Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Coven Master


You're probably not familiar with true metal grand wizard and speech master, Travis W. Hyers, which is an outright fucking shame. Considering all the major pillars of the true metal community and attitude, after watching this video, I am thoroughly convinced that Hyers' is purely the strongest. A pillar that is built of concrete; reinforced with balls, glory, fury, and the unapologetic donning of horizontally striped polo shirts. Hyers will be opening an event called the Metal Alliance on August 4th in Fernandina, Yulee, a show that will feature several local metal bands in the area. Hyers won't be playing any music however, because he doesn't need instruments to brutalize and rock. No, instead he will be spitting his raw views on the metal scene and the phonies who dare to try playing any other form of music. Here's just a taste of what to expect if you're going to be attending "one of the biggest days in METAL HISTORY..."



The 40-second lead up was definitely worth it. Phineas and Ferb better watch their backs.

Thanks Albert Brown for sending this my way.

13 comments:

  1. Bren, I really didnt think you would post this XD I think I was having a full out seizure on my laptop. But seriously. If your viewing this video, please try not to write anything mean about him. Because in the end, he's just like all of us. Energetic metal heads who are just excited about an upcoming event. No matter how ridiculous and over the top this video is. And to remember were not laughing at him. But with him

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  2. I felt like I was watching a video by a guy who was preparing to go shoot up a school or something.

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  3. Wow, I bet this will really turn this modest festival into a panglobal phenomenon.

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  4. Would have worked better if he had crossed his arms at some point.

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  5. Albert Motherfucking Brown I love you! I knew you'd eventually send this his way hahahahaha

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  6. Brenocide you have obviously never heard of GothicKingCobra!!!!

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  7. What a gimp

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  8. As long as Cosmic Dickspank shows up, I'll be there!

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  9. I only find out about these metal memes from this site.......

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  10. Dude your an idiot and take this shit waaaaaaayyy to serious

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  11. if you think this is the first metal gig in fernandina you are way behind,,you go on stage talking that crap in a public place and the pool is open with kids around,,, you will meet the fernandina police ass holes and they will shut the show down,,so be smart shut your ass trap and let the music go on,,and let that coven cult master crap get out and there will be no show,,i have seen the police shut shows down at the rec center in fernandina !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.