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| NOT COOL CAROL. NOT COOL. |
Great, now the neck is all stretched out. I'm going to have to make up some story about how some guy grabbed it in a mosh pit so I don't look like a tool in front of my friends. How many times do I have to tell you not to wear my band shirts to bed anymore? These aren't pajamas, Carol, these are uniforms! This is complete horseshit, Carol. I'm not going to stand for it anymore.
No, they aren't just my old rags, these shirts tell a story to everyone about where I've been and what kind of person I am. They are my badges of honor, Carol. I got this t-shirt at Ozzfest in 2004. They charged me $45 for the long sleeve and now look at it, just look at it. It's ruined now. I can't wear this thing anymore! Do you know how many more Ozzfest 2004s they're going to have again, Carol? Zero. There will never be another Ozzfest 2004. That was such a sweet ass lineup too. I saw Slayer, Judas Priest and Black Sabbath all on the same stage. Black Sabbath, CAROL! It was the coolest day of my life. Now, that memory is ruined. Ruined, just like this shirt. I'm never going to get it back. All because you wanna go to bed all comfy-cozy in the first piece of cotton you put your grubby mitts on. Don't you walk away from me!
Well if you like them so much, name one song by them... Okay, name one song besides "Raining Blood", genius... Yeah, didn't think so. This is almost as bad as the time you cut the arms and neck off of my Maiden shirt. Real original, Miley Cyrus. I bet all the other fashionistas at Forever XXI were just blown away with how ironic you looked.
No Carol, it's not just a "god damn t-shirt" and no, I'm not going to "get over it". This is more than that! This is about your disrespect for my personal property! Oh, here we go again. We're not getting into that again, just stick to the subject! It's always got to be so dramatic with you. Look, all I'm saying is that my Kreator shirt wasn't in the closet this morning, and I had nothing clean to wear when I had to go visit my parents. That's all I'm saying. Just you wear your clothes and I'll wear mine. I don't know why that's such a difficult concept to grasp.
Oh, Jordan let you sleep in his hockey jerseys, huh? Now it all comes together! Well good for Jordan. Why don't you send him another text message about how much you miss him and his giant retard sports gear? Who the hell else would you be texting at 12:30 at night Carol? How stupid do you think I am?! Why don't you go over to Jordan's, make a big hockey jersey fort with him, then crawl into it together and dry hump each other in the face?
No, Carol. Carol... don't do that. Carol... don't... look, hey come on hey, I'm sorry... Carol...
Look, hey look I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry just don't... look it's fine okay? I'm not that mad it's not that big a deal. Come on, I don't hate you Carol, you know that's not... seriously, you know I love you I just...
Carol, where are you going...? Carol?
God damn it.
aw :( I like to wear my boyfriends t-shirt to bed. It smells like him, which is comforting being that I can't see him but once every 3-6 months. He has no problem with it. =/ However, I'm also not the type of girlfriend that decides to cut of the arms...it is the boyfriends shirt, not mine. So I have no business altering it in any way, shape or form. So that part is understandable.
ReplyDeleteDon't wear his band shirt. Each shirt acquired from a merch table tells a story and that is irreplaceable. Even if he has 10 shirts of the same band, if he got them at 10 different shows that's like being shot 10 times in combat and earning 10 Purple Hearts.
ReplyDeleteman this really doesn't apply to many metal heads we are all single for a reason. I guess this in a way shows one of the many reasons why we are. I mean if a girl even talks to you then that is amazing. Seeing as if you are a metalhead then most likely, you smell, you wear "carol's favorite bed wear," a man sized metal band t shirt. this is interesting the duality of this article.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't be able to write this article from such a point of view if I was single. That is the attitude of a failure... Women will NEVER talk to you. It is your job to go talk to them. That's what they're waiting for.
ReplyDeleteHe offered his shirt to me though. Does that count? I don't cut off the sleeves and arms though, and sleeping in it was also something he didn't mind.
ReplyDeleteKelleyann
That is different. He bestowed his badge upon you, you didn't take it and defame it because you thought it was no big deal.
ReplyDeletehe's not a true fucking metal-head.....he is whipped, a shell of his former self, shoot him now before he starts wearing tailored shirts...
ReplyDeleteI enjoy the fact that you reserve Kreator for visiting the rents.
ReplyDeleteMaybe if more girlfriends were metalheads like they should be, they'd have their own metal shirts to curl up in.
Sam: Yeah, I guess that is pretty silly. Kreator shirts are definitely reserved for date nights.
ReplyDeleteSam, that is an excellent point... if you can find a metalhead girlfriend. Even still, they should wear their Bright Eyes and Jack Johnson shirts to bed, leave our shit alone.
ReplyDeleteTy, I am almost positive that Sam is a young lady herself.
ReplyDeleteSo what, my point wasn't made to look for a girlfriend, but expanding further upon the thought. You is general in that last comment.
ReplyDeleteLove! I LOL'd
ReplyDeleteI just realized that the ex's name is Jordan. Lol. Jordan.
ReplyDeleteMy last girl wouldn't even let me mention Slayer without going on about "Slayer is just noise" and exclaiming "DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE INSULT BMTH!" At least my shit isn't cut up though.
ReplyDeleteWe don't talk anymore...
@Greg and I think it's very stupid that you had to ruin your relation or at least friendship with this girl only because you 2 didn't like the same bands. What were your final words to her? I love you, but your music taste sucks?
ReplyDeleteI would agree with you...but chicks wearing nothing but a band T-shirt are hot. I will gladly bestow that badge upon her as long as she wears that, and nothing else. But cutting up my shirts without permission? Inexcusable.
ReplyDeleteI gave my girlfriend some shirts I don't really wear anymore and would've either sold or given away, and she has a fetish for my scent, as a certain anonymous does her own manbeast. I could care less if she digs the bands as much as I do, she just loves my stank, and occasionally she does enjoy the bands. It also helps that they're shirts I got at Hot Topic or Newbury Comics, places that shell out random licensed shirts that usually suck. Online or concert merch all the way
ReplyDeleteWow. Little upset huh? Well if its not vintage from the peek of the band's career, it is just a shirt. Besides, chicks love wearing their man's shirts to bed, especially if its worn out from bf/hubby wearing it a lot. Now if it were say MY 1979 Pink Floyd "The Wall" I'd kill someone. ♥
ReplyDeleteMan, you are comic gold. Seriously, good writing.
ReplyDeleteSam said...
ReplyDeleteMaybe if more girlfriends were metalheads like they should be, they'd have their own metal shirts to curl up in.
This! Questionable behavior, she should have her own shirts! Smells like a poser........my way of solving it is by not having a metal gf.
Funny article,love the humor and how people take it seriously haha.
ReplyDeleteYa know,my ex used to sleep with my King Diamond shirt and it was cool.She was into metal anyway so it was all good.Plus,its hot.
Haters gonna hate.
what if HE wears your size medium Candlemass t-shirt and turns it into a size XL?is that metal or what?-,-''
ReplyDeleteI am a girl and I'm wearing my Death shirt as I stumble upon this article, lululull.
ReplyDeleteMy ancient bullet belt ripped and faded Burzum shirt does fine for my fiancé. I don't think she could rip it any more than it already is.
ReplyDelete