Thursday, March 17, 2011

TNM FAN PHOTOS: Ponytails, Puppies, Braids and Xmas Trees...

I thought I was going to have to hawk the photo submission request a couple more times before I really got much of any pictures coming my way. I should have known better. The loyal readers of TNM are an elite metal army tirelessly heeding the call, one and for all, never surrender with glory they fall. Brothers unite, they stand up and... sorry.

Anyway, the turnout was very positive. The rules were simple: I wanted TNM readers to upload photos of themselves or their friends to the TNM Facebook wall doing something that they thought wasn't metal. They had the option to partake in a violation I already discussed, or to come up with their very own. Creativity persevered, as every photo submitted thus far was an original idea that the readers came up with on their own. I probably should have told you guys that if you submitted photos of things that I already talked about, it would show that you respect my opinion, and would make me more likely to feature the photo on the blog. What can I say, I'm in love with myself. Can you blame me? 

To submit your photos to TNM: like the Facebook page, and upload your unmetal pictures to the wall. If you missed the it before, you can read the rules here. If the picture is br00tally funny, I'll share it on the site. With that, let's get to the the photos....

My hair is in a ponytail AND draping over my shoulder, my room color is about as metal as Escape the Gay, my headphones are rasta colored, there's a Gorillaz album, and notice the trendy "Sonic the Hedgehog" shirt. Do I win?
Albert Brown
If you can win at losing. Ponytail over the shoulder is pretty inexcusable, but I think the Gorillaz album in the background is what truly makes this unmetal masterpiece come together. The headphones and Sonic t-shirt is the cherry on your shit sundae. Nicely done sir.

I hear lapdogs aren't metal. - Brian Hopp
I present to you the guy from my logo. The puppy is pretty huggably adorable, and therefore, not metal. I love your getup by the way. Where does a guy even find a helmet like that? If I owned one, I would literally wear it every time I wrote a violation. Scratch that. I'd wear it all the time, especially if I were to ride public transportation or eat at a Chinese Restaurant. They'd flip out and think I was a Mongolian raider. Your "gay faithful dog" is definitely one thing, but I can't let you off the hook for that Offspring belt buckle. Did you mean to have a belt buckle with the album art from The Offspring's Conspiracy of One? You don't exactly strike me as much of a pop-punk fan. Either way great photo, Brian. 

Letting girls braid your hair. - Caleb Gordon
Do you think this girl braiding your hair is cute or something? Are you doing this as one of many attempted gestures to let her know how you really feel? Because I hate to break to you, but she's just being an asshole. Don't let girls mess with your epic dragon's mane, dude. Thanks Caleb for submitting a photo to let fellow metalheads know to always watch their backs.  

Birkenstocks, Dillinger Escape Plan hoody, camo hat. - David Lips
Baseball hats galore in this photo. Is it to keep the sun out of your eyes, or the metal out of your lives? What band are you guys listening to in this picture, anyway? It looks like you're in a nice, quiet enough neighborhood to piss off all the neighbors with the potential noise pollution. That redeems you of everything else going on in the picture. I hope the cops hung up on the old lady who lives at the house in the background.

-Trey Lee Montpetit
... ... yeah thanks.

I ended up basically soloing Christmas music for an hour. - Michael Bessette
Christmas is technically a Christian holiday, so in that regard, it's nothing close to metal. However, the capitalization and blind greed that is involved with the holiday is metal enough for me. Ham-fisted Megadeth lyrics, anyone? Pass the kool-aid. Plus there are plenty of nativity scenes around town for me to urinate on. Always a joyous time of the year for me. 

Thanks for the pics guys. Keep them coming, and I'll keep sharing and berating them.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Actually, the majority of things done during Christmas times are actually stolen from Yule, which is pagan + Scandinavian, therefore it's VERY metal. Just the whole praising a bearded loony from Israel isn't.


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