Friday, January 14, 2011

Wearing ear plugs

Greetings fellow metalheads, another authority on all things metal has joined forces with the mighty Brenocide: Tyranneous. A tyrant with words, a wizard of the pen, a mighty beast of ideas; I, Tyranneous, hope to bestow useful knowledge to my fellow brethren so that we can create a more educated elite. Enjoy.

Not in my show, dumbass.
If there is one sight that irks me more than just about any other at a metal show, it is that of a fellow “metalhead” with pieces of orange foam stuck as far into his (it is always a he) ear canal as he can muster.
Typically, this “metalhead,” with his pube-like wiry hair, lanky physique, and hoodie walks uncomfortably around the venue, wetting his pull-up's (Mommy wow, he's a big boy now!) because he has no idea what to expect, this being his first show and all, and he heard from his best friend's older brother's dad that rock shows are loud.
Listen folks, your parents might tell you that your hearing is precious and to protect it because you never get it back, but leave that shit at the door of the show. Protecting your hearing is fine on the gun range, but losing your hearing is a battle wound that all of us metalheads are proud to display. Eventually, these “loud” shows become listenable because you lose those wimpy cells in the ear canal and you are left with pure, unadulterated metal cells. This my friends, is a fact.
There is an adage, “if it's too loud, you're too old:” learn it, love it, live by it; it is the first commandment of the metalhead way of life. Some jack off is blasting his hip hop next to you, well “Blow your speakers with rock and roll!” as the mighty Eric Adams belted and crush your enemy with your overwhelming metal-ness and ability to tolerate a volume of music that far surpasses anyone else. When Lemmy asks you if the music is loud enough, you say NO!

Got it?
If you are an up-and-coming metalhead – which you shall remain until you are capable of driving yourself to the show – proper ear protection should never cross your mind. We, your metal elders, embrace our deafness because it gives us the ability to drown out the noise of everyday life: your bullshit problems and that of the rest of the world (you because you have not been accepted into the community as above mentioned). We never think about tomorrow because it has yet to arrive and today is a show, where we can experience one of our favorite bands, and nothing satiates our hunger for metal than hearing it louder than loud.
Metal is an experience and nothing completes this experience more than the volume. When you come to our sacred ground wearing ear plugs, what you are telling us is that you really do not want to partake in this experience with us; you are telling us in a roundabout way that you are better than the rest of us and when it comes to a show, no pissant little dipshit is going to be better than us.
So, when daddy hands you a pair, grow a pair and tell him to shove it; you are a “metalhead.”


  1. iwanttigtig'speepee1/15/2011 1:28 PM

    yea parents are gay. that's way if you are a true metalhead then fucking kill them shits and get raped in the ear by dying fetus.

  2. So protecting my ears is not metal enough...
    Are you fucking retarded!!

    If you buy decent ear plugs it will just filter out frequencies that will damage your ears.

    Pretty much all people who work in metal own ear plugs.

    This blog is so stupid..
    Its funny because you say all this stuff is not metal but you still care about it if you didnt you wouldnt take the time to write about it.

    Why not write a blog about metal bands not just some hate speech about fashion.

    Fashion goes hand in hand with metal if you like it or not. You can listen to BMTH or Mayhem fashion will always be a part of metal.

    If you really care about metal music write a blog about music. By reading your blog you clearly care about the image more than the music.

  3. I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you because I was wearing ear plugs like a pussy.

  4. Sorry for hurting your feelings douche, you're still not metal for wearing those dumb ear gizmos. When I see you in the pit, with the other 99.99% of true metalheads, I'll be sure to hit you twice as hard. I'll know you because you'll be wearing the Tool hoodie.

  5. If I was going in a pit I wouldn't wear ear plugs! I work in a music venue and am around loud music most days. Making the statement your not metal if you want to protect yourself from damaging your hearing is moronic.

    Its all metal there isn't true or false metal.
    Its just metal.

  6. Are you a bouncer? You sound about as bright as one. One too many flailing crowd surfer feet to the head I assume? I have no other explanation for a statement like "Its all metal there isn't true or false metal its just metal". Have you ever even heard an Escape The Fate song? You wanna come onto my page and call that true metal? GTFO.

  7. To point number one: you contradict yourself. Why comment if you are not going into the pit? Make your intentions clear and stick to your points which is arguing 101.
    To point number two: this article and blog is dedicated to those going into the pit or attending a venue as the fan of music, which should be plainly obvious to anyone with the comprehension skills of one who has passed seventh grade. If you work at a venue you should wear ear plugs because you are there multiple times a week. You would not work at an airport without wearing ear protection, I would expect no less from one working around music. If that was your point in comment number one, had you said that, I would have responded that you are correct and would not have bothered to argue. However, you had to be the child and attack this site because you disagree with one tiny point of one tiny piece of the page.
    To point three: What? There is true metal. It is evident to all those who consider themselves fans of the genre for more than a year and not because they want to be "cool" or impress their "friends." Serious fans of country and rap would say the same about their music in much the same way, trying to separate themselves from the same crowd of people trying to be popular and who have adulterated their music.

    If you want to argue, argue like an adult and bring me points where I happen to be wrong (but I am not) and stick to them, supporting yourself with evidence (I will even accept anecdotal evidence unlike most college professors). Unlike most people, I enjoy an argument because I enjoy knowing the other side and learning. Who knows, maybe I am wrong and your compelling argument might enlighten me. However; you argue like a five-year-old who only knows that he happens to feel enraged with someone because he disagrees with a point. Unfortunately for you, I am not a five-year-old.

  8. I don't just disagree with this post the whole site is retarded!!

    According to this site:

    Ozzy isn't metal one of the pioneering metal bands aren't metal anymore?

    Wearing a shirt of the band your seeing isn't metal?

    Paying for music isn't metal?

    Hating Justin Beiber isn't metal?

    And if your skinny, wear glasses, wear baseball caps etc you are also not metal?

    Its just stupid. I guess Metallica & Judas Priest arn't metal ether?

    To be honest id rather me myself and listen to all types of metal, punk, hardcore than try be a cliche of metal

  9. Anon, just shut the fuck up and read the about page. I know you aren't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, but you can read single words, right?

  10. "Wearing a shirt of the band your seeing isn't metal?"

    This isn't just 'not metal' but it's totally inappropriate in ANY genre at ANY show. It's common sense. If you're at the show of a band you're going to see, the fans and the band KNOW you like them. It's douchey and unnecessarily presumptuous to wear the shirt of a band you're going to see live. End of story.

    P.S. Anon needs to sit in the corner and be smacked in the face with the satire/sarcasm encyclopedia until further notice. Then perhaps they can have the privilege of revisiting and possibly even enjoying the humor on this site. Lah lah lah! \m/

  11. My favorite part is when anon said "Its funny because you say all this stuff is not metal but you still care about it if you didnt you wouldnt take the time to write about it." If you make it past all the grammatical and spelling errors you can see the underlying secret message. By the transitive relation since anon is writing about you that means that anon cares about you. I think it is kind of adorable that anon wants to show you this much affection Brenocide.

  12. Working at a music venue is not metal.
    That's why the people who work at venue's are super faggot joy-killers. "Let's wear earplugs and stop you from crowd surfing and take away your weed and kick you out for having a good time." Yea that sounds real metal. I bet he feels really tough guarding the stage for Shinedown and Korn. Plus how would this asshole know if it's ok to wear a shirt of the band you're seeing because he has to wear the "STAFF" shirt at every concert he attends. If you aren't going to take the time to understand why Brenocide is right and you are wrong, then you are not metal, should not feel representative of what is metal, and you really shouldn't be allowed near this website. But, you are still allowed to listen to Atreyu, so breathe easy cocksucker.

  13. 4:52 says it all, old man.

  14. I love deicide great band, new album is great Servant Of The Enemy is my favorite track.

    I wouldn't really class Escape The Fate as metal at all more like a pop/rock band. Not to my taste really.

    I do work in a music venue and no i'm not a bouncer who likes KoRn, Tool, Shinedown & Escape The Fate. I like all types of music.

    I think you missed my point though.

    Of course people are going to label bands true metal:

    Napalm Death
    At The Gates
    Dark Tranquillity
    Morbid Angel

    I just personally consider more commercial bands metal as well and have a love for all types of metal/rock music.

    To sum up my point being "true metal" surely just consists of listening to metal and going to see metal bands play live.

    Doesn't matter how you look.
    Doesn't matter if your wearing the band your seeings shirt.
    Doesn't matter if you listen to Atreyu, KoRn & Shinedown or Deicide, Saxon & Decapitated.

    Its all metal music just support it.

  15. It's nice to see we got you talking like an adult. With that said, you can't blame anyone for missing your point. Every comment of yours has a completely different one. So let's review: First you tell me fashion is always going to be part of metal. Fine. In the same comment you tell me my blog is stupid, because I care so much about image. Contradict yourself much? Then you get on my case for things that have nothing to do with image: how I think Ozzy "aren't metal" anymore, hating on Justin Bieber, Metallica, paying for music, Judas Priest... so we've established I don't just care about image, since you yourself are bringing up offenses that have nothing to do with it. If you read the Judas Priest article, by the way, it's pretty obvious that I was kidding. Do you actually read the articles? Or do you just read the subject line and start mouthing off? I doubt you want to waste your precious time reading the things I wrote... you clearly have better things to do with your life, like come back here every day and defend yourself. Which leads me to my next question...

    Does it really matter so much to you that these things DON'T matter? Does it really scare you so much that the music you listen to, the clothes you wear, and the stuff you do might make you not metal to somebody, that you have to come on to my page and start a debate with me about it? Let's be real here. I'm just some asshole on the internet with an opinion. So are you, I'm just better at my opinion than you are. The difference between you and I is that I sit here on my own blog minding my own business, and write about what I think, or what I want to make fun. While you, came to this page of your own accord, got your feelings hurt, and now come back again and again and again and AGAIN, trying to knock me off my high horse. I appreciate all the page hits, but for what? Are you so worried that I'm right? Are you so worried that you're actually not metal because of what I say?

    Well here's the end of this discussion: YOU ARE NOT METAL. This isn't a joke, this isn't an opinion, this is an absolute fact. You are so uncomfortable with the idea that you might or might not be metal that you had to charge in and defend yourself every single day to change my mind about you and about everything else. That's what makes you not metal. Not the ear plugs, not the clothes, not the music. You yourself think that stuff doesn't matter, but everybody else's opinion of you DOES matter. If you have to prove your metal to people, or somebody's opinion of you not being metal gets you all hot and bothered, then you're not metal. I'm sorry, but we're done here. I've said my piece, and nothing you say or do is going to make you metal in my eyes, and if you walk around the rest of your life passing yourself off as metal, that's fine, go do that. But you and I will both know it's total bullshit.

    Walk on home boy.

  16. "Does it really matter so much to you that these things DON'T matter? Does it really scare you so much that the music you listen to, the clothes you wear, and the stuff you do might make you not metal to somebody"
    Like me you contradicted yourself,I'm not the one who spends hours writing a blog about what is true metal or not.

    "You are so uncomfortable with the idea that you might or might not be metal that you had to charge in and defend yourself every single day to change my mind"
    I keep coming back just because its interesting to see how upset people get over defending being metal or not. I personally don't want to be your opinion of "true metal" id rather be myself

  17. He has yet to

    "sit in the corner and be smacked in the face with the satire/sarcasm encyclopedia until further notice."

    But he seems to be trying REALLY hard. At what, I don't know.

    If he feels this deeply about his beliefs, why is he still hiding under the shadow of "anonymous"?

  18. I think anonymous missed the point of the Deicide video. At 4:52 the cheesy doofus host says he sat in on the band's practice session and wore earplugs. Get it now?????

  19. I tried out my new plugs at the last show, they reduce the sound by 20DB, hey i didn't care, metal is about doing what you want no? Listening to the music when you're old would be nice, so i tried them out but the music was too damn low! I put them away, maybe if they made some that only dial it down 10DB i will try them again, but the ones that are regular plugs make no sense at all. It's not the sound quality is that great at a live venue anyway, i have no problem protecting my hearing :P

  20. Whats so metal about earplugs?

  21. I'm ashamed to admit it: I wore earplugs to a Lightning Bolt show. The upside of this was that I could watch those guys play their instruments the way they do from just a few feet away without my skull caving in.

  22. My brother needs to wear earplugs because he is missing an eardrum in one ear and the other eardrum is deteriorating. I agree with the post, but in order for him to go to concerts to listen to the music he loves he has no choice but to look like a douche. Medical problems have a way of making someone un-metal I suppose.

  23. @Kabapoo If it's a medical problem that he had no control over, than it's okay. Birth defects and the like can't be helped. So your brother can still be metal.

    Unless of course he did that to himself.

  24. I disagree. Ear plugs are not only NOT "Not metal" but also incredibly vital to ones metalness.

    By wearing earplugs to shows I am ensuring that my ears will be able to enjoy metal across the whole band of frequencies untill I am dead (and for many years after I am dead. Fuck yeah). Yes you can let your hearing deteriorate untill it doesn't hurt anymore, but then you are missing out all but the bare essentials of frequencies needed to listen and identify music.

    Also, so many of the sound guys in small sized venues haven't a fuckening clue about mixing live music. So many gigs I've been to with Ear-plugs has been the only difference maker in 'Seeing the band I love and having a great time' and 'being unable to hear dick all'. It's not an issue of comfort, but sound quality.

    When you take these 2 things into account the evidence is clear. The guy with earplugs and the semi-deaf person are listening to the same thing. They both have identical levels of metal going into their ears, but earplug guy can hear more of it. He is more efficient at converting Metal to Aural enjoyment. Add on to this the fact he'll be able to keep on doing this for a lot longer, over his lifespan he will "intake" more metal than the person who goes deaf. Thus making earplugs METAL!

  25. Dear Thatsnotmetal,

    Ey dawgs, dis sites gay like shit.


  26. This is entertaining.

  27. I see your frontal lobe still needs some work. Hopefully you won't have lost a significant part of your hearing when you realize 1) you're wrong and 2) looking 'cool' shouldn't fucking matter. I usually wear earplugs when I go to a three feature for one of the bands but take them out when the band I like comes on, and then my ears don't ring the next couple of days. That's just fucking smart.

    Although I guess I'm dealing with a group that cares about different things than myself; ie, how metal something is. I guess I just don't give two shits and just like music.

  28. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. It's real smart to not where ear plugs at a metal concert and damage your ears...
      Is looking 'metal' more important than enjoying the band on stage?
      Fuck no.
      What happened to appreciating musicianship?
      A few years down the road, you'll realize that you've fucked up when you can't hear shit during a metal show.

      (I'm the drummer in a progressive metal band. All of us wear ear plugs during rehearsals. It would be awfully stupid to lose some hearing in my right ear from the constant bashing of a 16" Zildjian Oriental China.)


All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.