|It's just another rainy night for this douche.|
It's the dawn of the new millenium. In Flames is still a respectable Swedish melodic death metal band, and you bought yourself a t-shirt with their band logo to express to everyone that you are a fan of their music. All is well with the world. Two years later however, the band makes the artistic decision to start making music that sucks and releases Reroute to Remain. You, being the real man you are, unapologetic with your standards of true metalocity, take your In Flames shirt off if you're wearing it, throw it in a dumpster, and move on with your life to bigger and better things.
These are some of the great things about band shirts: they're relatively cheap, and they can be removed. Let's go back in time again. This time however, instead of buying a band shirt for a reasonable price and only occasionally wearing it, you decide to take your passion for the band to the next level and have this creep in some back-alley hole in the wall clumsily dig a tattoo needle into your skin for several painful hours. Now you have this massive, awkwardly placed, probably infected In Flames logo permanently scarred across your chest, because you loved their last album that much. Cue the release of Reroute to Remain. Oh shit, now what? I'll tell you what; you now have a band that blows mutilated across your epidermis. Way to go, dumbass.
|Your back is not a high school notebook.|
Bands like to see their logos on a lot of things: t-shirts, cover art, stickers, posters, fliers, wrist bands, lanyards, hoodies, and bathroom stalls. Not anywhere among these things, is your pasty, oily, freckled, hairy, stretch-marked, acne scarred flesh. You're not doing a band any favors by putting their name on your nasty body. When ancient man came up with the idea of clothing, it wasn't to keep himself warm. It's because he knew what you were going to look like without it. Also if you're doing this because you simply want to pay your proper respects to a fallen metal artist, don't...
|RIP Lo Pan|
Who knew Kurt Russel was going to catch the knife?
Let's also not forget my In Flames example earlier. When you get a band tattoo, you are failing to read the most important musical fine print: The writing and production of quality music is subject to change. As time progresses, a metal band typically becomes more and more likely to start sucking. This can either be a gradual decline, or this can be a
shameless sellout complete shift in musical direction after a 5-6 year hiatus. You don't know what the future holds, and metal bands infamously lack consistency. Your favorite band today, could be your biggest pet peeve tomorrow. Tattoos are meant to be permanent. I wish I could say the same for the integrity of a metal band.
|This guy is convinced he's the coolest thing in orange camo.|
True metal redemption hardly requires multiple sessions of expensive, painful laser surgery to remove your regrettable ink. It's okay, this isn't anything you can't fix without a great deal of patience and a sufficient amount of car battery acid.