Friday, August 28, 2015

In Case You Were Wondering, Drowning Pool Are Still Just As False As Ever

Better watch out for these guys! They might have quietly slid into a brief hiatus of complete irrelevance for the fourteen fucking years since Bodies was released, but by gum, they're on the comeback trail. Cutting your pizza into a pentagram? That's the sort of bleeding-edge thinking that the metal world sorely needs in today's 'practically-sliced-pizza' world.

We will not conform to your socially constructed views of how to cut a pizza. We go our own way. I'll bet the last time you had a pizza it was cut into 8 evenly sized portions, you fucking sheep. The fact that it's chest-slappingly retarded and poseur as hell is beside the point. It's all about the message.

The most ironic part about this shit is that Drowning Pool are definitely the pepperoni pizza of heavy music. They are generic and inoffensive, they are a crowd pleaser, they are the pizza you get somebody when you're not sure what pizza they like, and they are featured in literally every movie since the dawn of the human race.

I could go on, but I've got a schnitzel frying up and I need to go and carve a fucking goat's head into it.


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