building opens, and out come several giant robot tanks that have giant, black windshields, as well as robotic teeth-like grills that I will soon learn serve no purpose whatsoever. The tanks then proceed to run over the only two guys in all of Baghdad, who just so happen to be white, and identical twins. It's only two people, but it's enough blood and gore for the tanks to draw a giant, evenly distributed blood pentagram at least a mile in diameter. Robert Stack then uses his magical satanic pentagram eye powers to summon a giant robot skull spider from the depths of hell, that uses the robot tanks as feet. 

The giant robot skull spider's mission? Jump on and blow up the building Robert Stack and the shadowy businessmen are residing in. (It's safe to say he lost that account.) Due to the animator's extreme misinformation, he assumes that with that many dead people, there is now enough blood to engulf the entire planet, and the building's crater turns into a blood geyser that does exactly that. Definitely a mystery that is unsolvable. The world is now painted in blood. Imagine that...

End of video.