Saturday, August 8, 2015

Elitist News - The Assassination Of True Metal By The Coward Metalachi And Other Poseurs

This is everything that is wrong with genre covers all rolled up into one. Randy Rhoads is rolling in his grave. We have such esteemed celebrities as; Mexican gay pirate Ozzy, Mexican Tommy Lee, and Mexican Kurt Cobain in a Nirvana shirt.

SHIT LIKE THIS is why non-metal genre cover bands should be executed. Between Metalachi and Tragedy, THE ALL METAL TRIBUTE TO THE FUCKING BEE GEES there is nothing metal about these bands. It isn't fun, it isn't funny, ITS FUCKING STUPID. In fact cover bands as a whole CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF. Especially all female versions of male bands trying to sell music with their FUCKING TITS. The Iron Maidens, Misstallica, and Slaywhore can all fuck off. Want to play metal? PLAY YOUR OWN MUSIC AND STOP USING YOUR GENITALS TO TRICK POSEURS INTO GIVING YOU MONEY. There is no difference between those girls and any of the multitude of cover bands who's members share the same FUCKING GENDER as the ones they are covering. NONE OF THEM ARE METAL. Want to hear women in metal? FIND ONE PLAYING HER OWN SHIT. Better yet, find one that can sing. There is no difference between a woman and man playing the same instrument. It is irrelevant whether your guitarist has a COCK or a CUNT as long as they can play. Anyone that says otherwise is a FUCKING IDIOT. Go listen to Amberian Dawn if you want to hear a woman in the only part of music where your genitals make a difference.

By being in a cover band you are publicly declaring the musician you are trying to be is more metal than you. You are making yourself someone's bitch every time you play a note. There is nothing less metal than trying to be the best copy of another more metal person YOU FUCKING POSEURS. And ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS Metalachi? You sound like what Robert Rodriguez would have in the background of a From Dusk Till' Dawn sequel that takes place in a Mexican metal club and has Danny Trejo as the only returning actor. Cut the crap and flip your bus on some black ice.



  1. I have seen Metalachi live and it was great fun. Only posers take themselves too seriously. They are great musicians paying homage to what they love and having a great time doing what they do.

  2. May as well make this blog PRIVATE and don't bother sharing it on the internet if you're going to reply to us posers by deleting damn near every comment left to Metalachi's defense. They have their own material AND they put a twist on metal classics. So instead of sitting their mad as fuck change your tampon and clean that sand out of your vagina because Metalachi ain't going anywhere. While you're at it go figure out what metal really means because you sound like a whiney little bitch throwing F bombs to cover for your inability to write a coherent article...

  3. Metalachi ROCKS! Their execution of many cover songs are spot on and they add their spin & style to them making them somewhat original. Keep it up metal heads! Metalachi for life!

  4. holy shit why couldn't they just stick to smuggling drugs across the border?


All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.