Q & A, The Second Coming

On your dreadlocks violation, what about Carcass? 

- Thomas Newhouse, from Alberta

What about Carcass? A lot of you guys seems to be under the impression that if a tried and true metal band has even one member among their ranks with a violation in progress, that it completely voids any argument I make, or potentially makes them completely unmetal. You do all realize that with these violations, my usual focus is on things going on within the metal community, right? That's why they're funny; they hit close to home. Would you read this shit if I talked about what T.I or Justin Bieber fans do with themselves? I'm here to stir the beehive and and set some boundaries in my own confused genre, one that direly needs them. I'm not going to do this granola bullshit and join hands with my fellow metalheads and agree to disagree. Anyone can be the enemy. Devin Townsend used to have dreads, and Mark Osegueda of Death Angel still does. Both of these guys are still metal. They just had/have goofy unmetal hairstyles. Carcass is not a hairstyle.  They're a band. I don't see what the problem is here. 

What are your views on Dethklok? 

- Greg Phillips, from GA 

I've heard a lot of debate over Dethklok, mainly the comparison between them and (the) Gorillaz with real musicians taking a backseat to the animated characters. In your opinion, does the animated portrayal of Dethklok's musicans make them an unmetal band? 

- Taylor Schnell, from OR

I'm sort of mixed when it comes to the overall concept of the animated band Dethklok, and the Adult Swim cartoon phenomenon, Metalocalypse. The short answer is: I'm a fan. Yeah, I'm against the capitalizing off the mockery of the metal genre. Fine. However, I'll be the first to admit I enjoy the substance of the show a lot. It's violent, stupid and morbidly hysterical with a great cast of original characters. Brendon Small is a pretty ingenious comedy writer, and I enjoyed Home Movies a lot when it was still on the air. When Metalocalypse first hit the scene, I was surprised to see that Small's talents weren't limited to his writing and his voicework, but that he was also a bitchin metal musician. The show's soundtrack I'll admit is a big draw for me as well, joke songs and all. I can't listen to "Comet Song" without hearing anything except a genuinely great melodeath metal track. It's great metal music and a really funny cartoon, so in just that regard, I like Metalocalypse. What I don't like so much is their fan base. Adult Swim is a late-night block of animation geared towards douchey college kids that hold a special appreciation of "omg so random" humor, and wouldn't know a real metal riff outside of Guitar Hero. You put a show like Metalocalypse in front of them, and they don't get it. They just don't know what do with it. It makes heavy metal a big joke to them, every reference to every popular metal act soaring sky-high above their heads. They enjoy it for irony-driven intentions, like everything else in their lives. It's why I suggest never attending a Dethklok performance if you have the choice, unless you don't mind murder charges.

As far as real musicians taking a backseat to the animated members, I just want to ask you this: when you look at Immortal members Abbath, Demonaz, and Horgh, do you see anything except a group of cartoon characters?

Dear Brenocide, it is of the upmost importance that you let me know how trve, grim, necro and frostbitten you are.
- Andreja Jovovic, from Serbia


Extremely.


Can you dislike war and violence and still consider yourself a death metal fan?
-Anze Grcar, from Kamnik


In reality yeah. I'm sure you don't actually want to see people get chopped up in front of you (unless they deserve it) and nobody really likes war. There are millions of death metal fans, and only a couple of them end up serial killers. The question you're asking however, is kind of vague. Are you talking about a hate that goes beyond reality? Do you also dislike things such as violent movies, music and video games that are gory or have war-based themes? Do you just hate war and violence in everything? If that were the case, you're going to have a pretty tough time enjoying anything death metal. I also would think you're kind of a pussy.

Dear Sir Brenocide,
What is your take on 80's style crossover acts? 
- David Lips, from MA

David went on to mention a couple of groups within his question, such as Cro-Mags, All Out War, 100 Demons, D.R.I, and Municipal Waste, among some others. That's quite a variety there, dude. It seems like what you're asking me about are my views on music like neo-thrash, and some hardcore bands with a more classic sound. Cro-Mags, All Out War and 100 Demons I don't particularly like, because as you know, I'm very much not a hardcore guy. In reference to the neo-thrash bands like Municipal Waste, (and to throw in a couple more you didn't mention) Warbringer, Toxic Holocaust and Evile, I'll admit I do like listening to them, because I like listening to 80's thrash music. We gotta look at the big picture here though: The 80's already happened. These bands aren't bringing anything new or fresh to the table and are borrowing music from a long extinct genre. Thrash was an enormous ancestor in the timeline of heavy metal evolution, but that metal mesozoic era has long since run its course. These neo-thrash guys are like animatronic dinosaurs: they try to create this creature that looks and sounds like a dinosaur, but we all know that the dinosaurs have long since died out.

Is any black metal really metal?
Mason Mcglynn, holding a koala in his profile pic, assuming he's from Australia...

Before I answer you're question Mason, I want you to answer mine: why the hell are you holding a koala bear and not smiling? Are you trying to be that metal? Lighten up. That thing is adorable. Maybe because I'm not from Australia, I don't realize how deadly they can be. Are you in trouble in this picture? Back to your question - Is any black metal really metal? Yeah, all of it is. That's why it's called black metal, believe it or not. A lot of it sucks, but I can't deny the metalocity of an entire genre based on me not liking something. (Except metalcore and nu-metal, but I digress...) There are some bands I find decent among all the recorded-in-a-tool-shed garbage. I like Gorgoroth, Behemoth and the late great Dissection. A lot of black metal fans would question my TRVNESS and KVLT status based on that statement, because I appreciate things like production value and rhythm. 

Do you like Cradle of Filth/Dimmu Borgir?

- Oscar Wetche

That's like asking me whether I would prefer being sick with diarrhea or sick with vomiting. Cradle of Filth is a twinkly "black and roll" band for goth kids and they suck harder than your sister. Dani Filth sings like he gargles man juice, and I wouldn't put it past the little creep. He's friends with Bam Margera, and if that's not enough to convince you to steer clear, I don't know what would. The last Cradle of Filth music video I saw was for the song, Nymphetamine, and Dani Filth spends the majority of the video in a dress, tongue jabbing a microphone like its a little boy's butthole:

Dimmu Borgir is a marginally better band, but so is everybody else that isn't Cradle of Filth. They rely too greatly on their synthesized symphonic keyboard sound to carry them musically, they try too hard in the Satan department, and their lead singer Shagrath has corpse paint on his face that eerily reminds me of Peter Criss from Kiss: 

Painted whiskers aren't metal.

Thanks for the questions guys, I hope your young minds are now filled with the purest of metal knowledge. If you want to be featured on any future TNM Q&A's, like the blog on Facebook if you haven't already, head to discussions and ask in the appropriate thread. Don't worry, unless you're holding a cute marsupial with a stern glare, chances are I won't poke fun at your profile picture.