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| NOT COOL CAROL. NOT COOL. |
Great, now the neck is all stretched out. I'm going to have to make up some story about how some guy grabbed it in a mosh pit so I don't look like a tool in front of my friends. How many times do I have to tell you not to wear my band shirts to bed anymore? These aren't pajamas, Carol, these are uniforms! This is complete horseshit, Carol. I'm not going to stand for it anymore.
No, they aren't just my old rags, these shirts tell a story to everyone about where I've been and what kind of person I am. They are my badges of honor, Carol. I got this t-shirt at Ozzfest in 2004. They charged me $45 for the long sleeve and now look at it, just look at it. It's ruined now. I can't wear this thing anymore! Do you know how many more Ozzfest 2004s they're going to have again, Carol? Zero. There will never be another Ozzfest 2004. That was such a sweet ass lineup too. I saw Slayer, Judas Priest and Black Sabbath all on the same stage. Black Sabbath, CAROL! It was the coolest day of my life. Now, that memory is ruined. Ruined, just like this shirt. I'm never going to get it back. All because you wanna go to bed all comfy-cozy in the first piece of cotton you put your grubby mitts on. Don't you walk away from me!
Well if you like them so much, name one song by them... Okay, name one song besides "Raining Blood", genius... Yeah, didn't think so. This is almost as bad as the time you cut the arms and neck off of my Maiden shirt. Real original, Miley Cyrus. I bet all the other fashionistas at Forever XXI were just blown away with how ironic you looked.
No Carol, it's not just a "god damn t-shirt" and no, I'm not going to "get over it". This is more than that! This is about your disrespect for my personal property! Oh, here we go again. We're not getting into that again, just stick to the subject! It's always got to be so dramatic with you. Look, all I'm saying is that my Kreator shirt wasn't in the closet this morning, and I had nothing clean to wear when I had to go visit my parents. That's all I'm saying. Just you wear your clothes and I'll wear mine. I don't know why that's such a difficult concept to grasp.
Oh, Jordan let you sleep in his hockey jerseys, huh? Now it all comes together! Well good for Jordan. Why don't you send him another text message about how much you miss him and his giant retard sports gear? Who the hell else would you be texting at 12:30 at night Carol? How stupid do you think I am?! Why don't you go over to Jordan's, make a big hockey jersey fort with him, then crawl into it together and dry hump each other in the face?
No, Carol. Carol... don't do that. Carol... don't... look, hey come on hey, I'm sorry... Carol...
Look, hey look I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry just don't... look it's fine okay? I'm not that mad it's not that big a deal. Come on, I don't hate you Carol, you know that's not... seriously, you know I love you I just...
Carol, where are you going...? Carol?
God damn it.
