Q & A

Got metal questions? I probably have your metal answers! Head over to Discussion on the That's Not Metal Facebook page if you'd like to take part in any future Q & A's. Remember, there are no stupid questions. Just stupid people.

Do you enjoy Tool and just hate on their douchy fanboys? If so, what about Maynard's other projects? - Stefan, from VA 

No, I don't enjoy listening to Tool, not anymore anyway. I consider them to be pretty dull, albeit more musically complex and progressive than anything else the radio will play. I feel like most metalheads start out going through this pre-metal phase at a younger age when the only music available to them is the hard rock that's playing on the radio and the music videos you'd see on television. Back during that awkward, musical larval stage, I did like listening to Tool, and I'm always going to have to regard and respect that. Once I discovered bigger and better things, however, I easily put them past me. So I consider Tool to be an entry level rock group at best. Also, Tool fanboys hardly invoke such a strong feeling in me as "hate". I can't think of a group of fans less intimidating. The last time I had a run-in with a Tool fan, I was distracting the poor kid from his pre-algebra homework. As for Maynard's side projects, I'm only vaguely familiar with A Perfect Circle, and it didn't really do much more for me either.

Is Slipknot real metal?
- Davidson

There was a bit of a back and forth on the Facebook page after Davidson asked this question. Somebody brought up the old stuff defense, somebody said "mall metal from the start", and somebody asked "if it's not metal, what is it?" Allow me to set the record straight here. Is Slipknot metal? NO. I can't stress this fact enough, and I don't care what anybody says. Slipknot was part of an emerging trend back in the late 90's of rock/rap hybrids that we disgruntled metalheads from the era unaffectionately referred to as "nu metal", which was the enemy of metal in 98-2002 that metalcore is today. Do you know why Slipknot is a "metal" band with a DJ? Because bands like Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park had one too. Slipknot is musically on the same par with Korn, Papa Roach, Rage Against the Machine, and Crazy Town. Not much has changed. They just had their own sort of hook that's allowed them to have a career for this long. Gimmicks have that effect on people. I also would like to point out that Slipknot gets progressively better, not worse with each new album. In the late 90's they sucked something awful. Today they just suck. All Hope is Gone actually has them trying to play guitar solos, which is way more than I can say about anything else they released prior. If you think Slipknot was better before, you are all sorts of backwards retarded. Maybe after 5-6 more albums they might find themselves being almost okay. Maybe.

Is there anything that annoys you about Iron Maiden?
- Leftos, from the UK

I'm probably the only guy in the entire metal community that likes Iron Maiden's newer material just a tiny bit more than their classics. Sacrilege, I know. But in regards to new Maiden, there's only so many times I can listen to a chorus in one song. How many times do we hear the chorus in "The Longest Day"? Seven times? The chorus is like the entire song.

What is the most unmetal job ever?
- Joe

Concert security. You make ruining all the fun of being a metalhead into a fulltime job. You pop the beach balls we bounce, break up the hardest mosh pits, grab and shove the crowd surfers, chase off all the stage divers. Take our drugs and cigarettes. You're a professional killjoy. Kreator could be destroying it up on stage behind you, and you wouldn't even so much as glance back. You just stand there with your ear plugs stuffed in your skull, looking annoyed and like you can't wait to go home and beat your wife. Are there cool venue bouncers out there? Maybe. I just haven't met any.

At what point does Black Metal start trying too hard? Are Dimmu or Marduk good examples?
- Trey, from MA

Black metal is a genre rampant with the act of trying too hard. I think putting on corpse paint alone is going way past overdoing it, and for some goddamn reason, that's now the standard. Black metal has become this oversaturated "who can be the spookiest" contest where the entire genre is just rife with gimmicks and ludicrous imagery. Whoever wears the most spikes and loves Satan the best wins. I think being sacrilegious kind of loses its meaning when its done to the point of being an ideology in of itself, don't you think? Dimmu Borgir just puts on the amount of stupid crap that other black metal bands would if they could afford it.

But no matter how many satanic images and tortured women Dimmu Borgir hurl my way, nothing is going to creep me out quite like Galder's mustache...