Tuesday, May 17, 2011

IWRESTLEDABEARONCE Make Musical Shift to "Still Ironic"


Hey. Hey guys. 
Hey guys you 
Hey guys you know what
Hey guys you know what would
Hey guys you know what would be funny? 
If we
If we put on corpse paint and
We pretend to
We pretend to be black metal...

Holy shit it's super fucking genius. Because nobody in the universe of metal comedy ever in a billion and a half years conceived the original, cutting edge scheme to put on corpse paint and act grim and frost-bitten for the sake of irony. No, that has literally never happened. Now I understand what everybody means when they say that deathcore scenesters IWRESTLEDABEARONCE should be classified as "Avant Garde Metal". It's because they're just so cutting edge, and ground breaking. We're not just talking about putting random jazz parts in deathcore songs. Oh no. We're also talking about how brilliant the band can be at trolling the internet: 

"We were sick of getting lumped in with 'scene' and 'whatever-core' bands, so we decided to embrace our roots and just go straight black metal on the new album," says guitarist Steven Bradley. "I'd say 90 percent of the new record is straight-up black metal, so we had to change our image to match... Because, of course, that's just as important, if not more so, than the music." 

Quoted from guitarist Steven Bradley, metalcore hipster guitarist extraordinaire . If you guys are going to start taking the words of the guy who coined the term "metal just got gay" anything close to serious, go lay down in traffic until you're done figuring out how they might not be. There is an upside to all of this obvious TRV metal mockery however, and that's the necro, grim and frostbitten photo shoot the band did with irony-loving band photographer Jeremy Saffer has some decent cleavage shots of vocalist Krysta Cameron's small perfect teacup-sized breasts, which can be seen here.
TEE-HEE, there's like, an upside-down cross in the logo and you can't even read it! uber necro FTW! omg lol ;) 
So are IWABO really becoming a TRV KVLT black metal band? No. They're not. I fully and easily recognize this fact, because unlike some metal fans and bloggers, I am not legally retarded. The irony I'm smelling is thicker than if I were to take a drive through Portland, Oregon and accidentally leave the air on. It smells like vegan "chicken" nuggets. At the very most, if IWABO made some black metal tracks for their upcoming album, they're going to be parodies, and they're going to suck.

Irony is the weapon of hipsters. If you think this is cute or funny, die on a railroad. 

11 comments:

  1. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!

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  2. Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic Sarcastic.

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  3. Trey, nobody gives a flying shit about the literal difference between sarcasm and irony, asshat.

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  4. Now that's hip, I feel Varg getting angrier by the minute, maybe we can let him commit a few more murders :D

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  5. Now scene kids will start dressing like this, and all black metal bands will just be a image that fagots go to too look tough. If they want to go back their roots why dont the go to that bear they have claimed to wrestle and have it fuck them in their ass once... or maybe twice.

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  6. Hey Kwinten, did you pause for a moment to consider the possibility that I don't give two shits whether or not anybody else cares?

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  7. If IWRESTLEDAGAYONCE don't want to be seen as scene or Core or anything anymore, perhaps they shouldn't be scene or core anymore? DUH!

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  8. Por Que no Taco5/18/2011 3:00 PM

    Great... she's still hot though.

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  9. And this is exactly why the good Black Metal bands like Emperor and Dissection stopped using the corpse paint gimmick.

    Fuck this band. They always sucked anyway, despite how much other metal blogs have jizzed all over them for the past three years.

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  10. Not even corpse paint can conceal poserness....

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  11. Sad sad sad fucking sad, but that guy makes a good point, maybe corpse paint will die now, it usually isn't done right anyway. This all started with that band "eagles of Death Metal" i saw on Conan once, these faggots can't leave it alone they have to start making fun of it? Well fuck um. No offense to faggot metalheads.

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All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.