Sunday, September 27, 2015

Review: Stonefromthesky - Orbital

Yep, looks like a one man band's cover art.

Stonefromthesky is  a one man band from Kiev, Ukraine. Strike one right out the gate is being a one man band. Usually the term implies "Pretentious Douche". The description the artist provides of himself doesn't help much either. "The project started in 2012 as means of individual self-expression. Soon it grew into an experiment to see what one man could do on his own.". Unfortunately "what one man can do on his own" turns out to be a complete waste of time. Here is his explanation of the genres his music incorporates "Though his music has definite electronic roots, stonefromthesky’s style also combines elements of atmospheric sludge, post-metal, stoner rock, ambient, glitch, IDM, breakbeat and whatnot.", which sounds like a fancy way of saying industrial music with distorted guitars and yelling, and unless Ukraine's definition of metal is drastically different from the one true definition as etched into stone by Tony Iommi, that is not metal.

The album all tends to blend together. In the five or so listens I can find nothing remarkable, let alone metal, about this album except that portions of the track Irreversible sound like they could have come off the soundtrack to Pi. Ignore the terms sludge and post metal. They are there to lure you in. Like a trapdoor spider, this album seems safe on the surface with it's description of a experimental metal with digital elements. But what it really desires, is to let it's true nature grab you from the below the seemingly safe surface and drain the metal from your body, leaving you a husk of what you once were.

The main problem I have with this album isn't the music itself. It's that it was sent to a metal website for review, which is actually not Stonefromthesky's fault. It's your fault. You poseurs that listen to Rammstein and attempt to speak their name in the same sentence as Ministry. Ministry earned their place in metal, Stonefromthesky has done nothing to prove that he belongs in our hallowed halls. Contrary to what Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails fans may tell you, industrial music isn't metal. It never was, and it's disgusting the way it seeps into metal and tries to taint it. If your favorite metal bands include Rob Zombie, you aren't metal. Take your fancy sound effects and shove them up your ass. It's as if you're talking to someone about steak, the most metal of meats, and some cock brings up imitation meat with steak flavoring. It isn't steak. Its a monstrosity that appropriates a portion of it and pretends to be on the same level.

If you want to have a spider incapacitate you so that you may host it's young until they are mature enough to devour you alive click here. There is also a video for those of you that feel the questionable urge to see the visual aspect of what one man can do on his own. Watch it here.


No comments:

Post a Comment

All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.