Bromotions: The Cleansing

In all seriousness: underground metal is mostly bullshit. I know you think it puts you on a whole new level of metal elitism when you only listen to bands that are freakishly unknown and unpopular, and record all their albums in their bedroom with the help of a laptop, a software-based drum machine, and a Line 6 POD Studio GX, but think again. For those of us with fully functional brains: elitism = standards. I'd love to get in on all that super smug Kool-Aid sipping of loving disorganized death metal dudes #4 billion and 2, but my biggest drawback is I actually enjoy music that sounds good and like some thought was put into it. I know how exciting it is to get all your buds together in your own space, have your own somewhat pricey musical equipment, and how tempting the thought of starving in a van all summer might be. But trust me fellas, we don't need another deathgrind band. Your music sucks, you're all fat, you wear baseball hats on stage, women aren't going to fuck you, and the only thing record labels will hear from you is the thud of your demo hitting the bottom of a trash can. Go to college or work in construction. 

I just want it to be known, that if you're trying to get the word out about your friend's band, or some bands on your independent label, think a little bit before e-mailing me. My blog might not be anything close to mainstream, but if I just paused Individual Thought Patterns to listen to your retarded friends drumming in a basement, your chances of me talking you guys up are pretty grim. I realize that you're all broke and don't know how to write music, so I'm not about to start naming names and making a public mockery of your efforts as struggling artists. I'd rather save that for the well-established bands that deserve it. So to commend the not so shitty underground, TNM would like to present our latest feature: Bromotions. If I receive a heads up on any up and coming metal bands that actually qualify as something I might consider palatable, I will spread the word like a true bro. Because you earned it: 

Not to be confused with the Suicide Silence debut album of the same name. At all.

I think the one thing that creeps me out the most about Copenhagen, Denmark's The Cleansing, is that I received their album in my inbox, and it actually turned out to be a band that I am going to listen to and enjoy in my spare time. Shit like that just doesn't happen in real life. Realistically, all that should happen is I'm supposed to hear your music, respect your valiant efforts as a band that's not wildly popular, name drop you on my blog with a little bit of information about you to help spread the word, and then never think of you or speak of you again. I'll be happy to admit that The Cleansing is being uploaded to my iPod as we speak. With such limited storage space, that's not an easy place to find yourself these days for any band, let alone one that has less Facebook likes than I do. This is Death Metal done right. Listening to their pulse-pounding riffs, blast-beat powered ferocity, and eerie guitar solos, makes me happier than running through a blizzard of titties: 

It might not be the single most ground-breaking sound on the planet, but the musical progression of Feeding the Inevitable is phenomenal for a band at this stage in their career. Forming in only 2007, they come off sounding like death metal titans that have been at this sort of thing for decades. I'm definitely a fan, and see these guys going to some pretty high places in the modern death metal scene if the right people hear them. Also, this might be the most embarrassing admission ever, but I think it's a great point to make regardless: Feeding the Inevitable is an incredible album in its own right musically, but the album art is what made me consider listening to it. It just looks so monumentally bad ass, and like it took real talent to prepare. It conveys to you that The Cleansing are a band that take this kind of shit seriously, and as such, should be taken seriously themselves. Coming from the position of a guy who can promote other people's music, (I guess...) this should be a lesson for any up and coming metal bands out there. Spare no expense and don't look over any detail, no matter how minor. If I was reading through my inbox, and saw just another black and white photograph of a bunch of dead trees as an album cover, I probably would have just kept it moving. We're human beings, we're simple creatures, and we judge books by their covers. Take note.

Check this band out in anyway possible:
Label:  DEEPSEND RECORDS
Website: http://thecleansing.net/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Cleansing/52991417309
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/thecleansingnet
Last FM: http://www.last.fm/music/The+Cleansing


If your band doesn't suck and you want to be featured here on the page, e-mail me at:
brenocide [at] thatsnotmetal [dot] com