This morning while I was at work, instead of doing the job I was paid to do at my desk, I was busy trolling some internet forums and skimming through Blabbermouth.net. I was trying to see if there was any recent bit of metal news worth mentioning here on the blog. That's hardly ever the case with Blabbermouth, however. If Nikki Sixx takes a dump in a gas station somewhere, Blabbermouth will write 7 paragraphs about it and call it news.
One article that somehow managed to catch my eye pertained to mainstream radio rock outfit, Disturbed and how they were releasing a music video for their song "Warrior". I didn't bother to watch the video, or hear the song, because for all intensive purposes, Disturbed blows squirrel balls. What I did do, regretfully, was read a quote from Disturbed drummer, Mike Wengren stating "We wrote [Warrior] about MMA fighters. We are hoping the UFC will be interested and use it for events or a soundtrack or something. We'll keep our fingers crossed hoping they like it, but the song is about MMA fighting and just showing our respect to those guys."
More like "respect" for UFC's bank account. Shameless, to say the leastI guess when you're at such a point in your musical career, there's no point in even at least pretending to have anything related to integrity anymore. Way to go, Disturbed.
|My mind is telling me no. But my body... my body is tellin me yes.|
I won't ever understand metal's current love affair with MMA. First and foremost, it is a sport. That should be the end of our discussion right there. There's little that makes me rage harder than having to listen to two middle-aged jerkoffs discuss MVP stats, who got traded this week, or worst of all, their March Madness brackets. Nobody gives a shit. I will never see the appeal of watching a bunch of millionaires play catch and grabass with each other. Shut your stupid suckholes and stop wasting your time watching a bunch of grown men play a game the rest of us got tired of when we reached the age of 12.
It's a particularly painful sport to watch as well. Not because it's a full contact sport and looks like it hurts, but because with every fight between two competitors, it's about 8% punches and kicks, and 92% rolling around on the floor, grinding their balls against each other's faces and dry humping each other's naked legs. You can cut the sexual tension with a knife, expecting a steamy makeout session between the two panting, sweaty dudes by the end of the second round. Thanks, but no thanks.
I can think of at least 11 shitty rock music videos right off the top of my head that have some sort of MMA theme in some way or another. I will post several of these for you now (Edit: The douchey facial expression on each video image preview a complete, albeit very fitting coincidence):
Why Metal Injection would ever host a Godsmack video is something you'll have to take up with them...
The relationship between heavy metal and MMA is no doubt a one-sided romance. I'm sure the likes of Five Finger Butt Punch and Godsmack have no problem finding their way onto a cage fighter's iPod Touch. Shadows Fall maybe, but Megadeth I wouldn't be sure about. The majority of these guys are obviously of the Trapt and Breaking Benjamin musical persuasion. Let's not forget that your typical MMA fighter reigns supreme as king of all douchebags. With their athletic physiques and years of intense martial arts training, they know they can get away with looking like anything. Pink frosted mohawks, chin beards, spray-on tans, and tribal tattoos are a mainstay in the signature MMA style. Not to mention TAPOUT brand apparel, which as far as I'm concerned, wearing is a direct invitation to have someone run your douchey ass over with a truck. Everything you should be able to make fun of a person about, they utilize in their appearance. But you can't say anything to their faces out of fear of your own safety, so I'll just say it here on the internet: You look gaytarded.
Two dudes beating the living hell out of each other within a steel cage sounds pretty metal in theory, but 10 minutes of witnessing an actual televised UFC event will be enough to convince even the dimmest of metalheads that they should consider every other possible theme for a music video as opposed to this. Even skateboarding. Stop making MMA-themed music videos. Better yet, stop holding MMA events altogether. That would solve all of our problems.
|The owners of the TAPOUT brand. Case closed.|
|There ain't nothing wrong with a lil bump n' grind.|