Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sorry, I'm not dead yet.

I was offered tickets to see Ozzy and Slash perform live last week... for free. The person in question bought four and had two general admission tickets left over because someone else couldn't go or something. Don't really know, don't really care. Anyway, I turned them down, hard as nails. I wouldn't even pay $0 for a ticket to go see Ozzy Osbourne do anything. Him, or overrated rock n roll has-been #2. Instead I went home that night and had myself a really good shit. The superior option indubitably.

I've been keeping myself pretty busy lately outside of the blog, so if you've been disappointed by a lack of updates, oh well. I've been treating everyone to daily/bi-daily updates for quite a while now, and I'll probably continue to do that in the future, but sometimes I like to throw in the occasional week without anything at all to keep everybody on their toes. That's just how great of a guy I am. I know better than to spoil you. These last couple months I've been passing down to you the tools and knowledge required for all of you to be thoroughbred, super soldiers of rock. I hope you have taken this time off as an opportunity to practice my teachings out in the field, meeting your not so true-metal peers with crossed arms and scowls at a devastating rate. 

If so, well done, you are well on your way to achieving elite metal status. If not, you're an open-minded, laid-back individual, and therefore: a failure. Keep trying, you'll learn right from wrong in due time.

So why has it really been so long since my last update? Well, almost every naysayer I have dealt with thus far tells me to get a life, and that "I spend all day writing blogs". This is pretty common mud-slinging among the retarded. Especially from this guy:
I don't really see how I contradicted myself, because unlike Mr. Anon here, I know what that word means. It's pretty common when you argue with children for them to repeat the big fancy words you use, thinking it somehow brings them up to your level. Here's what such a concept would look like played out in a similar situation...

Me: You're an intellectual inferior and don't possess the mental capacity to actually understand that I'm insulting you.
Toddler on the internet: UR INFERYUR
Me: Oh my god, my feelings.

There's no contradiction with anything I was telling him. I don't write these things because I'm scared of how people think of me. I don't really understand how anyone could get that impression. If you don't agree with what I say, then good for you, suck face. You go ahead and think you're still super metal in your own delusional little world, go rock out to Five Finger Death Punch and get on with your mediocre life. However, it REALLY MATTERED to him that these things mattered to me. He put himself on this personal vendetta against the blog. He would come back to the page on a daily basis, I'm assuming after he returned home from a long, hard shift of bagging groceries, to argue with me regarding how the things I wrote shouldn't matter in regards to metal. Obviously, he was really upset that there was something he was doing, or something he wore that could potentially make him not metal in my eyes specifically. I don't know if he was trying to get me to recant all my statements or just close down the site completely, but he was really butthurt about how I, the grand master of all knowledge regarding what's true metal and what isn't, declared something he did or liked as being unmetal. Talk about insecure...

But he was right about one thing; if you add up all the time I spent creating all the posts on this blog, it did take hours. Maybe I am spending too much of my free time on the site?  So this last week, I decided instead of wasting a perfectly good half hour of my free time writing anything, I would go outside, smell the muddy, plantless stench of winter's death, and enjoy the real world. I trolled around Guitar Center, giving the kids playing Metallica riffs dirty looks, ate some beef, drank some beer, broke some driving laws, bought some cat food, stuff regular jerkoffs do. Not to mention the whole job thing.

But while you're out "getting a life" as all the unintelligent people like to instruct you do, you might run into the wrong kind of people, and find yourself with tickets to see really awful live music, like Ozzy Osbourne and Slash.

Lesson learned.  

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All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.