"So what day did Jesus actually rise on?"
Instead of celebrating a delusional holiday sipping mimosas and eating ham because of some 2,000-year-old Jewish zombie, I opted instead to listen to Immolation.
Death metal not your speed? Mercyful Fate has got you covered:
Just listen to something satanic and awesome, to spite this "holy day". More like "holy shit", I had way too much bacon, waffles, beer and stole all the kids jelly beans. I'm going to severely regret being alive tomorrow morning. In other news, I implore you guys to go buy this t-shirt, because it is awesome. Even if you don't even like Mastodon. It doesn't even matter. This is the greatest t-shirt ever designed and I am buying it immediately to wear year-round:
It's only up on Mastodon's site for a limited time, so stop reading this crap and buy it. Buy it now.
So Happy Easter. Enjoy your family-induced hangovers.