Monday, April 4, 2011

Parkway Drive: An Aussie's Lament


Being an Australian metal head can be rather depressing sometimes. Not only do we have to make the 5 day hike to the nearest venue every time a decent band decides to back their sorry butts Down Under (roughly once a year), we also have to bare the indignity of being a musically irrelevant nation when it comes to metal. Aside from that one band (that doesn't really count), Australia has had a completely negligible impact on metal as a whole.

Now that I think about it, I can literally count the number of Aussie metal bands that I’m even aware of, on one hand. I can then proceed to lower the number of fingers that correspond to the number of bands that suck, and stick the remaining fingers up my nose. Just why the Australian metal scene is so pathetically flaccid is something of a mystery to me. I mean, I know I’m obviously the most bigheaded metal person in the whole country, but surely there must be at least a handful of musicians out there with a copy of Melissa and a Flying V capable of rocking our sunburnt socks off. Maybe it’s just too hot down here to play instruments and wear black all the time. Maybe we’re all too on edge to play metal because all our animals are trying to kill us!

Koalas: More deadly than they look.

Backing up for a second and looking at this seriously, you know your country is in trouble when the most important metal band your country has ever had is Parkway Drive. Parkway Drive for God’s sake!!! Do you know where Parkway Drive are from? Byron Bay!

Not Metal.

Byron Bay is quite possibly the least metal place on the planet. It’s the kind of place where you get lynched to death if you don’t spend eight hours of your day surfing, and the other four walking around without a shirt on.

Down here, Parkway Drive are hailed as “local hero’s” of sorts and are enjoyed to the extent that a virgin enjoys dry docking (i.e. you can’t get any better, so it’ll have to do).

I... I don't even...

My real frustration, however, is aimed at you! The people that live in places like Britain and America, places where you not only get to see good bands on a regular basis, but sometimes even have to choose between two good bands because you’re so spoilt for choice!

How could you have possibly let Parkway Drive become this big?

In a world of Amon Amarth, Gojira and Mastodon, how have this bunch of –Core poseurs become and I quoteone of the top two contemporary metal bands in the world today”?

I place the blame squarely in your hands, world. We Aussie’s are innocent in our ignorance. You should have known better than to have ever let this happen.

27 comments:

  1. Australia actually has a lot of cool bands in my opinion.

    Deströyer 666, Gospel of the Horns, Destruktor, Nocturnal Graves, Hobbs' Angel of Death, Sadistik Exekution, Abominator, Bestial Warlust, Vomitor, etc... all from Australia!

    But it's pretty sad Parkway Drive actually got so big... instead of said bands...

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  2. As much as I mostly agree.... Ne Obliviscaris renders this whole article invalid.

    Minus the parts about how the parts of the world that produce good bands should be relentlessly punishing themselves with burning knife-flails for allowing Parkway Drive to not die of starvation because they really fucking suck.

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  3. I'm aware of most of those bands, but they're all so underground. I think the point I was trying to get across was that we have no real world beating bands, rather than champion a bunch of obscure extreme metal bands that are never going to play to more than 20 people.

    P.S. You left out The Berzerker and Mortal Sin.

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  4. And Armoured Angel.

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  5. Deströyer 666 are pretty well-known and respected among Metalheads. Psycroptic(I believe these guys are from Tasmania)and The Berzerker are pretty big, too. But sadly, no where as big as the shitty Parkway Drive.

    Another band as shitty as Parkway Drive... I Killed the Prom Queen! :P

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  6. SADISTIK EXEKUTION! DEATH FUKKING MENTAL! I need to listen to the Fukk album once every to keep whatever is left of my sanity.

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  7. The Amenta

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  8. KiteHellScream4/05/2011 7:21 AM

    I live in Brazil...

    type "Banda Restart" on Google Images to see the shit we have to put up with here. You'd rather live in Australia.

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  9. You forgot Deströyer 666 and in terms of classic, cheesy power metal style Black Majesty isn't bad.

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  10. Like Andreja Said, Be'Lakor.

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  11. Here are some Australian metal bands for anyone interested http://deathmetalbaboon.com/tag/australian

    of course non are as big as Parkway Drive, but they'll never get that way if we don't spread the word.

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  12. As a Canadian, I have a fair deal of respect for Aussie metal. diSEMBOWELMENT, StarGazer, Deströyer 666 and Slaughter Lord are some of many I like. But I hear ya on shows. I'm lucky I live in Canada's population belt. I have friends from the sticks and they're consistently screwed.

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  13. Double Dragon motherfucker!!!!! www.theangryfijian.com nice site btw!

    Liggy

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  14. Destroyer 666 is the antichrist.

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  15. Parkway Drive is the best of the worst in its scene. I can enjoy their first 2 albums greatly cause they are actually good! But Deep Blue is a step back sadly.

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  16. You're doing it wrong man. Australia has a very rich and deep metal scene. The problem is; we're all too spread out and/or drunk to have a central hub, so most of the bands fall under the radar of the general listener.

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  17. They aren't a horrible band, Horizons was actually a pretty good album. I can't say the same for their first album, and I certainly can't say the same for their newest. But inbetween the piles of "eh", I think there is a pretty decent album. At least listen to it once.

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  18. Australia has some great metal bands like Psycroptic, Be'lakor, The Red Shore, Thy Art Is Murder, and Ouroboros who is unsigned. Parkway Drive isn't an awful band either, they are just famous. You're a stuck up faggot who doesn't know shit.

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  19. Australian metal scene is sadly very underground. I arrived here in January and til this day i've seen only minor bunches of true metalheads here and there. Shitloads more of those mallcore faggots. Great Aussie bands you all mentioned, many are my favorites as well. Parkway Drive IS NOT METAL!

    Even Aboriginal people understand the real elitist metal scene. Many Aboes here wear cult shirts that make me wonder where the fuck they found them. One "black fella" (like Aussies put it) wore Satanic Warmaster's official T-shirt. Funny to think that STW's Aryan metal ends up in right hands :D

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  20. There's a lot of METAL talent in OZ Lynchmada, Ouroboros, Psycroptic and Claim the Throne among the bigger acts. Hell even in the shithole that is Armidale we had some metal bands (for some inexplicable reason) pass through not long ago and they absolutely destroyed it, Balescream and Narcissus were two of the bands I can remember being stand outs for the show.

    Anyways my point is that even if the trendy core shit is what is getting noticed at the moment, Australia definitely has some quality underground METAL talent that can rival the best of them

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  21. Blah blah blah blah. My current playlist has just progressed as such "the human abstract-Moonsorrow-Cormorant-Sylosis-Falconer-Periphery- and then onto parkway drive". By my own hand. I like them, along with a large multitude of other metalcore bands. I can already smell the fumes of burning skin as true metallers start to ignite in hellflames of fury. Its not metal. Its metalcore, of course, even the lowest intellect of us can see that, but im just going to go ahead and say its actually not shit atall. I enjoy their older albums lot more, but for a group of surfer boys who like heavy aggressive music, they have made some fairly enjoyable and entertaining music.
    horizons has some amazing songs on it aswell as killing with a smile. Personally, i get the same amount of enjoyment from listening to this band and going to their show(1 so far) as i have from going to see the likes of amon amarth and the black dahlia murder etc.

    Sure enough, the purest of pure elitist inpenetrable minded guys would probably vaporise on the spot after listening to these guys music.

    The troll inside me just decided to let you all know that some people exist that will happily listen to all of th eband smentioned above.

    Just my opinion! But then i am a filthy hipster liberal poseur whose opinions matter just about as much as it should on the internet. Fuck all!
    happy trails

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  22. I kind of understand true metalers being annoyed at these new bands and to be honest im still trying to figure out all these subgenres, i have a wide collection and people like what they like regardless of famouness or not. sometimes i feel its a case of ooo i should like this band because they are legends and old school or i should not like these because they are emo. to sum this up i have never been able to get into mettalica athough i like one or two songs and respect them. not a fan of acdc , love pantera ,alterbrige(yes this is rock)and honestly one of my favourite bands is bring me the horizon, some of their songs are fucking epic and hard and deep. last but not least, a week ago i purchased parkway drives new album deep blue lol and i quite like it, just because i like pantera does not mean im not allowed to like surf dudes . yes there are spelling mistakes and grammer errors in my paragraph , what of it!

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  23. Listen to Infinitum's "Behold Eradication," and I promise you'll love it if you have good taste in death metal.

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  24. DomainHosteatmyballs9/08/2012 11:34 PM

    LOL Its all fucking metal, its heavy, its aggressive, its metal. If you really wanna break it into sub genres do what you will. But in the end and as an older metal head now (sigh) I'll say it...ITS ALL FUCKING METAL!!! Metal like every other genre of music has branched out, new things have been tried, new paths discovered....that doesnt make any one of them any less metal because some people are too pig headed to accept change and deal with it...if you want to live in the stone age and never progress fine, but piss off and let the rest of the world appreciate whatever aspect of the genre for what it is cause in the end its all fucking metal and it all stems from the same damn place!!!! Im not saying you have to like every direction it takes, but I am saying suck it up, move on, leave the past in the past and drop the denial...its all musical racism to me and it can all get fucked!

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  25. Domainhosteatmyballs9/08/2012 11:37 PM

    Theres 2 types of music in the world: Good and Bad. That is subjective to the listener. Nuff said

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  26. bullshit. parkway is the future of metal. if metal means you can't surf, fuck you very much, thank you. and yeah, i'm from europe and we get TONS of decent metal shows every year.

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All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.