Friday, July 1, 2011

Bromotions: The Cleansing

In all seriousness: underground metal is mostly bullshit. I know you think it puts you on a whole new level of metal elitism when you only listen to bands that are freakishly unknown and unpopular, and record all their albums in their bedroom with the help of a laptop, a software-based drum machine, and a Line 6 POD Studio GX, but think again. For those of us with fully functional brains: elitism = standards. I'd love to get in on all that super smug Kool-Aid sipping of loving disorganized death metal dudes #4 billion and 2, but my biggest drawback is I actually enjoy music that sounds good and like some thought was put into it. I know how exciting it is to get all your buds together in your own space, have your own somewhat pricey musical equipment, and how tempting the thought of starving in a van all summer might be. But trust me fellas, we don't need another deathgrind band. Your music sucks, you're all fat, you wear baseball hats on stage, women aren't going to fuck you, and the only thing record labels will hear from you is the thud of your demo hitting the bottom of a trash can. Go to college or work in construction. 

I just want it to be known, that if you're trying to get the word out about your friend's band, or some bands on your independent label, think a little bit before e-mailing me. My blog might not be anything close to mainstream, but if I just paused Individual Thought Patterns to listen to your retarded friends drumming in a basement, your chances of me talking you guys up are pretty grim. I realize that you're all broke and don't know how to write music, so I'm not about to start naming names and making a public mockery of your efforts as struggling artists. I'd rather save that for the well-established bands that deserve it. So to commend the not so shitty underground, TNM would like to present our latest feature: Bromotions. If I receive a heads up on any up and coming metal bands that actually qualify as something I might consider palatable, I will spread the word like a true bro. Because you earned it: 

Not to be confused with the Suicide Silence debut album of the same name. At all.
I think the one thing that creeps me out the most about Copenhagen, Denmark's The Cleansing, is that I received their album in my inbox, and it actually turned out to be a band that I am going to listen to and enjoy in my spare time. Shit like that just doesn't happen in real life. Realistically, all that should happen is I'm supposed to hear your music, respect your valiant efforts as a band that's not wildly popular, name drop you on my blog with a little bit of information about you to help spread the word, and then never think of you or speak of you again. I'll be happy to admit that The Cleansing is being uploaded to my iPod as we speak. With such limited storage space, that's not an easy place to find yourself these days for any band, let alone one that has less Facebook likes than I do. This is Death Metal done right. Listening to their pulse-pounding riffs, blast-beat powered ferocity, and eerie guitar solos, makes me happier than running through a blizzard of titties: 

It might not be the single most ground-breaking sound on the planet, but the musical progression of Feeding the Inevitable is phenomenal for a band at this stage in their career. Forming in only 2007, they come off sounding like death metal titans that have been at this sort of thing for decades. I'm definitely a fan, and see these guys going to some pretty high places in the modern death metal scene if the right people hear them. Also, this might be the most embarrassing admission ever, but I think it's a great point to make regardless: Feeding the Inevitable is an incredible album in its own right musically, but the album art is what made me consider listening to it. It just looks so monumentally bad ass, and like it took real talent to prepare. It conveys to you that The Cleansing are a band that take this kind of shit seriously, and as such, should be taken seriously themselves. Coming from the position of a guy who can promote other people's music, (I guess...) this should be a lesson for any up and coming metal bands out there. Spare no expense and don't look over any detail, no matter how minor. If I was reading through my inbox, and saw just another black and white photograph of a bunch of dead trees as an album cover, I probably would have just kept it moving. We're human beings, we're simple creatures, and we judge books by their covers. Take note.

Check this band out in anyway possible:
Last FM:

If your band doesn't suck and you want to be featured here on the page, e-mail me at:
brenocide [at] thatsnotmetal [dot] com


  1. If I receive a heads up on any up and coming metal bands that actually qualify as something I might consider palpable, I will spread the word



    the word you're likely looking for is "palatable." Palpable= able to be touched or felt, palatable= acceptable or satisfactory.

    I know having a large vocabulary isn't very metal, but then again neither is refraining from telling other people they're wrong, as you've pointed out.

  2. I agree with judging an album by it's cover. I saw this one album cover that was just four penises cumming. I'm not going to listen to that gay shit. It was a shitty decision on the bands part, because they could be a great band (doubtful) and no one will listen to them.

  3. I'm actually totally perfect. Every little typo I make is completely on purpose to test you all and see if you notice. Congratulations Andy. You win an all expense paid trip to nowhere.

  4. This site needs more Bronies.

  5. Thanks for introducing me to The Cleansing! They are so good, I need to by me that album.
    More Bromotions, please!!! \m/

  6. Sounds like Behemoth, except worse.

  7. So by that logic, they sound like Morbid Angel.

  8. Bromotion? Sounds like something from New Jersey

  9. kingcarcas13497/02/2011 5:42 AM

    Sorry guys, this is where i give you the news that ipods are indeed not metal...satan prefers sandisk for its budget friendliness.

  10. I am the most metalist of all you cunts.

  11. Fluttershy saying that this site needs MORE bronies makes me wonder what the hell happened to those already here...

  12. "Your music sucks, you're all fat, you wear baseball hats on stage"

    you obviously talk about Putrid Pile.

  13. You are going to get rick rolled so hard. Yeah check out my band "hellthrone" you can hear us here

    Linked that shit to the vevo for more insult

  14. I like metal, but I don't see how people can actually enjoy shit like this. I understand people liking music like Amon Amarth, there's actually something to listen to. Emotion and melody. This "brutal trv kvlt" death metal like Autopsy, Decapitation, Cerebral Bore ect all sound the same. It's all just super-low guttural vocals, guitars that sound like they're being shredded apart, and a mess of drums that all come together to make some kind of incomprehensible noise. I fucking hate deathcore with a passion, and one of the best argument against it is that it all sounds the same, but so does this kind of brutal death metal. At least with Amon Amarth you can tell two of their songs apart. I could listen to 2 songs by these guys and think they're the same song twice in a row. I'm not trolling or bitching or trying to piss anyone off, I'm just trying to understand what the interest is in this type of music. It really does just sound like noise to me. Kind of like Anal Cunt where they're just trying to make it sound as unenjoyable is possible.

  15. I am, by all definitions here, not metal but will respond to Cyanide in that I do enjoy this. I also dig Amon Amarth as well as bands falling under the most mainstream definition of "metal" whose sound is veritable pop by comparison. That said, I find that metal - particularly good metal - is the best of all addictions. It's a downward spiral toward something harder, heavier and more brutal than the last. In the case of this sample track, the actual solos here that aren't simple races up and down the scale against the grinding backdrop (and, yes, the cover art) just added Feeding the Inevitable to my shopping cart for 8/16. It stands out and it's something I need to hear more of. This genre doesn't - and never could - make up all I listen to but it sure as hell is nice to have something a little bit beyond 11 to turn to when I've had enough of the Vikings for the day.

  16. the family ghost7/03/2011 11:52 PM

    Cyanide is just a troll, don't pay any attention dude. The cleansing is pretty sick though.

  17. Holy shit Xandemic, you're a total tool. Behemoth has made their entire career out of aping Morbid Angel's F and G albums and they aren't nearly as good. This band is a clone of a clone and is boring by the standards of anyone who has listened to death metal beyond Death and Cannibal Corpse.

    Cyanide: 3/10 troll attempt. Not bad for a beginner, but you'll get better at it when you get older.

    Since Brenocide doesn't know shit about death metal, I'll educate you all with some recent releases so you guys will seem less like raging falses.

    Note: Excuse the youtube quality.



    Grave Miasma





    Nuclear Desecration


    I could go on and list things forever because there have been tons of great death metal albums released within the past 3-4 years, you just have know where to look. I just hope someone goes through the time to listen through the links because otherwise all of you are missing out on some amazing material.

  18. Take Rauls advice and listen to Tribulation. Their Putrid Rebirth EP is their best release, check that one out first.

  19. I wasn't trolling. If I wanted to troll, I would bring back Anthraxfan. That was me under a different name and evidently it worked pretty good because I got featured in a post dedicated to answering the trolls. if I wanted to troll, I'd troll. My question was serious and you can't troll worth shit either. I've seen you around here for a while, getting in arguments with Brenocide, getting trolled by tons of people. I seriously don't understand how people could enjoy something that sounds like a hurricane beating down on a bunch of instruments and has nothing unique-sounding to it at all. I bet if I took all the songs you listed up there and listed to them back to back, then played them in a random order, I wouldn't be able to tell which one was playing.

  20. Hi Cyanide!

    Im Toke from The Cleansing... And obviously you get what no other has. You sir, are a genious. Anal Cunt: Thats exactly what we were trying to achieve! We really tried hard to capture their sound and their sloppiness. Seems that we got something right with this :) Too bad we only have one fan who has recognized it. People should be way more into music like you. You really seems to know your stuff man. No bullshit there.

  21. Whatever, if no one wants to at least 'attempt' to explain what makes death metal so much better than every single other genre of music known to man, even though it all sounds the same, forget it. Obviously there's no one here capable of making a logical argument supporting it and pointing out it's strongest assets and what makes it so great. Melodeath I can understand, it's actually music, but this stuff is just way to fast, heavy, chaotic and noisy to even be in the same category as melodeath.

  22. the family ghost7/04/2011 1:36 PM

    Holy shit, you're right. Death metal sucks ass. Gonna go ahead and format my ipod now. Thanks dude...

  23. You're welcome. Get that shit off there and load it up with some Drake and Eminem. That's probably the kind of music you like since you're taking death metal off of your ipod you idiot...

  24. Cyanide, you're a false. Simple as that.

  25. the family ghost7/04/2011 4:56 PM

    worst troll ever...DIAF please

  26. The one guy in The Cleansing looks like Fat Joe.

  27. Bro-ness is not metal. Get that shit out of here.

  28. Hahaha Fat Joe.. never heard that one before! Shrek lots of times, but never Fat Joe... Pass the glock please

  29. Cyanide you answered your own question, stuff like this is just to heavy for you. Now go hop around in your back yard and keep pretending your a viking. Your probably just some pussy ass 17 yr old who spends a little to much time playing video games and trying to "troll" people. Get a life kid. That anthraxfan shit isnt even funny. If your gonna troll, do it right.


All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.