Today's Unmetal Photo Submission was sent in by TNM reader Finn Dekker. Finn writes:
"My mate and me, some time ago. We were doing a school presentation about one of the most metal subjects: Scandinavian/Norse Mythology. But we also had some really unmetal stuff going on. To represent Vikings we used LEGO. That's Unmetal enough to me..."
Yeah, I agree that there's a lot of unmetal things going on here, such as utilizing a popular plastic children's toy as a visual aide to help teach your fellow students about something as deeply rooted in true metal inspiration as Norse mythology. That's not all you did though. You also brought a little wooden sword with you for your presentation, to show your peers that vikings also used swords, and that if swords were really little and made of wood, that's what they'd look like. Also, the Amon Amarth shirt is a nice touch, albeit an extremely ham-fisted attempt at relevancy.
EDIT: And of course, the poster for Ensiferum's Blood is the Price of Glory in the back. Thanks Sean Hill.
However, for all the unmetalocity we're looking at here, both you and your pal are completely redeemed in your actions within the realm of epic, balls out, true heavy metal, without even realizing it. Consider for a moment, the fact that there aren't many things more metal than not giving a flying lily fuck about school or your education. There's no way around it from the solid evidence we're seeing here: you guys definitely thought up, as well as completed this project in no less than 20 minutes of uninspired laziness. This was clearly thrown together either the day before, or perhaps even the day of this project being due. I also like to imagine that you're doing this presentation, when you were supposed to be doing a book report on To Kill a Mockingbird instead.
Great job guys! For his unmetal photo submission, Finn Dekker shall receive the grand prize of a D- for the semester.
Have any photos of you and your poseur friends acting unmetal? You can either submit them to the Wall of the TNM Facebook page, or you can e-mail photo submissions to brenocide[at]thatsnotmetal[dot]com. If I like your submission, I will feature it here on the blog for everybody in the metal elitist community to laugh at. Except laughing isn't metal, so we're just going to scowl and judge.
I forgot this was still going.
ReplyDeleteOk, so it's a Lego viking ship--
ReplyDeletehttp://cache.lego.com/images/shop/prod/7018-0000-xx-12-1.jpg
Which, yeah, is unmetal enough. But all the rest of that shit is clearly Playmobil, which is so much worse--
http://www.collectobil.com/images/items/5712.jpg
http://www.collectobil.com/images/items/3157.jpg
I like LEGO. But as my name suggests, I'm not worthy to be called Metal.
ReplyDeleteBut I find it a little odd how it's okay to run in the woods and play with swords, but not okay to recreate battle scenes with plastic toys. But, I don't really know much about what is and isn't Metal other than what you've taught me.
ReplyDeleteDo you guys mind if I cum in here?
ReplyDelete@Cyanide
ReplyDeletePlease aim for my mouth.
Well obviously plastic toys looking like a viking don't look as brutal as running through the woods whilst looking like a viking.
ReplyDelete"This was clearly thrown together either the day before, or perhaps even the day of this project being due."
ReplyDeleteYou are correct. We could round up some LEGO from an unmetal 'friend' of mine, like, two hours before the presentation.
Hahaa! Thet title got me laughing for several minuits!..
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I guess here the cause justifies the means...
(Also Bren you got to do sth for comment submission. I used to post through google and now I fall into some endless login loop or sth. ABME's site seems to be working good with google though)
...actually scratch that last remark. It was my glitch
ReplyDeleteThem shits is Playmobils, not Legos.
ReplyDeleteThis is ridiculous. The reason this is unmetal is not the legos (legos are metal as fuck), it's because you're children.
ReplyDeleteI don't appreciate people posing as me in this or anyother blog. I am here to expose the false because people need to know that TNM, Brenocide, ABME, MetalSucks, are all a bunch of phoney bologna. Stop talking about ejaculating in my mouth and having a horse dick shoved up my ass. You n00bs will never understand me, and that's fine.
ReplyDeleteThe Ultra-Violence is written by children and that album is metal as fuck.
ReplyDeleteToo late European Elitism, you already swallowed my salty load.
ReplyDeleteBrahs. You aren't going to believe this! Jonathan Davis is on the new Suicide Silence record! Finally Nu-metal and Deathcore join forces.
ReplyDelete@BlowUpEverything
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess buying LEGO as a grown man and not giving a fuck who judges you is Metal. Also, I think it would depend on what type of LEGO it is.
Construction Site=NOT METAL
A Battle between Orcs and Vikings=A little less Not Metal.
Call it unmetal if you want, but you guys are clearly knowledgeable about good metal for being so young. Granted Amon Amarth is one of the most popular bands in Europe, but still, thats pretty metal to me.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA NEDERLANDERS!!!
ReplyDeletesorry it says HAHAHA DUTCH PEOPLE!!!
@J
ReplyDelete*blows load in face*
You might want to clean yourself up.
Haha yeah they are Dutch, Bekker is a very common name here in the Netherlands. I hope you guys went to Neurotic DeathFest, that is the best festival the Netherlands have to offer.
ReplyDeleteWhat you gon' do with all that junk?
ReplyDeleteAll that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my hump
My hump my hump, my hump my hump my hump
My hump my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps
Check it out
I drive these brothers crazy
I do it on the daily
They treat me really nicely
They buy me all these ICEEs
Dolce &Gabbana
Fendi and Adonna
Karen, they be sharin'
All their money got me wearin'
Fly gear but I ain't askin'
They say they love my ass ?n
Se7en Jeans, True Religion
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
And no I ain't taken
We can keep on datin'
I keep on demonstrating
My love, my love my love my love
You love my lady lumps
My hump my hump my hump
My humps they got you
She's got me spendin'
(Oh)
Spendin' all your money on me
And spendin' time on me
She's got me spendin'
(Oh)
Spendin' all your money on me, on me, on me
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my hump
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream
'Cos of my hump, my hump my hump my hump
My hump my hump my hump, my lovely lady lumps
Check it out
I met a girl down at the disco
She said, ?Hey, hey, hey yea let's go?
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
And let's spend time, not money
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff
Milky, milky cocoa
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky right
They say I'm really sexy
The boys they wanna sex me
They always standing next to me
Always dancing next to me
Tryin' a feel my hump, hump
Lookin' at my lump, lump
You can look but you can't touch it
If you touch it I'ma start some drama
You don't want no drama
No, no drama, no no no no drama
So don't pull on my hand boy
You ain't my man, boy
I'm just tryn'a dance boy
And move my hump
My hump, my hump my hump my hump
My hump my hump my hump
My hump my hump my hump
My lovely lady lumps
My lovely lady lumps
My lovely lady lumps
In the back and in the front
My lovin' got you
She's got me spendin'
(Oh)
Spendin' all your money on me
And spendin' time on me
She's got me spendin'
(Oh)
Spendin' all your money on me, on me, on me
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my hump
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk
Get you love drunk off this hump
What you gon' do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I'ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work
She's got me spendin'
(Oh)
Spendin' all your money on me
And spendin' time on me
She's got me spendin'
(Oh)
Spendin' all your money on me, on me, on me
So real
So real
So real
?
Me, the original Cyanide, hasn't posted a comment in over a month. I just came back from a business trip to Texas to find a hundred comments made by people posing as me. I don't even know what to say other than I'm flattered that all these kids like my name so much but a bit disappointed in the pathetic uses of it. Are these supposed to be trolls? Whatever, I guess I'll choose a new name now.
ReplyDelete"A business trip to Texas"
ReplyDeleteWhatever helps you sleep at night.
WTF? Okay, me the REAL Cyanide has been away for the weekend. I come back to see people posing as me and claiming to be me. I didn't post any comments because I was at a tranny convention. It was fun except when I was leaving a black guy told me to suck his cock or else he would steal my wallet. After I sucked him he took my wallet anyway. I would of went to the police with his semen but I swallowed it. I would throw it up but there is too much jizz in my stomach so it would be impossible to tell who's it was. Anyway fuck the poseurs.
ReplyDelete- 8========D
No, you fucking cocksuckers, I AM THE REAL CYANIDE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALLLOOOOOONNNEEE!
ReplyDeleteAlso European Elitism is gay.
lol wtf my hump? Didn't even notice the sword at first, it is indeed metal if the presentation was supposed to be about something completely different. So which is more metal Playmobil or Lego?
ReplyDelete@Cyanide
ReplyDeleteI lol'd when I clicked that hyperlink.