Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Slayer touring with Rob Zombie

For multiple reasons, one band tends to piss me off more and more as the years go on. I love them and I hate them so much at the same time that it feels as though I have entered into a matrimonial relationship with them, which I think many of us have at some point in our lives. Their music has always been angry and mean and the speed of their early material, especially at that time, was perhaps second to none.

I am, of course, talking about Slayer.

Their music has been a staple in the metalhead diet like corn was for the Native Americans. With albums like Show No Mercy, Hell Awaits, Reign in Blood, South of Heaven, and Seasons in the Abyss, who among our ranks cannot find a song that just exudes pure metal? Unfortunately, their recent musical endeavors have fallen completely short of their past greatness, turning to a commercialized sound and over-tuning their guitars for their arthritic fingers. Tom Araya has lost the ability to sing, having now only the capability of monosyllabic yelling in much the same manner that Chris Barnes sounds like he’s just come out of puberty and coughing up his tongue from years of doing it wrong. Despite this fall from grace, I would still be more than willing to dole out the money for a ticket to one of their live shows.

Recently, while conducting a morning News Feed check on Facebook, stalking my “friends,” I came across a link directing me to this.

Needless to say, I wanted to throw up. When I thought that Slayer could not get any worse, they proved me wrong. Sure, they’ve toured with un-metal, butt-rock bands before. Killswitch Engage comes to mind. However, this is stooping to new lows.

I have not listened to Rob Zombie as a fan of metal and thinking he was metal in over a decade. His music should be appealing to none but pubescent, voice cracking teens and tweens. Since White Zombie disbanded in the mid 90’s, Rob Zombie has continually gotten worse and worse, culminating with his most recent single “Sick Bubblegum.” I will cede him that he does a pretty decent job remaking classic horror films – and by this I mean some of his renditions, though he has a fetish with incestuous hillbillies – but that means absolutely nothing to me musically.

Who makes these decisions and do the bands get a say in this matter (this is a rhetorical questions assholes and I don’t need you trolling the comments section over this)? Sure, it can be pretty funny when two dissimilar bands perform with each other. It happens at almost every show. The opening act tends to be some screaming core band. When I sat down for Sonic Syndicate at the Worcester Palladium, it made Amon Amarth so much better. When I heard Black Star, Inc. open for Finntroll, it filled me with so much rage that Finntroll sounded AMAZING. However; there comes a point when two completely different bands should not go on tour together. This is one of them.

Rob Zombie fans and Slayer fans are entirely different crowds and are big enough names to headline on their own. This means that all of the Slayer fans have to deal with the Rob Zombie homos who are afraid of breaking a nail in the pit. When I go to a metal show I want to mosh, throw my body into someone else; knock the biggest guy on his ass  because I am full of hate and adrenaline as a metalhead. I hate going to a show where no one knows how to mosh, stands around wanting to hold hands and be friends, and make out with each other over the love of metal. That is exactly what I will expect from Slayer’s upcoming tour.

I didn't lie to you. Do they belong at a Slayer show?

 If I am going to spend my hard earned cash on a Slayer ticket, I have some expectations. Rob Zombie is not one of them.


  1. Considering that both are on a equal level of suck these days and that a good portion of their fanbase is the same, it seems pretty fitting to me.

  2. I eat and breathe Slayer. They'll always have a special place for me. I've outgrown the shit Rob Zombie does though. But Slayer AND Exodus? Still worth seeing.

  3. lolwut? rob zombie is metal f4gg07. i also like abigail williams

  4. Portland, Oregon8/06/2011 1:40 PM

    First off, I'd just like to say I went and seen this show last night, and I was kind of expecting what was posted on this page to be true, BUT MUCH TO MY SURPRISE, AMAZEMENT, AND ENJOYMENT, this was BY FAR the BEST show I have EVER seen in my LIFE! First was Exodus with a KILLER performance. War Is My Sheppard, Blacklist, Bonded by Blood, and of course THE TOXIC WALTZ, for which the singer called for the brutal WALL OF DEATH. FUCKING AWESOME! Damn near the entire floor participated in the wall of death, it was so fucking intense. Then Rob Zombie came on stage with an AMAZING performance. Even people who don't like Zombie's music would have LOVED his stage presence. It truly was a "visual bludgeoning" as promised to us in the description of the concert. Complete with pyrotechnics, large screens of subliminal sin, sex and satanic messaging, dancing robots and the whole bit. It was an AMAZING performance that truly earned mine and everyone else's respect for Zombie. Then with a thousand fans screaming their name, Slayer took the stage by storm. The moshpit now grew in size like a hurricane feeding on death and destruction until it consumed the entire floor. Now was time for a true sonic annihilation. As the artists shredded on their guitars and respective instruments, the crowd lost their fucking minds. Portland, Oregon had never seen such brutality on stage or on the floor. And let me tell you, the crowd was VERY pleased. There was no monosyllabic singing, Tom Araya had an EXCELLENT voice on stage and extremely polite as always. This was by far the greatest show I personally have ever seen and I'm sure the majority of those who were there last night would agree. THANK YOU EXODUS! THANK YOU ROB ZOMBIE! AND THANK YOU SLAAYYYERRR!!!! YOU GUYS TRULY MADE HELL ON EARTH THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!!!


All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.