Tim "Ripper" Owens is getting back to what he does best: Cover Bands.

Hahaha! Holy shit.

Do any of you remember Tim "Ripper" Owens? No? Not even a little bit? Come on! The guy that replaced Rob Halford for... no? The guy that replaced Matt Barlow in... really? Nothing? Winter's Bane? Yngwie Malmsteen's Rising Force? Beyond Fear? Charred Walls of the Damned? You never knew this guy did any of that stuff? You never even saw the movie Rock Star he inspired? Wow.

Well anyway, Tim Owens more or less began his journey to "stardom" when he got a lucky break in a Judas Priest cover band. Back in 1996, all the members of Judas Priest thought it would be wicked funny to bring in some nobody cover band singer to replace Rob Halford. The rest is history... until Halford came back and everybody forgot what happened anyway, so I guess not really. Since then, Owens has been the bald-headed stepchild of power metal music; performing temporary stints in this or that, here or there, never really making a solid name for himself in a band he could permanently represent as his own. Every album he did with a band, were the albums that fans around the world advised one another to disregard altogether in said band's discography. Poor Ripper... 

Finally things have come in full circle for Owens, and he's back to doing the only thing he was born to do:

That's right, Ripper is now the frontman of a Dio cover band. Referred to simply as "Dio Disciples". Wow, really? You couldn't have picked a better name than that? Maybe used a famous Dio song or album, like Dream Evil? Oh, right... Anyway, I imagine it will be truly mediocre and short-lived musical endeavor, considering Owens' past. I'm saying this even regarding that former Dio musicians Craig Goldy, Simon Wright, and Scott Warren are lending themselves to the cause. It's almost like they're trying to still be Dio without Dio. Oh Ripper, are there any beloved vocalists who's lyrics you won't mangle with your apparently universally shunned style? You cheeky devil, you. 

"Deliver Us" from anymore awful In Flames music...

Spot the Violation.

Do you enjoy listening to Swedish metal group, In Flames? Even mildly? New rule: don't. "Melodic Death Metal" over my worm-infested corpse. I know butt metal when I hear it. In Flames is unbridled, bona fide butt metal.


Century Media Records, on their seemingly neverending quest to provide the world with increasingly terrible metal music, has just released a new single from In Flames, titled "Deliver Us", off of their upcoming 10th studio release, "Sounds of a Playground Fading". Thus putting In Flames in a strong running as world record holders for the gayest album title ever. The album has been set for several European release dates in mid to late June 2011, and is coming to the U.S on June 21st. I hope you are all very much looking forward to not listening to it. If you need further convincing beyond me just telling you not to, here you go: 




I have to hand it to In Flames. Despite the fact that the albums they've released over the last 10 years have all been unlistenable, they always manage to surprise me with how much more bad music they can consistently make. After all of those albums, and a genuine melodic death metal history, you figure they would let maybe one good death metal track slip once and a while. Nope. According to Blabbermouth.net, "Sounds of a Fading Playground" is also going to be the first album recorded by In Flames without founding guitarist Jesper Strömblad, who quit the band back in February 2010 after developing a serious alcohol addiction. Something obviously brought on by the feelings of shame and guilt that go along with playing in a band that makes such shitty music. I would drink a lot, too.


If you want to obtain a digital copy of "Deliver Us", the song will be available for download on iTunes and elsewhere in North America on May 10th. Just keep in mind that we won't be friends anymore.

Dying Fetus Releasing Cover Album of Other Death Metal Songs

According to Blabbermouth.net:

"DYING FETUS will release a limited-edition mini-LP this summer. Entitled "History Repeats…", it marks the band's 20th anniversary and sees the group covering tracks from artists who have influenced them (NAPALM DEATH, BOLT THROWER, CANNIBAL CORPSE, PESTILENCE). "History Repeats…" also includes a brand new DYING FETUS track exclusive to this release. The mini-LP is limited to 5,000 copies worldwide and set for a July 19 North American release through FYE stores and Relapse mailorder exclusively."


Wow, it's not like we're completely missing the point of a cover album here or anything. Here's several bands I can think of off the top of my head that have been covered by popular heavy metal acts: Jethro Tull, Queen, Blue Oyster Cult, Thin Lizzy, The Misfits, KISS, AC/DC. What do all these have in common? They're not metal bands. See, it makes sense to me when a metal band covers a song that isn't metal. Or at the very least, is by a metal band from a completely different genre. (i.e, Arch Enemy performing Iron Maiden's "Aces High".) You take a popular song that is of a completely different style than yours, and then perform it in your style. That, in and of itself, is the very value of performing a cover song. Otherwise, there's no point whatsoever.

This is a death metal band playing death metal songs. Way to fail it, Fetus.

News: Judas Priest Calling it Quits

Alright fellas, one more picture and I promise you can all go home and get back to sleep.

After a meager 40 years of rocking, the Metal Gods, Judas Priest, are turning their backs on millions of adoring fans. The sour news of Halford's, Tipton's, Downing's, Hill's and Travis' stunning lack of work ethic can be read about here:

Rolling Stone: Judas Priest Announce Farewell Tour

"After storming the world for nearly 40 years and taking their very special brand of heavy metal to all four corners of the planet, Judas Priest - one of the most influential heavy metal bands of all time, have announced this will be their final world tour", the band stated (probably lazily, while just sitting there) in a recent press release. "With all guns blazing and amps cranked to 11, the band will be giving all their fans one last chance to witness the ultimate metal experience that is Judas Priest."

Apparently all the millions Halford and gang have been earning from touring the world, selling albums, and changing lives, was all so that they could invest in their 401k. Like this is some kind of goddamn clerical government work they're doing. There's no freaking retirement plan here. Metal meltdown is for life. You can stop rocking for two reasons:

1. You're dead. Preferably from a motor vehicle accident or drug overdose. I hear that cancer is also very in these days.

2. You guys broke up. "Personal differences" is metal slang for "we got dangerously drunk and kicked each other's asses".

I guess we'll get to enjoy one more tour out of these guys. Hopefully they'll have the decency to stand up and move around during at least some of their performances. Yet with this kind of negative attitude, don't hold your breath.