|This is how screwed I am.|
The golden rule of heavy metal band shirt wearing is simply this: you wear the band you like. Not too tough a concept to grasp. A classic example of doing it wrong would be your typical chic hipster chick strutting through the mall wearing a torn, faded vintage-style Iron Maiden shirt. She may listen to Iron Maiden, she may not. I'm not one to judge a person based only on outside appeara... who the hell am I kidding? If you asked her what she thought about "Powerslave" she would slap you in the mouth and call you a pervert. She's as unmetal as they come. Her favorite band is
|It's never okay to wear a shirt with The Showdown on it. It's even less okay if you're in The Showdown.|
So let's review: you're wearing a 3 Inches of Blood shirt because they're one of your new favorite metal bands. Fine. But what if you're in the band, 3 Inches of Blood? Are you supposed to be your own favorite band? Sounds pretty god damn conceited. I should know, I wrote the book on conceited. Whether it be on stage, in a photoshoot, or just walking around in casual settings, it is never okay to wear the merch of the band you're performing in. Unless you want everybody to think you're a stupid, self-centered douche. Yeah, I wrote that book too. I'm a renowned novelist in the art of asshole.
|Metallica always ends up here somehow.|
Band shirts are the official uniform of the true metal army (so long as they aren't of bands that suck). Being metal guys themselves, it is only natural for band members to take stage in their own selection of band tees. They can go about this properly one of two ways - always a good choice would be to wear shirts of the classics that inspire you. Maiden, Priest and Slayer are done to an abhorrent degree. Preferably I would go with something a little less brutally beaten to death. A better way to go about it would be to use your time on stage as an opportunity to promote the bands you know personally who are struggling alongside you in the metal music performing community. Get the hell over yourself for 15 minutes and represent.
So let's say you became full of yourself for a moment, wanted some kids to check out the sweet t-shirt of your band, (that they can be the proud owners of by going over to the merch table and paying the one-time, low low price of $20), and wore your own band shirt on stage. Unlike with most of my violation blogs, I consider my suggested Heavy Metal Redemption for this particular case to be quite a simple request: You need to be a Swedish melodic viking death metal band so impossibly awesome that you would be able to get away with doing something so terribly unmetal.
Nobody ever said I couldn't be reasonable.