Now it totally makes sense using Metallica music to torture these people. They like their metal good.
Unless you've been living out in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan like we thought he was all this time, Osama Bin Laden got his hairy face shot off by a cracker jack team of U.S Navy Seals, who stormed his compound Call of Duty style in an epic helicopter raid. He was hiding so deep in the social underground of Pakistan, that they had to send a hipster to find him. So elite were these soldiers that raided his mansion, that not a single one of them got shot at all, which also means they didn't have to stand behind cover and wait 5 seconds until their bullet wounds healed completely. They went in, and within minutes, had a big, dead body of a terrorist mastermind to suspiciously hurl into the ocean.
So with Bin Laden's recent death, the news networks have already begun to speculate which prominent terrorist will be his worthy replacement. One such potential replacement was Osama's personal secretary; another was former Egyptian special forces. Then we have 32-year-old Adam Gadahn, who just loves him some death metal.
A former American jew turned jihadist who fled the country after assaulting the head of his mosque, Gadahn now hides out in Pakistan, and is believed to have personally assisted Bin Laden in recording his infamous little home movies. He was a former writer of the death metal zine Xenocide and had his own, one person metal band called Aphasia. It was either this sort of activity that caused him to become a terrorist, or the fact that he was home schooled and didn't have a toilet to shit in when he was growing up. I'll leave you to speculate which of these traits news networks and republican douchetards will focus on more.
Congratulations, boys! We are now all officially terrorists in the making.
