"Stop Letting The Music Industry Pick Your Music For You"... Unless That Music Industry is Pantera

I was judging everyone's white people problems on my Facebook newsfeed this morning when I stumbled upon the gem you see above, shared by some scrawny limbed chump in my "Friends" list from the Official Pantera Facebook page. Unfriended. Eat a wood screw salad you repugnant spermwad.

While it's pretty audacious for whomever is in charge of Pantera's page to post probably one of the most hypocritical things ever written since the U.S Constitution, I'm going to direct this to the greasy-haired internet schmuck who actually took the 14 minutes in Photoshop to create this thing; without utilizing a fraction of any of those minutes to consider how his statement makes absolutely 0 fucking sense to anyone. Anyone, of course, except for the 25,xxx people who "liked" this post at the time of this writing. That's right, 25,000+ Pantera Fans agree with an online statement of how "underground" Pantera is on a single post. Just sit and let that digest for a little while.

First, let's talk about the "music industry".  The music industry consists of all the companies and individuals that make money by creating and selling music. An excellent example of such a company is Atco, a record label owned by the Warner Music Group. Ringing any bells yet? Atco was the record label that released Vulgar Display of Power, inarguably Pantera's most widely popular and best selling album. After last year's re-release of the album, its total sales increased to 2,177,000 making Pantera a double-platinum act based off one record alone.

The 2012 rerelease of VDoP sold 9,000 copies in its first week. If those were all purchased on iTunes, that's $90,000 dollars generated by the name Pantera in just one week. Even more if you consider the price of buying it on CD at a store. If you're a reader of this site, you probably don't even see half of that sort of money in a goddamn year. I don't know why anyone would go through life without realizing that all the ex-members of the band Pantera without bullet holes in their faces are fucking rich.

Here are some satellite photos of Vinnie Paul Abbot's home.  These are only attainable by such means, as all unauthorized people on the premises are shot on site in an effort to protect Pantera's status as a group of DIY-underground bad asses:

In-ground pool sized to fit exactly one Vinnie Paul.

Pantera is such an undeniably mainstream act, it hurts my prostate. MTV, Vh1, FM radio, and magazines are (or were) all major cogs in the music industry machine, and have been giving Pantera more than a fair share of exposure and lauding for decades. The members enjoyed an impossible amount of fame and even impossibly fatter wallets because of it all. Serious money was made on Pantera. To think that Pantera and the music industry are parallel entities by any means is to not think at all. 

I understand the point you're trying to convey because I was in middle school once myself. Popular music acts get way more recognition than the "music that deserves it". It's true that Justin Bieber sold way more in his fart of a musical career than Pantera ever did or ever will in all the time they were active and not murdered. But that's because Bieber is way more widely accepted by a much broader audience with more money to spend on him and his Vanilla Ice haircut. It's like you're comparing Budweiser to Flying Dog IPA. Just because a lot more people enjoy and buy Budweiser doesn't mean that Flying Dog is a truer, grass roots, underground beer that defies all traditions of the beer industry. Millions of dollars are made selling that shit thanks to a niche of people who prefer it over the bigger name stuff. It's still money. It's still business. The scale is irrelevant. If you want to listen to good metal that wasn't made for money so you can make some ham-fisted point like the one you attempted, it's all over the place. Get Googling, dipshit. Bands like Pantera are the last place to look. 

Working on another big update. This one was just some random inspiration of the day. Now go out there and tell some Pantera fans they love pop music.

- Brenocide \,,/

Dear Carlos,

If he was anywhere near as metal as you for reading my blog, then this is how your bro would have have wanted it, Carlos.

Much love brother. Sorry for your loss.

- Brenocide \,,/

POSEUR MAIL SATURDAY: Time Travel Edition

I've been reading the blog comments on and off for some months now, and have managed to surmise that most of you, or all of you require some serious life/internet advice:

BEFORE COMMENTING ON ANYTHING, CHECK THE FUCKING DATE IT WAS POSTED. 

If I found out that I wrote a response to something that was written one, two, or even three years ago, I'd be fucking humiliated. I would feel like absolute human waste. I'd be crying in the shower in shame. I'd feel like fucking killing myself for being so inexcusably retarded. You know why? Because it's an accident. It's a goddamn mistake if you ever share your opinion on something someone else did YEARS ago. I wouldn't even touch an internet post or article that was getting up there in months. It's like if you were going to interview Mike Tyson and you asked about Holyfield's ear. Sorry, sports analogy... It's like if you interviewed Dave Mustaine about getting kicked out of... I dunno, the beard club. Get with the fucking program already. Get in the fucking loop.

R.I.P

I figured you were stupid enough for thinking Soilwork was a good band, but does it really go this far beyond that? It's gotten so bad, that if you disagree with me on this website, I just automatically assume you have a learning disability. You guys are time bandits. Time vampires. You're all a waste of my time and you seem to have no problem wasting your own time reading this shit and writing to me. So if you're so deeply involved in the process and progress of time, why not figure out what year it is? Twats.

The neighbors just got a new fridge and left the box on the side of the street. Not about to let perfectly good shelter go to waste, I have appropriated it for my own purposes. So let's all pile in to my cardboard imagination machine and travel through time together. Just don't try to grab my wang while you're in there, like the last guy who I got to agree to this.

Let's begin our journey, shall we? Let's set our first coordinates to DECEMBER 9th, 2010:

HOOOLY SHIIIIIIII--

John Laux of Warbringer Interviewed by THIS GUY:

Don't binge on grape drink, kids. That shit is carb-heavy. You'll end up falling asleep in it chin-first and then interviews with metal artists will never look the same.