Monday, February 28, 2011

All about the music, huh?

With my recent surge of readers, I'm finding myself with a lot more fans and a lot more comments. Most of it has been a really positive experience, but along with the blog's growth comes the inevitable wave of people who just really don't know how to have a good time on the internet. Even when surfing porn, I imagine you are the guys who go around calling all the models fat in the comments sections. Lightening up and enjoying yourself just aren't within your capabilities as an individual. So if you want to get dead serious about the stuff I'm writing, far be it from me not to patronize you with the same kind of attitude. So let's go ahead and get serious...

Try harder next time, Nathaniel. 

When I write a violation specifically about the things people put on before shaming themselves in public, I'm always guaranteed a response from somebody who likes to wear the target of my harassment. Always. It never fails. They never ever have a good argument as to why they don't look retarded, despite facing a mountain of evidence from me about why they do. So they give me the typical bleeding heart Everybody is Friends in the Hold Hands Metal Club response that Metal is about the music, and people shouldn't be judged based on the way they externally present themselves. What a load... I either get that rebuttal or the painfully typical "I don't care what you think." If you didn't care, then you wouldn't be telling me about it, chump.

So okay, let's hold off on the concept for a moment that Metal is "all about the music" and I'm wasting my time on these articles about metal fashion and the like. That's not why you're commenting. You guys just want to fight me tooth and nail as long as it means you still get to look as retarded as you want to. Whatever you want to tell me, that's all this is really about. You're not going against me for some philosophical reason, you're not trying to talk me down because it should be okay for anyone to wear whatever they want as long as they listen to good music. This is just about you and your love of stupid pants and shit. You want me to admit that it's okay with me that you're a walking Hot Topic store, as long as you listen to the right stuff. As if my opinion really matters when it comes to what kind of crap you put on yourself every morning? Since when am I your dad? Stop arguing with me. 


Go ahead and wear it. I'm not going to stop you, and I'm not going to try. If you stopped wearing all that nonsense, I wouldn't have anything to write about. Just like Chicago said, you're the inspiration. If you want to walk around town looking like Final Fantasy X, it's not my business to stop you. I however, will make a mockery of you and how ridiculous you look until I am blue in the face. That's my god-given right, and if you don't like it, you can do one of two things: You can stop wearing it, which I feel is the obvious choice, since my opinion about you wearing it upsets you so severely, and you won't look obnoxious anymore.Your other option is you could stop listening to me. I wouldn't advise such, because I'm actually always right about everything, but maybe the truth hurts a little too much sometimes. The fat kid doesn't want to hear how fat he is. Just like the kid in neon-stitched oversized zipper pants doesn't need to know how ridiculous he looks. He already knows it.


So back to this music thing you kids love to tote so much. If it's all about the music, then why bother with your obnoxious get up in the first place? Did the music ask you to knot your hair into poo, pay $70 for giant black pants covered in ropey chains, dye your hair black, or give yourself a festering infection in your earlobes? Is this the image you associate with the music? The music doesn't ask anything of you other than to be listened to. I'm really trying to make your life easier here. All of these things require a sufficient amount of effort on your part, and it's a lot of work for you just to end up looking comical. I am a firm opponent against the concept of trying too hard. I'm a naturally lazy person. I live my life in jeans and band shirts, and the difference between you and me is people don't start laughing the second I'm out of earshot. Sounds like the right choice if I say so myself.


So like I said, if it's all really about the music, to you, then why waste so much effort with how you look? Perhaps Nocturnal Worshiper can give me some insight with the response he made today to an article about Gauges I wrote three months ago...



NW agrees with me, "to an extent", which is kind of like getting out of the way of a speeding freight train "to an extent". He tells me why he wears gauges, then finishes by saying "much like listening to metal, (gauges) separate us from that mainstream crowd". Wow. I don't really know why you listen to metal music, pal, but I listen to it because I actually enjoy it. Not because the popular kids don't. I don't listen to metal because it's different, or it somehow makes me different. These concepts don't mean anything to me. I'm not driven by this absurd urge to be separated from everybody else and be expressive. If there was mainstream music that I could appreciate, I'd listen to that too. It's that simple. If you like gauging your ears because its different and expressive and sets you apart from people who don't have them, well then alright. Keep it at that. If that last sentence wasn't there, I would have very easily left you alone or gave you a positive response. Instead, you make some ham-fisted comparison to listening to heavy metal music so I can better understand where you're coming from with wearing gauges. You just end up being way off base. If you're listening to metal because it sets you apart, you're doing it for the wrong reason, man.
So after these last few comments, instead of having my mind changed, I'm left with a better impression of why the people who wear this stupid crap and do this stuff to their bodies are less metal than people who don't. They probably only listen to the music because much like their get up implies, they're on this personal quest to be different, scary and "expressive". They listen to death metal so that they can crank it up while driving down the street, making heads turn and hoping people think they're edgy. Tell me whatever you want, you painfully care about what people think about you. Bondage pants are expensive, and are designed with the sole purpose of catching other people's eyes. Dreadlocks take months of purposeful neglect, back-combing and forming. Gauges require weeks of cleaning, maintenance and are a constant risk for infection. That seems like quite a sacrifice just so people can think you look cool. Don't give me this horseshit about how you do it for yourself. There's only so much time a person can spend in front of a mirror. I also don't know why I'm arguing with people about posts I wrote last year.

I'm not trying to pick on the commentators I have featured in this blog post specifically, and if you feel hurt or poorly treated by being made an example of, I'll apologize. I've just heard this crap a hundred times, and you guys are pretty late to the game. Do I agree that music is the most important aspect of heavy metal? Obviously. It's what metal is. But nearly half a century of actions, antics, fashion statements, live performances and journalism have proven to us that the heavy metal experience goes far, far beyond the sound of a spinning record. If you fail to realize or accept that, you're head is farther up your ass than anyone could ever dare retrieve it.

"Metal is about the music" is not an argument.

18 comments:

  1. Ugh! Anyone who says "metal is about the music" as an argument to your opinions are the same idiots that go out and get gauges done and wear camo and a Slayer shirt because they think it's the metal thing to do and if they like and listen to metal they must do these things to be metal. Every comment I read makes me wanna beat myself in the head over and over because of their massive retardation. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    Keep up the good work though. Love the blog!

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  2. Thanks bro! Your comment made me rofl.

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  3. Not just any camo, though, urban camo.

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  4. Hmm. What abouts band members then ? If it really doesn't matter how your clothing's like, if bondage pants or whatever aren't more metal than regular jeans, if that's looking wannabe, then why do the majority of band members dress in a special way / have tatoos etc ?
    Plus if, as you said in your conclusion, people that do this stuff to their clothing/body are less metal, and considering that many band members actually do that, well, are metal bands not metal ?

    [Precision : I personnaly wear jeans and band shirts so please don't say I'm butthurt or something.]

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  5. Thanks for existing, you and Infidel are like fathers to me. And I am pretty serious.

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  6. ^That's because he is close with metal jesus, so he's sort of the shephard to us; The flock.

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    1. He is quite close with me, yes.

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  7. I bet you $20 Tim is down with the sickness.

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  8. leskateur50: What band out there is wearing bondage pants?

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  9. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WooEfm3R3c0&feature=related

    Point proven.

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  10. Haha, what the fuck was that?

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  11. @ brenocide

    Vader and Behemoth, but they live in fucking poland. Who cares.

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  12. Knew someone would mention Peter of Vader, made more ridiculous by the dude being like 50....but he gets a pass for being brutal. Someone brought up the point that having long hair does require more work than the guy who buzzes it off once a month, but damn do i wish i had nice headbanging hair. Mine is all jacked up with white hairs and dandruff n such..........i'm sorta glad half of Agalloch look like a bunch of nerds, like that guy said it breaks the stereotype. If i were ever in the band i could never pull that tough dirty guy thing off.

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  13. i dont even know why i care to add this, because all of you suck. but i have dreads about 2 feet long. it happened about 3-4 years ago when i had no job, just sold stuff online and lived solely on burritos and high gravity hurricane (less than $5 a day budget). yes, bad life choice i know. but hey i didn't give a fuck. still don't. but basically i was super wasted all the time and in about a 6 month time period where i was too wasted to remember anything that actually happened during that time in my life, i came out of it with dreads. only in the back though. the front stayed like normal hair.

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    1. Get A Haircut3/25/2012 4:39 PM

      It's impossible to be "super wasted all the time" on less than $5...

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  14. The problem is that they have a sort of self defense system. as if the violations are defending themselves by use of the person in question, making it so they'll never consciously realize that they're wrong and-... holy shit, they're creationists.

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All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.