Friday, January 1, 2016

The Thrash Corner: Winter Witches, How to Find Them and How to Kill Them

Welcome back to The Thrash Corner. With three weeks left on our countdown Alan brings you guidance on defeating a truly vile enemy, the winter witch.

Alan: These are the most evil beings in all of the north. They are relatively easy to find, but killing them is a whole other matter. They are found throughout the scummy bars of the Yukon; Lizards, The 98, The Casa Loma (also known as the wrinkle ranch) and so on. I have witnessed many good men and women sabotaged by their evil ways. They spike the drinks of their victims with moose tongue ointments and then proceed to swoop in on their unsuspecting prey. They then lead their brainwashed subjects to the shitters where their ice cold vaginas envelope their casualties. After a few minutes the ransack is complete and the victim is released from their evil grasp. However, they are not the same people ever again. They are soulless, heartless, cruel and cold.

To kill a winter witch, a witch hunter must be employed. Only a few remain and they do not work cheaply. This is a dangerous trade with a very high mortality rate. These spooks act as victims in the dank bars of the north. Once lead to the poop stall, the witches are tasered and chained to the toilet. From there they are decapitated using enchanted graphite hockey sticks.

Come back next week for zombies, a new song, and possibly a contest. Until next time, this was The Thrash Corner.

Happy New Year,

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