Friday, April 15, 2011

Tim's Letter of Resignation from True Metal

Dear Brenocide,

I would like to inform you that I am no longer reading you blog, due to complications involving your opinions. Normally I would not complain and/or care for ones opinion but your thoughts and views within the metal world are just flat out ridiculous whether you are being sarcastic or not. You should not be forcing people that what people are doing is currently not metal. Last time I checked metal had no rules, so i don't know who you think you are making up the rules within the heavy metal community. If I'm a ginger does this mean I am not worthy of heavy metal stature? What if I have Attention Deficit Hyper-active Disorder? Does that not make me worthy of heavy metal stature as well? You can't control people Brenocide, even though i do agree with you on some levels, the fact that i can't be open-minded is what makes me want to stop reading your blog. Who are you to tell me that I can't have a free mind? Do me a favor Bren, stop try to control people within the metal community and let them be themselves, if we think someone is a poseur then we will call out that person as a poseur. Your little perfect world will never exist

- Tim Ploghoft
When the going gets tough. Timmy has enough! :(

"Due to complications" involving my opinions? Are we talking about a miscarriage here?

While I can sincerely promise you Tim that you will not be missed, I'm a little confused with your message about why you're discontinuing your readership. I really couldn't care less if you want to just stop visiting the site, but you felt strongly enough about it to go out of your way and inform me via e-mail as to why you wouldn't be reading anymore. Far be it from me not to grace you with your deserved response. I just want to make sure we're on the same page in regards to you leaving, in order to at least stay on good terms with one another. I very much want to provide you a glowing letter of recommendation for when you apply to the everybody-is-friends-in-the-hold-hands-metal-club after leaving us. I also would like to explain to you in the simplest terms I can, that the issue of you leaving is completely on your end and not at all on mine.

So here's what gets me the most about your little two-week-notice: I have never changed. This page has always been what it is. If you didn't enjoy me dictating to people how they should be and you didn't like the fact that metal has rules to follow, then you shouldn't have kept reading a blog that's completely about all of that like a dumbass. How could you possibly have not felt this way from the get go? At what point did the neurons fire across your brain and make you go "hey... ... ... I think this guy is trying to tell me what to do...!"

If you go to my list of Violations you'll see that Tyranneous and I wrote 50 violation posts before I even touched on Open-Mindedness a few weeks ago. 50. Those date back from mid-November of last year. I've been doing this for a while. Why you were mentally incapable of calling me out with the improper objection that "metal has no rules" until my 51st post about a metal rule, is some sort of mental defect all of in itself. I can promise you it's not just ADHD. I think it's medically referred to as "stupid", and symptoms develop "due to complications" in your education.

Where exactly have you "checked" to make sure metal "has no rules", and when was the "last time?" See, the place where I check for such a fact is my own blog, and I do it at least once a day, because I know I'm right. That trumps whatever source and timeline you're referring to, because unlike you, I'm not fabricating a source and a timeline. Look, disagree with me specifically on the rules I lay out if you want, (you'd be wrong,) but anybody who denies that metal has rules doesn't know their dick from their elbow. Of course metal has rules. Everything has rules. A rule is just a "prescribed guide for conduct or action", or a "regulating principle". There are necessary components you need to make a metal song, a metal song. Otherwise it wouldn't be a goddamn metal song. If metal has no rules, what's to stop me from calling a Ludacris tune pure, unadulterated, true heavy metal? A bird and an alligator are respectively a bird and an alligator because one follows the proper guidelines in being a bird, and the other an alligator. I don't know how to break it down any simpler for you dimwits. "Metal has no rules" is just what open-minded, free-loving snuggly "metalheads" tell each other because they think it sounds like a bad ass thing to say. Anybody mentally capable of a moment of rational, careful thought would retract that statement faster than I retracted my manstrument from your sister's mouth when I was good and finished because I like to see it all over her face.

No, I wouldn't write any rules against you being a ginger with a child's disorder, because that doesn't make any sense. Those are things you can't really help, (save for taking your Ritalin), and it wouldn't be fair of me to rag on people because of something they were born with. You weren't born with an eyebrow piercing. Every violation I've ever discussed is something within someone's personal control to do or not do. I am a firm opponent against the concept of trying too hard. I'm hardly trying to control anybody. I just make the rules bro, nobody's enforcing them. I don't really care if you do what you want, wear what you want, and listen to what you want. My only role in all of this is a position of advisory. I'm here to tell you whether or not it makes you metal. You see, my perfect little world already exists. It's up to you whether you want to come be part of it.

Do you want to know who I think I am to tell people this stuff? I'm some asshole typing my opinion on the internet. That's it. Exactly who are you supposed to be?

So all in all Tim, it's called elitism for a reason. Not everybody can make the cut, and I apologize if it started to become too difficult for you. If you can stay away as you promised and won't ever read my response to you, well I find that unfortunate as well. I feel there would've been a chance you might have seen what a nonsensical retard you were being and gave true metal another shot. Oh well, I wish you the best and hope you don't let being a poseur discourage you from listening to the occasional decent metal bands.

Enjoy listening to Meshuggah or whatever.


Brenocide \,,/


  1. hey brenocide, i understand that it is likely that you have explained this before, but what's your beef with meshuggah? i know they somewhat (albeit indirectly) influenced the whole shit-fuck that is djent music, but meshuggah themselves are fantastic, are they not?

  2. " if we think someone is a poseur then we will call out that person as a poseur. "

    So he's mad that Brenocide's rules revealed him to be a poseur and says this? I don't understand.
    P.S. You mention long hair a lot in your blog, does this mean short hair isn't metal?

  3. If you put hockey pucks in your ears, tattoos on your neck,throw up gang signs while making the duck face in a bathroom mirror, and take pictures of your cock for the world to see instead of making great music you will be called out for being a douchebag poser. This type of behavior needs to be discouraged and not encouraged. If this can't be handled then go find another genre to listen to. As Darth Vader should have said "The butthurt is strong with this one".

  4. Well, regardless of what Tim thinks, I'll keep reading, if only to daily remind myself that I'm more metal than you. Keep the comedic absurdities comin'!

  5. KiteHellScream4/15/2011 4:51 PM

    P.S. You mention long hair a lot in your blog, does this mean short hair isn't metal?

    On the very first violation, Brenocide states that "Heavy metal has 3 hairstyles: long, bald, and drummer."

  6. Pissing people off is the best form of entertainment.

  7. Yea, Brenocide talks trash about a lot bands such as Meshuggah, but so far the only band we know he actually likes is Amon Amarth. Fanboy only likes 1 band.


All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.